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At my wits end with ex

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Old 03-06-2007, 09:16 AM   #1
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At my wits end with ex

Some of you may remember me posting recently about my bad tempered ex splitting up with me and having a holiday booked to London with him.

Well we decided to go to London even though we'd been split up a couple of weeks. I previously expressed my concerns that a friendship wouldn't work but we had to forge one since we work together. Anyway, the weekend went quite well, we had fun and didn't argue although I felt sometimes we got a bit closer than friends which was sort of confusing but the reason I'm posting:

On the way home, it was my ex's birthday and we got into a petty arguement which resulted in some name calling and hurt feelings. To cheer me up I went out with a friend, we were in this bar for ages when he walked in, I ignored him (because he said earlier he didn't want to talk to me) but he text me saying "aren't you gonna wish me happy birthday?", I decided to be a decent person and went to wish him happy birthday (even though I already had) but he started shouting, calling me nasty names, threatening me and allsorts then went home. Well I nipped round to his house to try and get him to chill and he shouted at me calling me everything under the sun until the really early hours of the morning til it was too late to go home and he made me stay (I didn't want to but theres no arguing with him when he's in a temper). The most confusing thing is he cuddled me all night, comforted me and even called me his old pet name for me, then got out of bed then continued to yell at me for ignoring him in the bar!! Well he drove me home and we had some very crossed words on the way. Less than an hour later he texts me to apologise, I waited 3 hours to text back (cos I was busy) saying he shouldn't have shouted and he replied being funny with me!

I really am at the end of my tether. I ignored him the week before last because he was acting weird with me then at the end of the week he text me in a sad mood saying he assumed we weren't friends anymore because I have other guys (dunno what he meant). He was difficult with me at the weekend so last week I didn't contact him then at the end of the week he text me in a sad mood again and came to me looking for comfort. His moods are all over the place!

When I was out last night there was this guy I've been casually talking to who was coincidentally in the same bar, he was talking to his friends and I was talking to mine but my ex blew up because we were in the same place and he didn't want us to get together!
It really is wearing me down, he doesn't want to be with me but he doesn't want me to find anyone else. He doesn't want to speak to me but then asks me why I'm ignoring him. The worst thing is one minute he's yelling his head off at me, telling me I'm the worst person in the world then the next he's trying to comfort me.
I feel like theres no way to get away from him, I can't even go out, last night was the 2nd time I'd been out and seen him and he'd caused drama. He told me he was going out in the city so I went out in the town ... and he turned up in town!!

Someone help me, I really can't deal with him anymore

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Old 03-06-2007, 09:29 AM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: York, YK
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SamanthaYork HB User
Re: At my wits end with ex

sweetie, if it was your friend being treated like this - what would you say?

thought so...............

just dump him - in every way possible. I know you work with him - be civil but nothing more than that.

Old 03-06-2007, 10:17 AM   #3
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Re: At my wits end with ex

Well, yes you can get away from him, you just won't. You didn't have to answer his text and walk over to wish him a happy birthday just so he could verbally abuse you, and you didn't have to stand there and take it, you could have taken your friend and said "let's go somewhere else" and left. You didn't have to around to his house to calm him down and be verbally abused all night long, you didn't have to stay, that's why God made taxis.

You can get away and stay away from this abusive loser, but you have to want to. You have to make the decision to not engage and to not tolerate being called names and being screamed at and to not be around people who do those things to you. I used to have a friend who had a very "strong' personality, actually he was a narcissistic megalomaniac. We got in a fight one night and he started yelling and screaming at me in my own car when I was being nice enough to drive him somewhere, and he was being unreasonable. He wasn't calling me names but being unreasonable and not considering my side of things at all, and insisting I was wrong all the way around. That was the beginning of the end of that relationship. I cut him off and just stopped associating with him. It's possible to do if you want to, if you accept the fact that you can't change people, you can only change how you deal with them. This man will always be cruel and verbally abusive to you. The only thing you have control over is how long you're going to stand there and take it.

Old 03-06-2007, 02:27 PM   #4
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: At my wits end with ex

Girl, look - you didn't go up to wish him a happy birthday because you wanted to be a decent person. You did it because you, consciously or not, still have feelings for this guy and are hanging on to some crazy hope that things will work out.

I don't normally like to make snap judgements about people, but it is pretty safe to say this guy is a nut. Who CARES if he acts sweet and loving and funny? He's a *****. You've got dig up some respect for yourself and just FORGET ALL ABOUT this guy. When you see him at work be civil and polite but don't go out of your way and try to avoid him whenever possible. If you're out on the town and run into him just ignore him. You must be enjoying this drama on some level, or else you would have moved on a long time ago. Until you get tired of dealing with him and his BS, then you're going to be caught in this cycle. You can get out of it whenever you decide you're ready.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

Old 03-06-2007, 02:39 PM   #5
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bulletproof HB User
Re: At my wits end with ex

Don't answer his calls (or his texts), don't take rides home from him, and don't go on vacation with him. That should stop giving him the opportunity to argue with you. Eventually it will blow over and you will be able to go out in peace again. You can always go out to new places instead of the ones he knows you'll be in.

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