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Old 03-23-2007, 05:06 AM   #1
plainjayne
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Unhappy guilty

i have been looking at my boyfriends e mails and i feel so bad, lately i have felt a bit paranoid. there is a photo of a girl and he has also set up a page on ******* and put that he is single. why would he pretend he is single i feel he must be looking to have an internet relationship with someone. we met online and have been together for over a year and he adores my children he has put on his profile that he doesnt want children but he wants them with me i feel so betrayed as i dont know what he is up to. i cant tell him about it because he will then know i have is password and i wont be able to find out if he starts anything with anyone online. he has already had a request to chat from a girl but he hasnt read it yet what shall i do?

 
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Old 03-23-2007, 05:13 AM   #2
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Re: guilty

Read istjj's "Is it my place to tell" on this board. It is awful to catch your SO in a big lie or cheat. I can't help thinking that this level of deceit will ruin your trust big time. Is it worth hanging in there? I don't think anything can be solved if it's not out in the open.

Last edited by Seraph; 03-23-2007 at 05:15 AM.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 05:59 AM   #3
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Re: guilty

Yes, you should read that thread. This is exactly what I'm talking about re these idiots people meet online.

Advice? I know it's hard luv, but you should just kick his arse out the door before you get in any deeper, otherwise you're just going to spend the rest of your relationship with one eye on the computer, and the worst part will be knowing he'll have one eye on it too..

Last edited by Laylah; 03-23-2007 at 06:00 AM.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 06:55 AM   #4
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Angry Re: guilty

I'll tell you why he's putting "single" on his *******! He wants other women to think he's single!! He's playing the classic (and very popular game) of " Let's see who I can fool around with online without my GF finding out"!!!!! Pathetic! After all, you and him met online, so obviously he has no problem doing that with another woman too! I'll keep it short and sweet...."DUMP HIS SORRY A**!!!....

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:42 AM   #5
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Re: guilty

What should you do? I'd say it's pre-emptive strike time. If your bf is putting up that he's single on his webpage, then it's time for you to leave. What that means when a guy does that is that he's not interested in being in a relationship. Regardless of anything he tells you when you are together, the truth is that he's not interested.

That's why it would be better for you to take action first. Have the upper hand! You need to dump him because there is no way you can stay with a guy who doesn't want to be with you. That's really bad for your self-esteem and you may end up feeling completely worthless by the time this is over. Because although he's in a relationship with you, YOU know that he's looking for other women the entire time. That's not going to make you feel good about yourself.

And because it's not going to make you feel good about yourself, that's why you need to put an end to this farce and find someone who will be loyal to you.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 09:00 AM   #6
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Re: guilty

What an idiot, he puts up a profile, when he knows you can see it. You don't have to have his password to browse profiles. Just tell him you were looking around, you stumbled onto is profile, and saw that he classified himself as single. The tell him his fantasy has become reality.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:17 PM   #7
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Re: guilty

k..idk if you read my posts...(the original poster..i forgot what their username is)..anyway idk if you have seen my posts but ive dealt with the same thing. i use to check my exs messages all the time (on the exact same site, that site is dangerous for relationships), and the only thing it brought me was heartache. no only was he sending messages to other females behind my back, that is how i found out he cheated on me. so i dumped him, but took him back a few months later (dont ask me why i dont know what i was thinking) and we just broke up for good a couple days ago because i caught him doing the same thing. sending random girls messages with unacceptable content. my ex never made his status single. but i can say that you can find better. you can find somebody that doesnt need to "see what else they can get". its lame for a guy to be in such a long relationship, yet act that way towards other women. hes obviously not ready to commit. so give him the boot and do yourself a favor...find a guy that respects you. because you deserve it.

i put up with that behavior and all it did was tear me apart!!!! im telling you sweets....its just not worth the pain.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:46 PM   #8
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Re: guilty

That site is good for nothing if you ask me...it has probably caused more problems in people's lives than any other one single site on the web I tell ya! I guess for young people that like to talk and post and share pictures with their friends(I mean actual real life friends) and they keep it to only people they know it's OK. But for someone to just have to site for no other apparent reason...it's just trouble looking for a place to happen.
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Old 03-24-2007, 11:52 PM   #9
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Re: guilty

He doesn't seem to mind being dishonest so if i were you i'd not be too overly concerned about him finding out that you had access to his password and that you checked up on him.

If he begins to make excuses and say it's just a joke i would not believe him. People like this are serial offenders and they don't change. You deserve trust and respect. Stay strong and throw him out, otherwise the distrust will simply eat away at you.

 
Old 03-25-2007, 02:07 AM   #10
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Re: guilty

hi,
i know the feeling! if he is online saying he is single, then i suggest you make his wish come true. whether he is just pretending and has no intention of hooking up with anyone that responds to him, doesn't matter. he is lying to everyone through his profile and lying to you as well.

DUMP HIM!!!!!

it will hurt, but you deserve someone honest.
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:01 AM   #11
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Re: guilty

You say you don't want him to find out you know his password because you won't be able to check up on him anymore. He has already done it. You don't need to wait to see more.

As to him adoring your kids, what matters to kids are adults with character, not feelings. Kids need to know that the adults in their lives will be the ones to act with maturity, dignity, and commitment to them and their best interests. That he adores them is pretty much meaningless to their lives at this point.

 
Old 03-26-2007, 05:55 PM   #12
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Re: guilty

I think of it as this - you must have known something was up if you feel you had to look through his things.

I'd drop him faster than a hot potato before he makes things worse between you and your family.

Last edited by Tamaralynn; 03-26-2007 at 05:56 PM.

 
Old 03-26-2007, 07:26 PM   #13
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Re: guilty

HI there,
I am so sorry for you. Having been in exactly the same position, I can sympathise. I chose to stay with him because i wasn't strong enough to leave.I have to say that what he did has haunted out relationship. I still feel agitated when he is on the internet. I still dont trust him and act in irrational ways when he goes out. I never ever did this before.
Now, it has been four years since I found out what he was doing on the internet. We are still together and obviously there have been some great moments since then, but there has been a price to pay-damaged self-esteem, trust issues, paranoia, jealousy, being treated with less respect than before, sexual issues, bursts of anger which seem to come from nowhere, depression, discontent, rage, insecurity, irrational behaviour, irrational reactions to other women etc. etc. These are all things that almost never happened before I found out about what he was doing.

You should be aware that if you stay with him, which is the easiest option, he may apologize and you may try to forgive him, but the repercussions will last for a long time, and you have to prepare yourself for that. Don't think that you can just forgive him and everything will go back to normal-be prepared for the long-term consequences of his actions.

Best of luck

 
Old 03-26-2007, 07:35 PM   #14
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Re: guilty

DUMP HIM!!!!

Give us an update, what has happened since you posted your original message? Did you dump him yet? You should have done it already! What are you waiting for! He's a no good cheating lying pile of human waste.... who would want to stay with THAT??

He's not even good enough to lick the slime off your shoes after you walked in the mud!

 
Old 03-29-2007, 11:06 AM   #15
plainjayne
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Thumbs up Re: guilty

i tried to join this site and it seems it is mostly for keeping in touch with friends and it automatically comes up that you are single and dont want kids! as for this girl who requested to chat with him her post went into his trashcan and it wasnt even read! i have completely overreacted and feel so silly i now know that he only wants me! he went on a chatroom not long after we met (on a chatroom!)and i think my reaction scared him then i hav enot felt the need to check up on him again and it seems my paranoia has gotten the better of me!! thanks everyone for your support im so sorry i had got it all wrong! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 
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