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Tough Decision to make please Help!


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Old 03-02-2007, 04:07 PM   #1
Roxxie28
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Exclamation Tough Decision to make please Help!

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs now. Five months into the relationship, we moved in together because my parents were moving to Florida. we both went to highschool together and I started dating him my soph yr in College. He is the best boyfriend I could ask for not only are we boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are best friends. But the thing is, I stoped going to school and lost motivation. I miss my family and I worry about them all the time (both my parents are in their 60's, dad smokes and drinks and I worry alot about his health). So with that said I'm thinking about moving to Florida to be with my parents and continue my education. I thought about this almost a year ago and brought it up to my Boyfriend in August, I told him I was leaving because I needed to go back to school and I needed to be with my parents. He was devistated and was man crying a lil (u know had the shaky voice and all). He basically told me that if I was going to leave, to take him to the house so he could get all his things and leave to his parent's house, but I couldn't do it, I started crying and I felt terrible and that was that, I left it at I don't know what I'm doing and we never spoke about it again. Then on the other hand I have my mother asking me when I'm coming and that I have to finish school, which I really really want to do. So In january I quit my PT job and now I think it's time for me to leave. But it hurts so much and I don't know how to do it. He is a wonderful man, but right now I need to get my priorities straight. I want a career not a job. I just wish he would't hate me and that we could be friends. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being selfish? Life is going to be so much dificult for him once I leave..... My mom owns the house we live in and she's going to sell it, he uses my car to get to work...... Should I do this? What if I don't like Florida?

 
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Old 03-02-2007, 04:11 PM   #2
Ms_ENV27
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

First off how old are you and your boyfriend?

And why couldn't he move with you?

 
Old 03-02-2007, 04:34 PM   #3
mommyjen25
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

i was thinking the same thing when i was reading the post. he cant go with you. your talking about what a good bf he is and how yous 2 are bestfriends.i can understand if your bfs family is where yous are now and friends than in that case go back to finish school where your parents are than if yous were really meant to be a few years from now than get back togther. ou dont have to break his heart just tell him you miss your family and want to finish school in florida that after you finish school than maybe yous can get back togther. or theres long distance relationships.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 05:09 PM   #4
try-ink
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

My thoughts........

He is not going to hate you...........just because, you want to go back to school. Why, would he? you've given him everything and helped him so much. I mean...he is using your car for god sake's! and he is living in your Mom house. So......if he is a good boyfriend....he'll definitely appreciate it. And respect your wishes.

Please go to Florida. You have to take that Chance. Your Family is there. Your Education, and maybe a career.

It's always tough....leaving someone that you care about.....But, He is not your husband. You can always visit him whenever you have the time.

In the meantime..........If he start to cry again.........You have to be strong.

Do you believe in Destiny? I do..........could be the case with you.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 06:02 PM   #5
Roxxie28
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole27 View Post
First off how old are you and your boyfriend?

And why couldn't he move with you?
Well we r both 22 and he does not want to leave, he's lived in Florida in the past and hated it. He has his whole life here, family, friends, and his job..... It would be hard for him to move out there I guess, cause he would need to find a new job (he's a plumber and he's not certified yet.... soo looking for a job down there without knowing anyone would be very hard. idk this sucks.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:08 PM   #6
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

what if it's a temporary thing? like you agree to move there until you finish school? Why can't you finish school where you are? or you just want to be with your parents? I can understand. Any chance of your parents moving to where you are?

 
Old 03-03-2007, 06:01 AM   #7
Roxxie28
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Unhappy Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

Yea back in Aug. I mentioned that too and we both thought it would be a long time to wait and long distance relationship is out of the picture, those are just too stressful and never work out.... atleast in my personal experience..... The reason for me going to school out there, is my parents and also in Jersey I'm considered an out of state student because of my parents living in Fl. School is expensive as is, imagine for an out of state student, they charge almost double for that....And no my parents are never coming back to jersey, they luv Fl and the warm weather.....

 
Old 03-03-2007, 06:24 AM   #8
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxxie28 View Post
He is a wonderful man, but right now I need to get my priorities straight. I want a career not a job. I just wish he would't hate me and that we could be friends. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being selfish? Life is going to be so much dificult for him once I leave..... My mom owns the house we live in and she's going to sell it, he uses my car to get to work...... Should I do this? What if I don't like Florida?
Doing what you need to do to be successful in life isn't selfish, it's smart. You know that in order to have a career you need and education. I know you love and care for him very much, but you are both young and there is no guarentee that you will be together forever. What if you break up in a year or two and you regret that you stayed because you didn't want to make life difficult for him?

Only you can make the decision. You may end up hating Florida, but you won't know unless you try it. This is something that you know could be good for you, plus it will give you time with your parents. Certainly your boyfriend can understand that, he has all of him family around him.

If you decide to go he is going to be upset and there is nothing you can do to change that. I don't think he will hate you. You are doing something to better your life. He has family and friends here that can help him get a car and find a place to live. He's an adult and he can manage. He will be okay. You already put if off once, do you really want to keep putting off what you feel is best for you? You will end up resenting him for it in the long run. I'm sure you don't want to do that.

Anyway, good luck with your decision. I'm sure it isn't easy.

 
Old 03-03-2007, 07:14 AM   #9
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

hi roxxie,

i completely aggree with happymom28!!! i truly think that hers is one great piece of advice!!! you must put your needs first (i've heard that from someone who taught me the importance of doing this), esecially when you want to do that so much. and just like happymom said, if you go to Florida to better yourself, around your family, and because of financial reasons, Certainly your boyfriend can understand that, he has all of him family around him.

he should be suportive of you now, that you want to make something out of your life!!! we all know that in these times it is very difficult to get a career going, even a job, withour some sort of background education. i think plumbers make pretty good money. maybe when he gets his papers in order (i don't know how that works), he'll make more money then, and he may be able to visit you in Fl, at times, until you finish school, and you can see what happens from there.

just don't neglect your desires, your dreams, your hopes, because time pasess, dear roxxy, and we'll only get older, and it'll be more difficult to make that step then, since you never know what could intervene in the process....life is truly unpredictable!

God bless and much luck to you!!!!
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Last edited by Dakota_Skye; 03-03-2007 at 07:16 AM.

 
Old 03-03-2007, 10:11 AM   #10
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Re: Tough Decision to make please Help!

Go back to school.


He seems to be telling you what he wants and what is best for him, not what is best for you. He lives with you in the house your mother owns. He uses your car to go to work. He has all his family, friends and his job there. He's got it made. Now he wants you as well.

What has he done or said in any of this that takes your feelings and life ambitions into account? What is he willing to sacrifice to help you reach your goals in life? Has he even given any consideration to your concern about missing your family and you being worried about them?

Just because he didn't like Florida, doesn't mean you will hate it also. I've never been to Florida myself, but given a choice, I would pick Florida over NJ anytime, if only because of the weather to start with.

Don't worry about him too much to interfere with your life goals. After all, he does have his family, friends and his job there for support and to help keep him going. It can't be that hard on him.

You need to make a decision based on what is best for you and your goals first.

On a separate issue, you are 22 years old, an adult living in NJ. You should be considered a state residence of NJ (for tuition purposes) even if your parents now live in Florida.

Go back to school.

HOOP!

Last edited by Hoop; 03-03-2007 at 10:13 AM.

 
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