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Are they out of place for doing this?


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Old 03-16-2007, 02:24 PM   #1
Hangin in There
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Are they out of place for doing this?

I broke up with my long term boyfriend over a year and a half ago, and we haven't spoken or had any correspondence since. However, my mother and sister continue to send him greeting cards for holidays, and he will send them one back after he gets theirs. They never see or speak to each other otherwise. I've told them I think it's odd and feel uncomfortable with it. Their answer is they feel sorry for him because he lives alone. I told them he has family and friends and they need not worry about him. For all we know, he may have a new girlfriend who thinks it's strange he's still getting cards from his ex-girlfriend's family! Don't you think they should stop this?

 
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:57 PM   #2
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

yes I do think they should stop.....

 
Old 03-16-2007, 04:04 PM   #3
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

I think it's always a nice gesture to send someone a holiday card, no matter who it is. But since you told them you are uncomfortable with the idea, they should respect your wishes and stop.
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Old 03-16-2007, 05:43 PM   #4
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Yes, as was said above, I think they shoud respect YOUR wishes enough to stop.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 07:02 PM   #5
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

While I agree mostly with the above posters, I can also see it from your mom's point of view. Our daughter was in a long relationship and over the years we came to love her partner like another member of the family. When they broke up, it was like having someone die...no more contact etc. My daughter was generous enough to see this and we kept up a bit of similar contact, (greeting cards). Don't worry, everyone will move on eventually, we all did. It just tapered off.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 07:24 PM   #6
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

This isn't the case. They were never that close to him before. Only saw him once or twice a year. I asked them how long they were going to keep it up, and they couldn't answer....

 
Old 03-16-2007, 07:31 PM   #7
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Aah. Does sound a bit different. Weird, really, specially since you have made your feelings known to them. Are they being mean to you? Ignore it. Let them have their little game or whatever it is.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 08:39 PM   #8
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

I don't understand why you really care? How does them sending him a card, and you having nothing to do with it effect you? It sounds like they are just trying to be congenial. Are you still angry with him, do you expect them to be angry too? I guess I could understand you being upset if he really treated you badly, almost as if they were condoning his abuse, but if he was a decent guy, I don't think you should care.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 09:14 PM   #9
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

I just find it odd....If I was looking at a boyfriend's Christmas cards and there was a card from his ex' family, I'd wonder if he had really moved on. Maybe HE has a new girlfriend who feels the same way. Bottom line is, I think my family's loyalty should lie with me, not him.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 04:21 AM   #10
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Yes I think they should respect your wishes if you ask them to stop. But then again I guess a card or two yearly isn't that imposing.

If it's any consolation, my boyfriends mother is still very close to his ex girlfriend. To the extend of, we'd come home to find the mother and the ex sitting there having coffee before they went shopping together! Felt very sorry for my boyfriend! (Not to mention, myself!) So I guess just be thankful its only cards...

 
Old 03-17-2007, 09:21 AM   #11
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Did you finish things with him? it sounds to me that they really liked this guy, and are hoping that you will both make amends and get back together.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 10:52 AM   #12
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Oh, it's long been finished with him. They thought he was a decent enough guy, but agreed with me that the relationship was going nowhere. He was dull and the only time I saw him was a few hours on Saturday night when I cooked dinner for him. Now they "feel sorry" for him.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 10:56 AM   #13
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

oh right. Your right they probably feel sorry for him, and maybe they feel a bit guilty in a funny sort of way, with them agreeing with you that it was going no where.

But I agree they should respect you, it makes it look like (to him) you are wanting him back, and they are doing it for you.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 12:07 PM   #14
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

Ok they werent close to begin with so why now after you break up do they want to do this? He has moved on i'm sure and should stop because yes If i saw a card from an exgirlfriends family member I would think the same thing, that he hasnt moved on or there was something that wasnt finished.

But there is a problem now, if they stop cold turkey then he will think something is wrong. What if he expects them to contact him via cards now? And they stop he might feel bad. You might want to drop him a line and tell him that you asked your mom to stop with the cards because you were uncomforable about it and tell him that is exactly what you did.

good luck.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 12:16 PM   #15
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Re: Are they out of place for doing this?

I think they should respect your wishes... why are they being so adament about it... its not like they were close to him when he was around... sounds weird to me.

 
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