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Old 03-06-2007, 02:24 PM   #1
nonamewoman
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Please Help Me

So I left for work leaving the last few quid (20 to be exact) that I borrowed from my 20-year-old cousin (a student!!!!) to last me for few days till I get paid. I have had shakes for having to ask him while my hubby kept on saying that he will pay it back from the social services money. I have no family here at all.

So I left it to make sure I don't spend it to buy sandwiches at work, etc...
came back and hubby is not in, no email, no letter....then after a 3 and a half hours. The girlfriend of his ONLY male friend called to say that they were drinking (her Bf and my hubby) and that they borrowed 5 quid from her. Needless to say I felt dismayed, stiff, and so sick. THEY (TOGETHER) came back with a bottle of vodka, and more beers!!!
So we asked them both to leave and as they tried to calm me, I got only worse, strated shouting abuse at both of them I said a---holes and staff like that
It's not me I swear to God. It's not the language I would use ...but God knows how bad I felt
Then my hubby got aggressive and started hitting me...his friend M tried to defend me and stood in the way so I ran off and M kept on following me despite begging him not to . I needed to breathe. Then he kept on following me (DRUNK) saying he didn't want to leave me alone....and he ended up falling on the ground! People gathered and I started panicking and crying.

To make things worse, my dad, who I love very much, called me exactly then as my family were worried about me (I couldn't afford to make an International call for long because I am stuck in material s--t). I was crying like mad and I got him worried. The men around M were trying to talk to me at the same time and I just didn't know what to do. Finally a Community Service Officer came to check him and found that he was NOT hurt. M told him he was Schezphronic (spelling?) and that he needed a tablet (with drinks????)!!!!

So I had to gather my strength and thought I could just let him get back to the flat to collect his jacket and get a coffee..I also rang his GF who came over.
When I got back hubby had slept (YEP! Was easy to just start snoring) and M and his GF were in the living room. I am not the kind of person who can talk to a drunkard in a joking way, so I had a bit of an attitude towards him....and all of a sudden he started to scream at`me (IN FRONT OF HIS GF!) f--k you , f--k you!!!! His gf watching and he started saying that I was nasty I didn't appreciate what he and she did for me....and that they BROKE UP because of ME!!He said that he understood why my hubby treated me like that, because I MEAN AND NASTY AND SCREAM...He said that I was MAD.... then he pushed me physically!!!!!!.. I was really firm and told him that if he does it once more he will have `to leave or I will involve the cops.
I said that I didn't only for his GF then , SHE LEFT said that she had a class!!!
and she left me with him! I asked him to go home and calm down as I was really scared of him and couldn't encounter him.
He started saying that he was hurt, I had an attitude, that he only tried to protect me...asked me to leave my hubby and dtried to hug me! I got up and said that I needed to leave cause I needed to make a phone call ...from the pay phone. So FINALLY he gone away...
His GF later texted me to make sure I was ok.
...sorry guys...I wish I could talk to you face to face...I am enraged and feeling breathless as I am typing. My chest is so heavy with hurt but I need to talk to you SO MUCH. Please anyone tell me what to do..I feel like I want to turn off the lights and have a sleep that never ends! I hate myself...being hit like a piece of worthless nothing! I am so angry and numb...I can't believe how I ended up
I have no money and I am unable to get any help...I feel tired..no energy to stand up for myself.
This sc-m bag my hubby allows himself and another man to abuse abuse me...WOW what a an animal!!! I also feel down for having worried my dad, for having no money and having to ask the abuser on Thursday whhen he gets his money!!!!!!!
For having to go to work

I hate myself so much

Last edited by nonamewoman; 03-06-2007 at 02:34 PM.

 
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Old 03-06-2007, 02:31 PM   #2
tarheel247
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Re: Please Help Me

where are you (country)? all that happened and nobody called the police? you need to leave the bf and the friends. for anyone to treat you like that is uncalled for. we seem to be the company we keep. if you are not happy then you should find other company (friends). could you go stay with your dad? maybe he can help get you where you need to be. good luck.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 02:32 PM   #3
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Re: Please Help Me

I know you have no money, but there has got to be a woman's shelter somewhere. Go online and find one, and find a way to get there. Call the police if you have to, they may be able to help you and give you a ride. But do something, because staying there is not helping you. Surely you must know one person, a friend, a neighbor, a coworker, that can help you? What about the cousin who loaned you the money? Either way, there are government services in place for this exact scenario. You just have to want to get out of there. Please want it bad enough. You are worth more than this situation. Good luck.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 02:48 PM   #4
nonamewoman
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Re: Please Help Me

Thanks for your replies...My cousin is about 9 hours away and I don't drive. I have a job that I can't afford to lose..I know how sick I am for being under the same roof with him...but trust me I WILL leave as soon as I get paid, next Thursday. I feel sick he got up and put the tele on ..so sorry if I can't respond more frequently please tell me what else to do

 
Old 03-06-2007, 02:51 PM   #5
tarheel247
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Re: Please Help Me

We can tell you what to do all day long in every thread you have posted. But it is up to you to do as anyone would suggest. If you can't lv till Thursday, then you need to at least stay away from him until the day comes. Who knows what he will do if he catches wind of you lving.

Last edited by tarheel247; 03-06-2007 at 02:52 PM.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 02:56 PM   #6
bulletproof
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Re: Please Help Me

You can still keep your job and go stay somewhere else, even if it's a shelter. Why can't you do that? If you're that desperate for cash, take something valuable and go to a pawn shop, use the money and go to a hotel for the week. You are on a computer and you have a television- you must have some other items of value in your house. How badly do you want out? It doesn't sound like you want out badly enough.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:08 PM   #7
nonamewoman
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Re: Please Help Me

I am in England and it's 10:05 pm. I don't even know what a pawn shop is. I am not entitled to shelter, tried to ring women's refuge before.
Please I shouldn't need to prove my urge to leave...I am DEVASTATED. Please try to understand the way I feel

Last edited by nonamewoman; 03-06-2007 at 03:08 PM.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:10 PM   #8
mommyjen25
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Re: Please Help Me

i agree with the last poster, we can tell you what to do but you have to want to get out of that situation. also agree that you should call the police or go online right now and look up woman shelters until you get paid then go see if you can stay with your cousin or father its not healthy to be around those kind of people. if that was me i would of been gone along time ago. but i promised myself i would never go through that my mom was abused by my dad he was always drunk and on drugs when he came home it was so bad at our house. and what ever you do dont listen to your husband when he tells you hes gonna change because you should know he wont my dad used to do that to my mom he was sober he would cry and beg and my mom always forgave him. and he would be fine for a day or 2 the min he would do drugs or get drunk he was the same nasty drunk. so please get out of there. do you have any kids togther? i hope not because they shouldnt see that.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:23 PM   #9
happymom28
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Re: Please Help Me

Is it possible for you to call the police, press charges, and get a protective order? The protective order will keep him out of your home and you will be safe until you get paid and can make other arrangements. Why let him and his friend get away with putting their hands on you? They deserve to go to jail for that! I also agree with the other posters who said to find a woman's shelter. I would seek as much help as you can get.

A pawn shop is a place you can go to sell something you own (like jewelry) and get cash for it.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:30 PM   #10
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Re: Please Help Me

We are trying to understand the way you feel, but this is very serious and you could get very hurt. You have to leave. Why aren't you entitled to go to a shelter? Or, as the other poster suggested, call the police and have him taken out of the home. That might be the even better option. Then you don't have to worry about where to go. Are you in a house, an apartment? Is there not one neighbor whose door you could knock on for help?

 
Old 03-06-2007, 03:36 PM   #11
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Re: Please Help Me

i dont know how alot of states work with the protective orders in buffalo they call them (restraining orders). but they didnt work for my mom or me she had one for awhile my dad moved out living with the girl he cheated on my mom with. he was still harassing her she went bowling with her gfs and my dad came in there all drunk securtity threw him out and my mom called the police they couldnt do anything because about the time the police got there he was gone they told her next time he bothers her they will arrest him. well a week later we were sleeping in our house my dad drunk again broke into me and my moms house threatened to kill her he wouldnt leave she called the cops they told her it was ok to break a window its his house to. she explained she had a restraining order they still didnt do anything. they almost arrested my mom for yelling at the cops because she was upset that they didnt do anything. i think the best thing for you to do is leave that house go to womans shelter youll be alot safer there. i know its late where your at but im sure there open 24 hours.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 04:57 PM   #12
rayefaye
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Re: Please Help Me

I couldn't agree more that restraining isn't nothing but a piece of paper and unless he leaves you half-way dead the cops are useless. It's a shame that women in the country are still treated with no respect and like we have no rights. So many women are battered and abused every minute, it's a shame and it seems that the people who are supposed to protect you can't even do that. I have to side with everyone, it's your decision, but I would get out now while you can because it will only get worse. You should have had him arrested the first time he laid hands on you.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 05:14 PM   #13
happymom28
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Re: Please Help Me

Well then I guess I was lucky with my restraining order, because it did help me. My ex-husband got arrested the first time he violated it. I haven't heard from him since. I should have realized that not everyone is so lucky. You're right, it is just a piece of paper and if the police department in your area isn't serious about how they handle these things then they are worth nothing.

However, the documentation is a good thing. It helps, especially when going through with the divorce. It could end up being "he said, she said" and if you have some sort of documentation to back you up it goes a long way.

 
Old 03-07-2007, 04:50 PM   #14
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Re: Please Help Me

You're right about that get all the documentation you can get in a divorce. But when you leave out in the woods, it's always harder to get someone out to your house. My ex-husband try to set my house on fire and it took the sheriff over and hr to get there, Thank God he didn't succeed.

 
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