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Relationship Confusion!

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Old 05-21-2007, 07:20 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 7
bunny1210 HB User
Unhappy Relationship Confusion!

I am in the midst of a very confusing time in my life in regards to two relationships that I have. The first is with my boyfriend of 3 years - we share a home together. Our relationship/intimacy has deteriated over the past year - sex not good or frequent enough, both of us working hard and too much, and other issues that we both agree result from the large age difference we have. (he is 10 years younger than me.) A couple of months ago I went on an overseas trip with my boss- it was amazing. We had a great time and learned alot about each other through long conversations and just spending alot of time together. Well, I had had some feelings for him that developed last summer - these became more intense on this trip and I told him so, one evening. He is married, but his wife separated from him over a year ago. She does not live with him and according to him, they haven't had sex even longer than a year (she won't). When I told him how I felt, he said that he liked me alot, loved working with me - but that he considers himself married and also does not want to hurt our pro. relationship. We carried on throughout the trip, continuing to enjoy it. I knew things had changed for me, and my boyfriend could tell upon my return that my feelings had changed for him as well. This is where it gets messy.
My boss and I continued to spend alot of time together at work - with subtle changes occurring - him asking me to sit close next to him to work on projects. Late nights working, and drinking wine. Lots of time spent doing such. He invited me out with friends to a bar one night and we drank quite a bit. At one point in the evening we left together and in the cab he kissed me, and kissed me. We "made-out" all night, with no sex - but close to it, and I woke up next to him. It was weird (huge boundary shift!) but exciting. I was freaked out because I did not come home to my home - and my boyfriend was terribly worried. I told him I was at a friend's house and felt horrible for the lie. My boss came into work that day and as he left he kissed me, again. It felt wrong at work - we talked about it and agreed that it was not appropriate, and that I was in confusion over my present relationship. Long story short- we spend the next few weeks
hanging out, talking, cooking - kissing sometimes and I end up in his bed one more time. Again, no sex. He tells me that he is going to give his wife an ultimatum to decide on their relationwhip - he does not use us as a reason, but says that I am an unexpected factor in "all of this". His wife returns from a trip, and I am instantly "shut-out". He ignores me at a social function with mutual friends (she was not there). and then when I call him we talk until the wee hours of the morning on the phone with him telling me he was afraid in front of their friends, and again how much I mean to him. He gave his wife the ultimatum, she got angry and did not "bite" - but they are still haveing their once a week dinner and talking on phone....weird!! Now I am regretting not having had sex with him - me and my boyfriend have separated- and I am HORNY as HECK for this man! We meet out one more time, and I try to kiss him on the way home - he says no, that he is married - even though his wife does NOT want to move back in and they are not and have not had sex in a year and a half! I get angry and storm off. Obviously this is affecting my work, we meet and agree to just be pro about everything - I happen to love my job, and I am sick of this game. It is still difficult seeing him as I really just want to have sex with him, and I miss our close friendship....but he acts kinda scared of me. I know that I have the power in this - but am confused. Any advice???

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Old 05-22-2007, 05:01 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Warminster Pa
Posts: 371
mixtinn HB User
Re: Relationship Confusion!

Stay away from him.. He has no intentions of leaving his wife.. Its obvious that he still has feeling for her and wants to stay married.. If I were you.. Back off for a while.. Tell him.. Iam not waiting around for you, I can't be with you.. If you ever decide to leave your wife. Call me.. If I am available thats great.. If not.. I am sorry.. If you don't mind me asking.. How old are you.. I wish you the best

Old 05-22-2007, 08:15 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Private
Posts: 98
BlissfulGjinuba HB User
Re: Relationship Confusion!

[QUOTE=bunny1210;2997263]Obviously this is affecting my work, we meet and agree to just be pro about everything QUOTE]

Um, wow bunny. I say this with the utmost care, because i want the best for what point was getting involved romantically with your superior the professional move to make? I think you are deluding yourself. Why did you begin to play this game in the first place? I know, I know, because it was exciting, new, enticing, and you think you might have a special connection with this man. ALL OF THAT ASIDE, don't label it as professional, because maintaining professional status required you NOT to allow this behavior at all.

He has a wife, bunny. A WIFE. At some point in his life he made a choice to be committed to her, for better or worse, sickness and in health. Sex doesn't make you married. You are committed to your marriage partner even when there is no sex. Don't be his mistake.

Old 05-22-2007, 08:22 PM   #4
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 38
blondeone HB User
Re: Relationship Confusion!

Marriage is a joke in this country today. I don't think marriage really exists anymore. I for one am very disillusioned and never plan on getting married again.

Old 05-23-2007, 12:45 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 7
bunny1210 HB User
Re: Relationship Confusion!

Hello Everyone,

As far as me not keeping my professional "stance" - this is man who I spend about 11-12 hours a day with, yes professionally, but professionally in a very small company (4 total employees) and extremely close. Things shifted when we traveled together. I was in an unhappy relationship, and his wife moved out of their home about 20 months ago.

One of you stated that sex does not make the marriage. So, what do you say to a wife moving out of her home and moving back in with her parents for the past 20 months? It really has nothing to do with sex, but intimacy, and an agreement. But, ya know - it also has to do with sex!!! Because when you are married, or in a monogamous relationship, that is really the one thing that you have that you do not share with another human being - because you have made a promise. If one of you breaks that - and I mean breaking it by moving out of the home you own with your mate and moving back in with your mommmy and daddy - are you keeping your end of the vows...or should the other put up with that???

Everyone thinks that marriage puts things into a nice, neat box. I disagree!!


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