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Should I do it?..call her?


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Old 03-12-2007, 07:16 PM   #1
josieinkwt
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Unhappy Should I do it?..call her?

So here is the thing, my hubby (we have been together 5+ yrs) has been calling this (x-girl friend) he says she is just a friend, and she lives 3 states away. I saw her on that popular friend web page thingy(she is fugly by the way) and we r staying with his parents and I was lookin thru old albums and saw her ugly face, (they must have been high school sweethears or sumethin)..so I caught him callin her all the time and confronted him he said he wouldnt call(that was last summer). I saw on our paper phone bill that he made just a few calls last month to her and i confronted him and he said it was all inocent. The bill only reflects phone calls not txt messages. Now I have access to our phone bill online and it shows all the calls he made as well as txt messages to whom. Now hes up to it again but he is deleting the calls/txt messages they have. He always seems to be the one 'initiating the calls' but they are never that long a few min here and there. Now today I got online to see and last friday they made 30 txt between them on Fri yes 30!! txt messesges back and forth. He knows (or thinks he knows) that I cant see txt so mabey thats why he is thinking he can get away with it. What could they possible be txt back and forth. We never txt like that! Anywho I am getting so frustrated and he always plays the bluff like this: nothing is goin on trust me! Go ahead and call her see what she says! " So should I call her?? Ask her what the heck is goin on, see if she even know that he is married man?!?! Or do u think she will lie and just say sumthin to get me off her back. I dont know some days i wanna call her and see what happens other days i just chicken out. (I have her # programed in my cell) So I need advice and I cant stop this from eating away my brain!!

Last edited by josieinkwt; 03-12-2007 at 07:19 PM.

 
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:26 PM   #2
try-ink
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

You should start by texting her. Give her a call when she is not responding to your text message.

 
Old 03-12-2007, 07:34 PM   #3
bulletproof
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

Do not call or text her. Do you honestly think she is going to admit if they are having an affair or if she wants to have one?

Confront your husband with the phone bill. Tell him you know about the thirty text messages and everything else. Tell him he needs to stop. This is between you and him, not you and this woman.

 
Old 03-12-2007, 07:45 PM   #4
Kittengirl22
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

Why are you making this about her? For all she knows, he has told her he is single.

Your beef is with your husband, hon, not this woman. He is the one who is playing around on you, and he is the one who vowed to be faithful. And in my book, where there is smoke, there is fire. He's already lying to you about what he is doing.

I think in your heart you know what to do. A woman always does...

 
Old 03-13-2007, 05:50 AM   #5
skipa dee babe
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

Hello,
I have to agree , i've been married for 15 yrs and if my hubby ever did that , and he knew it bothered me and then kept doing it in secret. I would have his suitcase packed by the door as that is disrepectful to your feelings. And if she doesn't mean anything to him then why contact her at all or even so many times.
Skipa

 
Old 03-13-2007, 06:27 AM   #6
happymom28
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

If it is all so innocent then why is your hubby going out of his way to delete all the evidence from his phone? Print out the online phone bill, highlight all the calls and texts between the two of them, and confront him with it.

She has nothing to do with this. Like a PP said, he could have told her he was single or whatever. Your anger belongs with your hubby. He is lying to you, he is going behind your back, and he is wrong!

Is there anyway to call the phone company and get a print out of what the texts said? I have always wondered if that was possible. Wouldn't that be nice to find out what they have to say in 30 texts to eachother? Could be interesting.

 
Old 03-13-2007, 07:41 AM   #7
josieinkwt
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
If it is all so innocent then why is your hubby going out of his way to delete all the evidence from his phone? Print out the online phone bill, highlight all the calls and texts between the two of them, and confront him with it.

She has nothing to do with this. Like a PP said, he could have told her he was single or whatever. Your anger belongs with your hubby. He is lying to you, he is going behind your back, and he is wrong!

Is there anyway to call the phone company and get a print out of what the texts said? I have always wondered if that was possible. Wouldn't that be nice to find out what they have to say in 30 texts to eachother? Could be interesting.
I have confronted him about it before and he has constantly said that she is just an old friend and that they contacted each other on class mates last summer. And also in the past I had confronted him about why if it is all inoccent that the call are made away from me, 1st thing in the morning or while he is driving around at work. He told me its because he knows how I can overreact and doesnt want me to get all ****** at his so thts why he goes behind my back and then covers his tracks. Each time I 'find out' he goes at calling her in more sneaky ways. I feel if I confront him this time he will just contune calling her thru pay phones or calling cards to cover his ***. He has told me just last month that she knows about me (I doubt he has made us serious) and I was like what the hell could you possible be talkin about me about? And he told me that he talks about our problems!! I told him that is none of any1s buisness let alone some stranhger, and he tryies to pull the card that well I dont have any friends and that this is my first relationship (he is the only guy I ever dated) and that I dont know any better, that everyone talks about their relationship problems to others, just I wouldnt know. (Just because I dont have friends, or experience doent make me know what is right or wrong, but somehow thats his logic...)Anywhay I told him last month that I dont like him calling her (this is probably the 4 or 5th confrontation) He was all like well she called me! what was i supposed to do not answer and I was like YES!! So the first few times of me finding out I was ******, now I am so numb to this all that it doenst get me all emotional anymore, I guess Im just tired of it all. He is never going to tell me the truth of whats really going on. He says that they are old friends but I feel like he is the one trying to go out of his way to make a over the phone relation ship (it that is even possible) Thats why I wanted to call her...not to yell or scream at her, or even to blame her...just to see what her side of the story is. Hopefully if she has a consious after I call she probably woulnt talk to him anymore...

as for the phone txt thing ..that is a really good idea, Im gonna call today to see if I can , but I think because its a privacy thing they wont relsease the words from the text (mabey only for leagal reaasons??) but hey its worth the shot...

Last edited by josieinkwt; 03-13-2007 at 07:44 AM.

 
Old 03-13-2007, 08:53 AM   #8
happymom28
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

I didn't realize how many times you have talked to him about it.

What bothers me about all of this is he knows it bothers you and has told you he would stop doing it. Instead of stopping he lied to you and contacted her when you weren't around. He used the excuse that you would get upset, but why shouldn't you? He lied to you saying he would stop and instead hid it from you. That's just wrong.

Maybe he thinks that you won't have the nerve to call her and that's why he tells you to do so. At this point, why not call his bluff and just call her to say hi? He said it was okay and that it's all innocent and friendly so he has no reason to get mad. It's not like you have to mean to her or accuse of anything. You can say something like "my husband says you two a good friends and I thought it would be nice for us to get to know eachother as well".

My husband is very good friends with one of his ex-girlfriends. The thing is, he was very up front with me about it from the very beginning. We have all gone out together. They talk on the phone and she is going to be the God Mother of our youngest daughter. He gives me no reason to suspect anything or be jealous. However, if he was carrying on like your husband behind my back and such I would be a lot less trusting. If there is nothing to hide then he shouldn't be so secretive.

Of course, you can always give him an ultimatum, but I don't know what good that would do. He's already gone to great lengths deleting his call history and texts to keep this from you. Unfortunately he probably will only get sneakier.

Let me know if you have any luck getting the texts. I'm very curious.

 
Old 03-13-2007, 09:22 AM   #9
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Re: Should I do it?..call her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
why not call his bluff and just call her to say hi? He said it was okay and that it's all innocent and friendly so he has no reason to get mad. It's not like you have to mean to her or accuse of anything. You can say something like "my husband says you two a good friends and I thought it would be nice for us to get to know eachother as well".
This isnt a bad idea. I think in your shoes I would take this advice. If she gets all defensive when you explain who you are then you'll have your answers.

I also think it's true that if he had nothing to hide he wouldnt need to be so secretive. If my bf made a habit of discussing our relationship problems with an EX during countless secretive calls and texts I'd slap his face so hard I'd have his eyes goin like this

Last edited by Laylah; 03-13-2007 at 09:22 AM.

 
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