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Angry and confused


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Old 03-09-2007, 10:01 PM   #1
Grand Duke
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Angry and confused

Hi

I am recently back with my ex girlfriend and we promised that things would be different this time around. The thing that broke us up last time was University work and stress and also cos we live more than half an hour away from each other. I travel so far to see her but it doesnt seem worth it when shes not enthusiastic to see me, like im wasting my time.

I bought her a valentines day present and she forgot valentines day. She didnt buy me a present (not that i want or need one, just a thought would be nice). So she gets my present and she just says thanks so much. For her birthday, i buy her a nice present and when it was my birthday, i got nothing. She never got me any christmas present too, she just says she forgot or that her presence is her present. This happend when we went out the first time as well, she learnt nothing, she just repeated her mistakes this time.

Its come to the point where i have to buy my own presents 'from her' just to keep my family and friends quiet.

Its the start of semester at Uni and she is stressing like mad that she is being so rude to me. She only does 2 units and goes to uni twice a week. Me and everyone else i know study 4 to 5 units and work part time on top of that. She just seems so weak and lazy to me. Everytime i suggest going somewhere and taking her out, she is never enthusiastic, i have to encourage her.

She tells me a few weeks ago that she wanted to go to this place, i tell her we will go and i told her constantly that i dont know exactly where this place is. She didnt care, she didnt bother to look herself, just left it upto me. So i ask for directions on the day and she doesnt even stand next to me to help out.

Anyway, she is known for stressing goes over the top with it. I dont know what to do, ppl tell me i should be with someone who is nice and thinks about me but i cant end the relationship again, can i?

i would like your thoughts on this post, please, thank you

Last edited by Grand Duke; 03-09-2007 at 10:35 PM.

 
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Old 03-10-2007, 04:02 AM   #2
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Re: Angry and confused

Sounds like too much hard work to me. You (like everybody) deserve to have somebody who wants and likes to be with you. Don't settle for someone who doesn't seem to care whether you are there or not. Life is too short. I wouldn't obsess too much about the present thing. Not all families do presents and it can be a hard thing to pick up. The thought is necessary tho. Course you can end it if it is not going anywhere, so long as you are upfront. Who knows, she may not even notice. Good luck, Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 03-10-2007 at 04:03 AM.

 
Old 03-10-2007, 06:32 AM   #3
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Re: Angry and confused

she sounds selfish and acts like a prima donna....everyone should cater to her. the world revolves around her......why are you with her?

 
Old 03-10-2007, 07:22 AM   #4
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Re: Angry and confused

Seems to me that things aren't about to change anytime soon. I know how it feels your partner just doesn't seem to care, it's awful, you begin to wonder if it's really worth it. I know what you mean about the presents, it's the lack of thought/consideration that gets to you. You need to evaluate things mate, if it didn't work out the first time and nothing seems to change then you need to get out and find someone that treats you right, as you seem to do her.
She needs to know this too, a good kick up the backside (not literally, lol) is what she needs to wake up. If theres no improvement, jack it all in and get with your life.

 
Old 03-10-2007, 08:30 AM   #5
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Re: Angry and confused

It takes two people to be in a relationship. She obviously doesn't put in as much effort as you do. You have given it a second chance and nothing has changed. I think that's a pretty good indication of how things will be in the future. You deserve a girlfriend who thinks as much of you as you do her. You can sit around hoping she will change, but it really seems like you will be wasting more of your time if you do.

 
Old 03-10-2007, 06:32 PM   #6
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Re: Angry and confused

Thank you all for your advice, i know you are right, thanks again

 
Old 03-11-2007, 01:07 AM   #7
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Re: Angry and confused

OK, just an update. I told her about everything im feeling and she started crying. Then she tells me that im not doing enough to show her i care about her! can you beleive that? Im the one that goes out of my way to do it and she just receives while i give.

It took guts for me to tell her i love her and then she discredits me, i do everything i can for her and she discredits me. I told her this which led to more crying and saying shes sorry and that she is wrong etc and to giv her another chance. I have given her millions of chances. Its the same mistakes of hers she keeps repeating.

Sorry guys about this, just need to get it off my chest

 
Old 03-11-2007, 03:35 AM   #8
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Re: Angry and confused

It sounds that you're girlfriend is a real stressful personality. Because i'm the same I can sympathise to SOME degree with her and say you should give her one last chance... but at the end of the day, I am never rude or disrespectful to my boyfriend and if I was, i'd deserve it if he left me.

If you do give this another chance perhaps encourage her to exercise more, do yoga, couselling... something... to help releive her stress. If she's not so highly strung, you'll both enjoy the relationship more. But if you're not happy, and you feel that she isn't returning what you give, then you deserve more and walk away.

I wish you all the best!

 
Old 03-11-2007, 04:42 AM   #9
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Re: Angry and confused

thanks for that, i booked her in for councelling ages ago, she cancelled them all and told me i was being selfish for making her go, i offered to take time off work to go with her, but obviously thats not good enough

anyway, hopefully it will get better, we had a long talk

 
Old 03-11-2007, 03:02 PM   #10
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Re: Angry and confused

I certainly wouldn't be worrying about buying her any presents from now on...I bet that'll freak her out! She'd probably cry her eyes out when you forget about a holiday...too bad there's nothing coming up soon to try that out on her! HAHA! But really...I do believe that may make her realize how crappy it makes you feel when she forgets about you!

 
Old 03-11-2007, 05:00 PM   #11
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Re: Angry and confused

Way too many fish in the sea to be treated like this. Thank God, you're not married to her because it would even be worse. Please let her go and find someone who will treat you better than this.

 
Old 03-13-2007, 01:21 AM   #12
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Re: Angry and confused

I think your girlfriend has problems with depression. Some people's depression manifests as selfish behaviors such as not buying their partner gifts, even on birthdays. Depression can manifest as "laziness" and a seeming inability to plan anything, get excited about anything, or do much of anything that's not absolutely necessary. And it definitely can cause a person to feel overwhelmed by a lot less than what it would take a non-depressed person (which is why taking 2 classes is overwhelming for her, while most people can manage 4-5). And finally, the biggest problem with depression, it cause a person to deny that he/she needs help and causes the person to outright refuse to get help, etc. (But trust me, deep deep down, she wants it.)

Your solution is to make an ultimatum. Either she goes to a counselor with you and takes antidepressent medication for at least a few months, or you will end the relationship. Make it easy for her: make the appointment, drive her there. Make it absolutely clear that you love her and want to help her, and you will if she will be willing to do her part, but that you will have to leave if she won't do her part, because you can't thrive with the way things are now.

You really can't be happy in a relationship with a depressed person who refuses to help him or herself, but maybe if she sees how serious you are, she will finally go to the counselor.

A lot of people here see a selfish spoiled girl, but I think your girlfriend is depressed and overwhelmed and scared of life, and her brain chemistry needs some rebalancing by medication, so that she can get some joy out of it. She probably does not even realize how miserable she is nor that she doesn't have to live that way.

I hope you understand what I'm getting at and instead of seeing her as a selfish person will try to help her one last time before you leave.

 
Old 03-14-2007, 02:06 AM   #13
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Re: Angry and confused

thanks for that last post. I booked many councelling appointments for her but she would never go, she cancelled them and accused me of being selfish. Anyway i will g ive her that ultimatum you were suggesting. Thank you!

 
Old 03-14-2007, 05:59 PM   #14
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Re: Angry and confused

I don't think your gf realizes how special you are. Wow, that's such A SHAME!
You went out of your way to book counseling sessions for her? That is the most caring thing... FAR FROM SELFISH.

The only thing I can say that is true, is that your gf has never had a boyfriend in the past that treated her bad, i'm sure. She has no idea what it's like to have a cheating, lying, down talking boyfriend. Your too good for her... Realize it, understand it, and be one with it lol

If everything you say is true, which I have no reason to believe otherwise, then please do yourself a favor- Let her read these threads to your post. And not just that but don't let her tears guilt you from leaving her..and don't let her guilt trip you into thinking that your feelings aren't valid.

You tell her how you feel and she backfires with you don't show her you care about her enough? Pshh... BS! She just doesn't get it, how sad.

She needs to change, but she doesn't see it yet. It won't work until she sees it on her own. It may take years and years-

This is your life and no one can make you happy but YOU.

This relationship is taking too much effort- in healthy relationships you shouldn't have to try so hard...

 
Old 03-14-2007, 07:09 PM   #15
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Re: Angry and confused

She basically doesn't care about you.

This is what I call: incompatible

End it.......and move on.

If she begs........don't give in.

If you continue.........you are missing out on finding another great gal.

 
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