It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • cheating yes no maybe?

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-13-2007, 07:55 PM   #1
    suzyshop1
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2002
    Location: dover,de,usa
    Posts: 1,654
    suzyshop1 HB User
    cheating yes no maybe?

    Ok let me start off by saying,i never thought i would be posting on this board.I desperatly need some advice and input.Please bare with me ,i need to give you some background info so you know where im coming from.I'll try and put this in a nutshell.I just turned 50 my hubby is 39 we've been married going on 16yrs.My second marriage his 1st.We have a 8 yr old son.My first marriage ended badly.My ex husband got my younger sister pregnant and divorced me and my son when he was only 7.It was a traumatizing experience for both me and my older son.I told myself i would never trust another man again.But like an idiot i met someone else who wanted to take care of me and my first son.We got married and thought we would live happily ever after.Ok thats my background feel free to jump in anytime with thoughts or opinions.Now to the situation at hand.My hubby and i dont always like the same kind of movies.So for a couple of wks hes been mentioning hed like to go see the movie 300.I didnt want to go so i told him to go see it himself.Well anyhow he comes home straight from work throws his going out clothes on and says im going to the movies.My son starts whinning i want to go.My hubby says no its too violent for him to see,and anyway daddy needs some me time.I was sick at the time in bed,he walked out of the bedroom.And so for some weird reason or suspicion something told me to get up and go out in the livroom.He had taken the livroom phone into the bathroom and closed the door.I stood outside the bathroom door and heard him say on the phone to someone that they would meet to go out to eat and then to a movie.When he came out the bathroom door,i confronted him.I said who are you going to the movies with?Im going with a friend and thats all he said.I was upset and went into the bedroom and shut the door.My son heard all this and by now he was yelling and begging his dad not to go.My son ran out the door up to the car and was begging him not to go.He told my son that he would try and get out of the plans he had made.He told him that to just get him away from the car.Apparently he went to the movies then dinner, because he brought my son back something to eat.I confronted him and told him if your cheating be a man about admit it and pack your stuff.He laughed at me and told me im imagining things.Am i?Am i blowing this out of proportion.Does this seem suspicous to anyone.All replies will be greatly appreciated.Im so sadd.Thankyou for listening.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-13-2007, 08:25 PM   #2
    try-ink
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 442
    try-ink HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    I can't tell if he is cheating or not.

    The info that you mention is too little for me to say:

    His actions is suspicious.(hiding)

    Are you sure it was a women on the phone? could be just a buddy or something? maybe that's why he laughs, when you confronted him.

    Anyway......at least he bought something for your son. I mean.....if he were to go on a date with a women, shouldn't he be looking extra nice, and he did bring left-overs home....this alone shows that he can't be on a date. It's probably nothing.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 08:29 PM   #3
    prairie_dawn
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: usa
    Posts: 545
    prairie_dawn HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    Well you didnt miss hear him you heard him tell someone he was going to meet. It might have been that he had to pee and took the phone in to save time. (i do the same LOL). It was you who said go to the movie and if he wants to go with a freind thats fine but who was the freind? Did he tell you when you suspected him to ease your mind? That would have been my first reaction, was to tell you yes I did go with someone it was (so and so) and been done with it. OR he might have thought that what you asked was so out of the park for you to think of him that he laughed it off and think your off your rocker. Or he is cheating on you. I dont know which one it is but you have to put it out of your mind because NOW you will think everything he does is to be someone else.

    Did he just act weird when you asked or did he laugh at you only? Laughing at you usually means he thinks your nuts cuz he has nothing to hide and you must be smokin sumpin! If he said um uh um I was , um with um well a friend then i would say there might be.

    Also, please dont confront him infront of your child. If you didnt thats great but I am just letting you know if you did DONT. He doesnt need to be in your business and resent your husband because you are angry. He IS ONLY a child and when he becomes 10 and says o well I dont like dad you will regret doing things like that infront of him. Talk to eachother away from your child. Saying goes...."you got business?" "Go mind it" that is what kids should do. You can be rip roaring mad at your husband and you will do your child no justice ever if you speak that way infront of him to your spouse. Yeah yeah I know kids hear it everyday BUT they go on to be adults that do the same and it still doesnt make it right.

    In my opinion 16 years, he went to a movie with a freind and laughed at you...I would have to say that isnt cheating. ARe you feeling that he is younger than you and wants someone else? Are you feeling that you are too old? If so please talk to him. My husband and I have known eachother 16 years, been together 11 years and married 7 years. I have a child almost 12 from a first marriage (we are good freinds) and dh and I have 3 of our own. He knows when I am feeling icky without me having to say a word, trust me your mood wont go unnoticed so talk to him.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 08:32 PM   #4
    prairie_dawn
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: usa
    Posts: 545
    prairie_dawn HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by try-ink View Post
    Anyway......at least he bought something for your son. I mean.....if he were to go on a date with a women, shouldn't he be looking extra nice, and he did bring left-overs home....this alone shows that he can't be on a date. It's probably nothing.

    O my God I forgot that he did that DUH yeah doesnt sound too much like a date to me at all. LOL You poor woman you must be thinking so many different things right now. I really think he had to pee and just took phone in while he was talking. LOL

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 09:05 PM   #5
    suzyshop1
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2002
    Location: dover,de,usa
    Posts: 1,654
    suzyshop1 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    What i dont understand is why he wasnt up front in the first place about going out with a friend to the movies and dinner.Why he led me to believe that he was going alone.My husband and i have no real outside friends ,i am a stay at home mom.If i were to do exactly the same thing he did i know he would demand and explanation,and if it didnt suit him bar me from taking the car.And if he really wasnt cheating why in the world would he walk out the door knowing that both me and my son were highly upset.What was it that was so much more important then me and my sons feeling.If i were to want to do something and he was totally against it i would seriously take into consideration his feelings,and then decide my actions.There are so many more opportunities for him to cheat than me.He knew my past and how devastated i was over my first marriage.I dont trust him or myself now.There mustve have been signs in my first marriage that i didnt see or just refused to see.I dont want to go thru that hell again.This situation has caught me totally off guard.As for my son i spoke to him about his dad and told him this has nothing to do with him.Thats its between me and his dad.My first husband did exactly the same thing when we split up.He did it right in front of my son who was old enough to know that his daddy was leaving .And too this very day my son from my previous marriage has no relationship with his father.His father wants nothing to do with him.I dont want this same thing to happen with my son from this marriage.Im so stressed and crushed.If there was ever a dysfunction family it is mine.Thanks very much for your opinions and input.Take care.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 09:43 PM   #6
    Blastoff9600
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Location: Louisiana
    Posts: 3,307
    Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    Actually what he has done is signs of cheating. The hiding while on the phone and yes even bringing food home. Believe it or not a guy doesnt have to get all dressed up before going out to be cheating. If he has been doing it a while he wont still be in the frame of mind to dress to impress. Second brining home food for his son could easily be a way to throw you off. Basically saying see I'm not a total jerk I brought home food cause I was thinking of my son. Guys tend to do one of two things when cheating and feel bad. They either go overboard in being nice and loving to his family or he starts ignoring the family. Also it varies on how a guy will react when accused of cheating. One guy I knew laughed at his wife every time she accused him. Sad thing was she was right on the money every time. Some will question why you ask,some will turn it and accuse the one asking and the list goes on. You can never judge based on reaction alone.
    Granted it could have easily gone out with a friend but he should have said something before hand.
    If you have a cell phone I suggest checking the bill online for any numbers you dont know. You can try checking your home phone as well but if the numbers are local most companies dont list them on the bill. If he uses a debit/credit card check those for the night he went to the movie. You can also do that online and see what charges occurred that night. Also wouldnt hurt to check past times he has gone out without you.
    I know sounds horrible to know ways to check up on him but if you do and dont see anything at least you have that. If you do find stuff then you can sit back and think about what your next steps will be.
    To me it looks fishy. It may not be that way but just doesnt add up. I also do agree it seemed rather heartless that he still went out when his son was clearly upset. He should have stayed home with his son at the very least.
    __________________
    Married 3/25/95
    DS 13 yr
    DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
    TTC #3 since 01/02

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 02:19 AM   #7
    SamanthaYork
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: York, YK
    Posts: 94
    SamanthaYork HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by try-ink View Post
    I can't tell if he is cheating or not.

    The info that you mention is too little for me to say:

    His actions is suspicious.(hiding)

    Are you sure it was a women on the phone? could be just a buddy or something? maybe that's why he laughs, when you confronted him.

    Anyway......at least he bought something for your son. I mean.....if he were to go on a date with a women, shouldn't he be looking extra nice, and he did bring left-overs home....this alone shows that he can't be on a date. It's probably nothing.
    I do agree with that - but shouldnt he just be able to say who the person was? not hide stuff etc - i dont get why he would need to do that. Me and my fella dont need to hide the names of our friends. Maybe it was a woman - but just a friend.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 02:48 AM   #8
    Seraph
    Facilitator
    (female)
     
    Seraph's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 5,436
    Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    That is very strange, why he wouldn't just say "I am meeting Clarence and we will go for a meal". You are his WIFE, not just a roommate. Still, I think he is playing some teasing type game with you. No one who was starting to cheat would act like that surely...You didn't say if he was stupid, but I still can't imagine it.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 03:00 AM   #9
    brook65
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: kent
    Posts: 1,434
    brook65 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    My gut instinct here is that he is NOT cheating, could be wrong of course, but to me it sounds like you have jumped the gun abit, and your son is probably picking up that there is something wrong, by your reaction to your husband.

    I personally recon he wanted to see the film, but didn't want to look sad on his own, so he asked perhaps a guy he works with (whos wife also doesn't want to see it) to go with him. So with him not saying who this freind is by name, would make sence as you may not know him anyway.

    If he was playing away, firstly he wouldn't of given you the option of seeing a film with him, also he wouldn't of told you he was going to a film, he would of made something lame up like work meeting, working late etc etc. Another thing is that if he was speaking to a woman on the phone, I am sure he probably wouldn't of spoke to her in the house, or in earshot.

    Honestly I wouldn't make it an issue, but obviously if your gut says different, then watch points.

    Another thing is don't let your son be aware of your concerns, even if all this turns out to be totally innocent, your son will not forget the drama!

    Good luck

    Last edited by brook65; 03-14-2007 at 03:13 AM.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 05:00 AM   #10
    StenoLady1
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,645
    StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    I'm in the maybe/not sure camp.

    I agree with the poster who said this is your hubby, not some roomate. A simple, "I'm heading out with a buddy from work to see 300 and grab a bite," is what would have been said over here in my house.

    This almost sounds like what would happen at the end of an argument. Had you two had an argument either right before this or maybe during the day sometime? Even if you two hadn't had an argument, can you think of anything he would have irritated with you about?

    On a side note, DH wants to see 300, too, and I really didn't. Looked too violent, looked like a period war film. Then I brought this up to a few of my girlfriends who called me nutso and quickly forwarded me via email all kinds of photos of the actors in the film -- what these guys look like "normally" and what they look like for the film. Talk about eye candy! I'll happily go with DH to this one

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 05:41 AM   #11
    ILYF
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2005
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 494
    ILYF HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    Out to dinner with his guy friend...I doubt it!

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 05:52 AM   #12
    suzyshop1
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2002
    Location: dover,de,usa
    Posts: 1,654
    suzyshop1 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    As of today we still are not speaking.Hes trying to make me feel like im imagining things.As for me telling him it was ok to go to the movies,when i told him that it was a week or so ago.I want to know why he wont tell me the name of the person he went with.As for the person who thinks hes probably not cheating because he brought food home for my son.Like one poster said he could be doing that to throw me off.My first husband was dating my sister and taking her out to the movies behind my back.So you can imagine the alarm bells going off in my head when my husband said he was going to the movies with a friend.He usually tells me ahead of time when hes going anywhere without me.He doesnt have any women friends that i know of just like im not allowed to have men friends.And thats fine with me.He is controlling somewhat especially when it comes to money.He seems to think because im a stay at home mom that hes more important then me.That somehow raising his son and keeping the house up doesnt count much for anything.When i come home from shopping he always grills me about how much i spent.I told him if he wants to complain do the shopping himself.Thank God i have a supportive family.Right now i feel like ive been stabbed thru the heart.When he walked out that door knowing that my son and i were upset it was immediate flashback to what my 1st husband did to me many yrs ago.My 1st husband hurt me so badly that i started having anxiety attacks which i had never had in my life.Im afraid with the stress that im under now that there going to pop up again.Let me tell you they were some frightening things,would even happen in my sleep.The one thing my husband did say was that he was a big boy and he doesnt have to tell me where hes going or who hes with.He keeps a tight rein on me i would never be allowed to have the car to go out with any girlfriend,my sister ok someone he doesnt know,no way.My husband feels because he is the one who brings home the bacon,that he owns everything.I think hes feels hes got me over a barrell so to speak ,because i have some health problems and because i dont have much work experience.And also because im 50 im older then he is.But most ppl i talk to thinK we are around the same age.As for in the sex department thats practically nil.Im too old to go on any kind of birth control,and he doesnt want to use protection himself.So he thinks its perfectly ok for me to panic and worry everytime when that time of the month comes around.I really resent it that he thinks so little of my health that he would risk me getting pregnant at my age,and in my health condition.To top it off im right ready to head in to peri-menopause so my hormones are all over the place already.Well i guess thats about it for now i will update if anyone cares to know.Again thanks for listening.Take care.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 06:31 AM   #13
    tarheel247
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: NC
    Posts: 607
    tarheel247 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    You should have hit re-dial on the phone when he left. Then you would know who he went with. I don't think it's strange that he will not tell you who he went out with. If you would have asked him first rather then accuse/demand when he got out of the bathroom you would have prob gotten a better response. My stbxh would tell me anything I wanted to know as long as I didn't demand it. Men don't like to be backed up in a corner. Especially if they haven't done anything wrong. Since your husband likes control, he is trying to control the situation. Therefore not telling you anything. It's also not strange for him to go to the bathroom and talk on the phone. My ex does it too. If the movie was starting soon then maybe he needed to multi-task in order to get there in time.

    I wouldn't worry about your hubby cheating unless he starts doing things on a regular basis that is out of the norm. He did ask you to go first. It sounds like he just went with a buddy. Nothing more.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 06:36 AM   #14
    ILYF
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2005
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 494
    ILYF HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    I think that the biggest red flag...and a huge one at that...is him not telling you who he went with. I think if he really went with a male friend that he would have been more than happy to say "yeah, I'm going to a movie with 'Jimmy Bob' from work"...not "just some friend". That's such BS!!!!! Do you have a way to check his credit card statement? Or check his pocket for the receipts. Check and see if he paid for everything...if he only paid for his one ticket and his one meal then maybe he's telling you the truth. If he always charges EVERYTHING as my husband does...doesn't carry cash...but he just so happened to pay cash for it all...another huge red flag! Does his car smell like perfume? I caught my EX cheating on me because I came home from work and the whole house smelled like Lauren perfume To tell you the truth, I would have followed my husband to the movie to see who he was with. HA!

    Last edited by ILYF; 03-14-2007 at 06:36 AM.

     
    Old 03-14-2007, 06:51 AM   #15
    tarheel247
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: NC
    Posts: 607
    tarheel247 HB User
    Re: cheating yes no maybe?

    you cant go by credit card statements. if i go to lunch with a friend or friends one will pay with the card and we will pay them back with cash. or they will get lunch one time and we will get it the next time. sometimes making a big deal out of one thing when he has never done anything in the past can be bad for any relationship. of course anyone who has ever been cheated on is gonna say "OMFG he's cheating!!". But if you listen to reason all things point to a night out with a buddy. If my bf or husband would have accused me of something before trying to ask calmly..then he11 would freeze over before i would tell him anything.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Have you ever caught your partner cheating? Frynd1 Relationship Health 21 12-03-2008 11:28 PM
    why is everyone cheating these days! vctora07 Relationship Health 19 05-25-2007 08:44 AM
    The definition of cheating MandyAnne26 Relationship Health 14 10-17-2005 05:51 PM
    boyfriend thinks I'm cheating Brooke85 Relationship Health 11 03-28-2005 10:18 PM
    What are the signs of a cheating spouse? limille Relationship Health 67 05-07-2004 01:19 PM
    Ever have a suspicion of cheating without no proof?? Sunshine797 Relationship Health 5 04-22-2004 09:20 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:50 AM.





    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!