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his friend?

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Old 03-21-2007, 04:03 PM   #1
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apple_juice HB User
his friend?

Bear with me people. Ive had the flu since Sunday, Im still not feeling any better, it is the time of the month, im really behind on my work for university because i havent been able to do any work, had to call in sick today at work.......basically, im not feeling brillant. my hormones are all over the place because of the time of the month. right now i aint feeling like the greatest person alive.
what doesnt help is this girl who comes from the same town as my bf, they grew up together, has posted a message on my bfs profile.
here is the message:
we're setting a date for nxt wk. Tuesday? Dinner? xx
his message:
We'll do it! Buzz ya soon x
her message:
Hey hun, just got ur missed call, but i hardly have any reception on my mob as im at parents house for the night (and mummy is on the phone to family in tanzania- so not something i can interupt! :s) Im around uni tomorrow if ur around at all? coffee? Also- I doubt u have, but when ur were doing med anth, did u do anything on psychoanalysis? Its so baffling, im completely stuck on an essay- got to 1000words and have nothing more to say!!!!arrghhh! xxx

you know the situation with my bf. im insecure enough about him with other girls. i know i shouldnt be because he will never have better than me.
ij ust dont feel like the only girl in his life...well i wasnt as i mentioned in a previous post.
im mad.
am i being reasonable??

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Old 03-21-2007, 05:53 PM   #2
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Re: his friend?

Possibly not unreasonable, but, you know, half of the people in the world and at uni and everywhere are women. There are always going to be colleagues, fellow students, friends in his and your lives who are of the opposite sex. You have to trust him that there is only one SPECIAL woman in his life. There may be many female friends, acquaintances, etc, but only ONE you. Hope you feel better soon. Hormones AND the flu, no wonder you feel daggy!

Old 03-24-2007, 02:47 PM   #3
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Re: his friend?

By the way, I was being unreasonable. I know they are just friends. It was a mixture of the time of the month (which really affects me sometimes) and having the flu.
But I still feel awful, even after a year, of having to come to terms with him dating that girl so soon after we had broken up last year. I know he was free and single to do as he wished, but i always knew he liked her. it hurts deep inside, i cant describe it. It makes me sad. I only found out recently how intimate he was with her, i think thats why its always on my mind recently and affecting me more now than it has done so in the past. i cant seem to shrug it off. Maybe there is someone here on this board who has had to deal with with something like this?
I know he is with me now, I knowI should concentrate on the good things, and I do, but at times I get caught up with him and that girl. It shred my heart into pieces. I dont think he understands how much it hurts me.
I want to make things work so much because i love him and do not want to lose him but i cant feel like this forever and i cant keep arguing with him. how does this stop?

Last edited by apple_juice; 03-24-2007 at 02:48 PM.

Old 03-24-2007, 03:25 PM   #4
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Re: his friend?

honestly, just sounds like they are old friends.
but if you are constantly insecure with him, that must be hell to live with. are you like this with every relationship or is it just b/c of what happened in this particular one? I think i would get bored/exhausted really fast of feeling conflict b/w insecurity about and trusting someone.
I do agree this is your problem, not his, as you say he is a good bf - maybe you are too attached(as in co-dependent) to him? I think you need to work on yourself to get over this. Have you ever tried therapy? Do you have a life of your own that he is not involved in?

Old 03-25-2007, 02:39 AM   #5
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Re: his friend?

you sound alot like me! my bf grew up in a small town and they had only one high school. the college he and i both attend has quite a few students from his high school there. he sometimes chats with some of the girls he knew from high school, as well as the guys, but i find myself being a bit jealous when i see him walking from class with a girl. but its no big deal, as long as he isn't making plans behind your back and keeping her a secret from you or you a secret from her...then don't worry about it too much. i am naturally a jealous person, insecure even, so it has been extremely difficult for me to accept the fact that not every female he talks to is interested in him and he in her! once you realize the same thing about his friend, you will be so much better.

good luck!

Old 03-25-2007, 12:21 PM   #6
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Re: his friend?

Why am I like this? Because I havent gotten over him and that girl last he lied to me about how intimate he was with her, he didnt use protection, how he fancied her when I was with him...Im pretty sure she was the main reason why we broke up. forgive me for being slightly insecure lol.
i just dont know how to get over it. i get very def up myself, more so than him, trust me on that- its not healthy having this feeling that im second best. because, yeah thats smetimes how i feel. he thinks he is not indebted to make me feel like i can trust him. i feel like im on my own.
yeah i have a life which doesnt always involve my bf. im not too dependent on him. i just get upset and insecure from time to time and it doesnt help when he blames me for everything that happens, he doesnt find it easy saying sorry, and he doesnt always make me feel like a beautiful person.

Old 03-25-2007, 12:28 PM   #7
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Re: his friend?

I know you said you felt you were being unresonable, but as far as those messages are concerned, I think you need to take into consideration your bf's personality type when assessing them. I mean, the type of man my bf is, he'd never include xxx's in a msg to anyone he wasnt romantically involved with, so if I saw those I'd be thinkin RRRRREEEEEEDDDDDDD FLAG!

Old 03-25-2007, 03:42 PM   #8
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Re: his friend?

Hes generally an affectionate and fun loving person.
I love him so much, but there is also a lot of hurt inside me which i cant seem to shake off. I want to be the only girl in his life, and because he had started dating that girl when we broke up, i dont feel like the only girl who was in his life since I met him. It hurts. I know he is with me now, but sometimes that doesnt help how i feel. I dont know how to deal with it.....still after so long.

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