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  • Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

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    Old 04-26-2007, 10:59 AM   #1
    Guy133
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    Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    I've been married about six months. My wife has gained a few pounds over the past few years, and now just about any time she sees other women (in movies, or TV, or real life) who are dressed skimpy, she gets upset, and this usually means getting mad at me.

    It could happen anywhere. We can be watching an innocent TV show, and if there is a scene with a woman in a bikini, she gets mad and then accuses me of wanting the girl on TV.

    Any ideas of what I can do to help her not feel so intimidated?

     
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    Old 04-26-2007, 11:12 AM   #2
    DitoDupe
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    I don't think there is much you can do then tell her that she is the one that you want to be with and that you love her as she is and think she is perfect. As for her getting upset, she is the only one that can get over that. If it bothers her so much that she is over weight then she needs to get to the gym and do something about it. There is no reason for your wife to get mad at you if you aren't making her insecure by making comments about how hot the other women are and that she is over weight.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 11:12 AM   #3
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    This is a hard one! Women compare themselves to other women a lot and that's pretty tough. I think this a phase that comes and goes, has to do with insecurity, and possibly her new role as a wife. I think every woman feels that way in and out.

    All I can say to you, make her feel wanted and loved. Kiss her and hug her, cuddle her, be romantic, tell her she's beautiful (details please) and smart, how special she is, that you love her, and no one in the world would compare to her, and above all BE PATIENT. This won't last forever. Good luck!

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 11:13 AM   #4
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Yeah, tell her to go on a diet. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but this attitude from some women really annoys me. One overweight women I know wont even let her husband (who just happens to be my oldest friend) speak to me anymore. Why? Cause she cant control her eating habits and wouldnt walk as far as the front gate, and my big crime? I'm 125lbs.

    Tell your wife to get a grip of two things: her jealousy and a pair of dumb-bells. A good hold of both would do wonders for her.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 11:14 AM   #5
    prairie_dawn
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Guy well first things first...
    Is she pregnant?
    Is she normal with her period?
    Has she had an annual check up lately with a thyroid panel?
    Does she have any diseases such as diabetes, thyroid issues or mentrual issues like Endometriosis or PCOS?
    Does she have Hypoglycemia?

    I ask these questions because there must be a reason why she has gained weight? Unless she is just eating a little too much. If that is the reason well then she needs to get off her *** and do what she can to work out. If she is on the couch complaining about other women being pretty but she wont exercise or work out or do anything about a few pounds then she's a dumb bunny. BUT YOU DO NOT TELL HER THAT. you will be presented with the frying pan and let me tell ya dont think she wont.

    Everyone women gets hormonal the sooner you realize this the better. About a week before my period I want my very very long blond hair cut off dh says ok sure babe no problem (smiles and walks away) knowing fully well i always wait three days and say oh my what was i thinking. But he knows me well enough to smile and wlak away becuase he knows I have finally figured out that i get pms and well it's normal. I have 4 kids and youngest in 9months and i still have 15 lbs on me. I am a very sexy women and get very upset that I dont have time to workout to loose the stuff trhat is left. But i am so ok with myself that it doesnt bother me. I know i cant do it because i dont have time but will eventyually make time.

    What i would do is when she tells you this , be supportive BUT do not tell her she is right. EVER!

    Say hun are you feeling ok, have you checked your blood work and make sure there are no problems that might be causes you to feel that you gained weight. Say feel DO NOT SAY she did gain weight.

    Tell her listen would you like to start wokring out together so we can feel better about ourselves.

    Here is the tricky part...you need to tell her that her getting angry with you just because she is hte one who feels she has gained weight bothers you. You did nothing and you shouldnt be in trouble for something you didnt do. Tell her that you are concerned and just want to make sure she has a clean bill of health.

    If you know her well and know she is ok with getting scolded by you and will take it the right way then if she says it again that you are in trouble then gtell her listen I didnt do anything and you need to relax. So what if you gained weight if you want to loose it hten loose I dont care. But dont get upset with me because you feel that you are overweight. Dont get neurotic about your weight, if you feel bad about then do seomthing about it but dont b*tch at me for it.

    That is what I would expect my husband to tellme because he knows I cant stand to hear anyone be a candyass with me.

    You know her and have to figure out how to approach her. But you sholdnt let her get away with it if you are always getting in trouble. thats just not right. yes i do it too once in a whiel but my dh just puts it right out there for me.

    We women express ourselves more then men do please remember to remind her of that when the time is right.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 12:08 PM   #6
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Your wife reminded me some of my relatives and ex-coworkers. Always looking for a scaping goat aroind. Choosing one who is more convenient for them. Unless you actually telling her that you like woman on TV (I had jerk bf who did it) it is her job to handle her feelings. If you let it go, today it will be weight problem, tomorrow work problem and you are the one who is always guilty. Your life will be a living hell.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 12:13 PM   #7
    Laylah
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by galinaqt View Post
    ...it is her job to handle her feelings.
    Exactly.

    Last edited by Laylah; 04-26-2007 at 12:14 PM. Reason: If you're making your point in one word it dosent do to misspell it! lol

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 01:28 PM   #8
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    My sister is like this. She will complain that she is wearing a bigger size than me while she's sitting on her butt eating a greasy cheeseburger and drinking a beer. I have been working hard to lose my baby weight for me. I have been eating a very healthy diet with a lot of fruits and vegies. I will have an occassional beer, but I opt for a glass of wine because it won't give me that bloated feeling. She gets upset with me, but she is doing nothing.

    So I agree, unless she has a medical condition she has nobody to blame but herself if she is unhappy with her apperance. I doubt your sitting there telling her "oh, I wish you looked like ____________ (insert name) in that bathing suit, she's hot!!!!!!!!". Sometimes we women do get a little crazy about our weight and apprerance, but you are not responsible for making her feel good about herself. If she's unhappy there are a number of things she can do.

    I think the direct approach is a good thing. The next time something like this happens find a delicate way to tell her like it is. If you do it the right way you may be able to avoid the frying pan, LOL. She may get upset at first, but she'll get over it. I like when my husband tells me like it is. Sometimes I get a little upset but I get over it because I know he is just being honest and trying help me out.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 03:48 PM   #9
    Laylah
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    Another problem, is she gets upset at the gym because of the girls there who are in good shape, wearing workout clothes. (My wife is 35.)
    LOL, it seems like your wife is her own worst enemy here. How does she think those women who are in good shape at the gym got that way??

    20lbs really isnt a monumental amount of extra weight to be carrying around. Most women (including myself) have had that kind of extra weight to deal with after a baby, and I lost my weight in no time. I went hillwalking and it just slid off. I didnt diet to any extreme degree, just cut out chips, ice-cream, the usual suspects.

    I dont know how you put up with it to be honest. If I were you I'd be at the end of my rope here. It's one thing to listen to somebody moan, but to listen to somebody moan who's refusing to do anything to deal with the situation is another thing all together. You should tell her to $h*t or get off the pot.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 05:53 PM   #10
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    My husband got me "step" fitness equipment. It is not because I care who is in the gym, but I have to be with my daughter in the evenings. May be this is a solution.
    Is "weight" the only problem she blames you? Are guily in everything what is wrong in her life?
    Hate to say it, but you have to be more firm with her. I was guilty to my mother even for what my grandma told her before I was born. Only when I became middle age and live separately, I've learned how to resist and believe me "I am much less guilty than I used to be".

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 07:26 PM   #11
    Guy133
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    I dont know how you put up with it to be honest. If I were you I'd be at the end of my rope here. It's one thing to listen to somebody moan, but to listen to somebody moan who's refusing to do anything to deal with the situation is another thing all together. You should tell her to $h*t or get off the pot.
    It's very hard. When it happens I am usually speechless, and then she gets mad asking me to say something. I want to just disappear.

     
    Old 04-26-2007, 07:27 PM   #12
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by galinaqt View Post
    Is "weight" the only problem she blames you? Are guily in everything what is wrong in her life?
    She's not totally blaming me for the weight, but she just gets very upset and it FEELS like I'm being blamed. Sometimes other things bother her and she gets upset and it makes me FEEL like I've done something wrong.

    Usually after a few minutes I can convince her that whatever the problem is, I didn't cause it, and that I'm on her side.

     
    Old 04-27-2007, 07:21 AM   #13
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    do you have a Curves in your area? thats a workout place just for women. and most women that go there are a little on the heavy side. i use to go with some co-workers last year. its a lot better then the gym. doesn't have the "meat market" feel to it.

    you can't do anything about her problem. you can only be there to support her if she wants to do something about it. next time you are in this situation or you see it coming..make a comment before she has a chance to say anything. say something negative about the girl. doesn't have to be anything major. just negative.
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    Old 04-27-2007, 08:09 AM   #14
    Laylah
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
    next time you are in this situation or you see it coming..make a comment before she has a chance to say anything. say something negative about the girl. doesn't have to be anything major. just negative.
    That'd probably shut the wife up Tarheel, but it wouldnt do anything to address the deeper issue. I mean, is he supposed to pass negative comments he dosent even mean about women he dosent even know indefinately, just to appease his wife's insecurities??

    No, I think the way to go here OP is, as I said, tell her 20lbs is not the issue she's making it out to be, and that if it's bothering her that much it wont take long to get rid of. I'd also tell her that you arent prepared to be on the blunt end of her tongue anymore. Tell her she's damaging your relationship. Maybe that'll make her sit up and take notice of what she's doing here.

    There's a bullying element to her behaviour OP, and if you were a woman coming on here with the same issue we'd all be advising the woman to rectify the situation or leave. Think on that.

     
    Old 04-27-2007, 08:42 AM   #15
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    That'd probably shut the wife up Tarheel, but it wouldnt do anything to address the deeper issue. I mean, is he supposed to pass negative comments he dosent even mean about women he dosent even know indefinately, just to appease his wife's insecurities??

    No, I think the way to go here OP is, as I said, tell her 20lbs is not the issue she's making it out to be, and that if it's bothering her that much it wont take long to get rid of. I'd also tell her that you arent prepared to be on the blunt end of her tongue anymore. Tell her she's damaging your relationship. Maybe that'll make her sit up and take notice of what she's doing here.

    There's a bullying element to her behaviour OP, and if you were a woman coming on here with the same issue we'd all be advising the woman to rectify the situation or leave. Think on that.
    I am totally agree. She is abusive towards you. If you keep taking it, she will make your life miserable. You can help her if she wants to go to gym and so on, but it is not your fault or responsobility.

     
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