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  • Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

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    Old 06-13-2007, 07:29 PM   #61
    Iwant2quit
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    Exclamation Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by nkfrisk View Post
    I seem to get into these arguments with my girlfriend over ridiculous things. We were having a nice lunch at a restaurant and I bought a jar of home-made pasta sauce on the way out. I was holding my computer bag, gym stuff and an umbrella so I asked if she could hold the jar for me, since she only had her handbag. She wanted to go back in the restaurant for a plastic bag, but I said we didn't need the bag just for 1 jar. She kept complaining and started lagging behind me in proteest as we walked a couple blocks. I got irritated, snatched the jar back and said that I'd hold everything myself since it was too much to ask of her. For the rest of the day, she had a sulking, antisocial attitude towards me.

    I was driving her home at night and said sarcastically that I really enjoyed the silent treatment all day. She said that my tone towards her was rude and I replied that her behavior was much ruder than my tone. She started crying, which she often does. I said that she should discuss what's on her mind instead of behaving this way. But she cried even harder (i would call it weeping) and I grew more irritated. I told her it was indecent to cry over a petty argument, as if some close relative had died. I don't know if crying is a tactic to seek comfort, but it just seems to spawn the opposite reaction in me. She was just so morose that finally I told her if she really thinks I treat her so poorly that she has to react this way, we should just end it now for her own sake. I don't want to be with someone who appears so unhappy with me.

    Next, she went completely hysterical. She was sobbing and I was very irritated and tried to ignore her. But then she started screaming, pulling her hair and pounding her head and said that she didn't want to live. I screamed back that I was driving and that she was going to cause an accident. Finally, I had to pull over to restrain her. She seemed to have completely lost it and was sobbing uncontrollably. I've never seen someone break down like that. We just sat there for half an hour until she was calmer. Then she became very tender, held my arm and said that she loved me. Eventually, I took her home, told her to get some rest and said we'd talk tomorrow.

    We've been together for a year, but now I'm starting to think that our personalities are mismatched. I just find sulking and gratuitous crying so unattractive in a woman and would like to be with someone who handles things more maturely. But now I really have to worrry about her emotional stability, given what happened last night. What should I do now?
    My first question would be "Why are you having a nice lunch together at a restraunt and you have your Computer bag & gym bag with you?"
    Maybe she feels you care more about these items rather than her and she doesn't feel like she has a right to say anything because you don't live together and that is driving her a little batty. Just a thought. I love the computer and ex hated it. Biggest argument we had. I would never think to take it on a date to a restraunt.

     
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    Old 06-13-2007, 09:09 PM   #62
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    I think you should just move on. If you guys are incompatible then things will never work out. Why force yourself to be with someone who doesn't feel the same about things as you do??
    This is only going to hurt you in the long run. You are better off trying to find your perfect match. Everyone gets dumped once or twice. She will survive. She does sound like a nut job though lol. Her tamper tantrums are very immature and it does sound like she was brought up VERY spoiled....possibly didn't have any brothers or sisters. Sounds like she use to throw fits and then mommy and daddy gave her what she wanted.

    Time to pack your bags and settle with someone else. Someone whose a little more head strong, stable and doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve.

    I personally don't think there was a big deal with him having his computer or gym bag with him as long as he wasn't playing on the thing while they were eating or messing around in the gym bag. If that would cause someone to be upset then they ARE immature.
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    Last edited by TANKG!RL; 06-13-2007 at 09:09 PM.

     
    Old 06-13-2007, 11:28 PM   #63
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by nkfrisk View Post
    She said it was a sign of how little I cared about her and she now realized that "this is the type of person" I am. Another alleged sign of how little I care about her is that I always walk ahead of her in public. I couldn't believe how idiotic this was. I am 6'6, she is 5'4 and always walks at a snail's pace in high-heeled shoes. I cannot possibly move any slower than I already do. At this point, i remarked that she had spoiled another evening and wondered why she had come over if she was so mad at me.
    Okay, if my SO always walked infront of me in public because I wore high heels and what he thought was at a snails pace, I would be SO insulted!!! You definately seem like a nice guy, dont get me wrong, but you definately are very arrogant... its almost as if your way is always the right way and everyone else is a fool. You should appreciate that your woman goes thru the torture, and yes it is tortue, to wear high heels when she is out with you because she is trying to look nice for you... dont insult her by telling her she walks at a snails pace and then walk infront of her because you cannot tolerate to walk so slow. Believe it or not, these little things eat up women bit by bit and it eventually drives them batty, esp if they have no other friends or family as you stated earlier your gf does not. You guys are bottom line INCOMPATIBLE... I hope you learn from this, even if you do find a strong woman, you do have faults that need addressing and its best if you acknowledge them and try to work on fixing them. Your GF has problems too but its not all her fault as I believe you are trying to persuade the audience here to believe.

     
    Old 06-13-2007, 11:39 PM   #64
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    I really find it sad that everyone is being rude to the poster! The issue isn't whether he walks ahead of his girlfriend or whether he brings his friggin computer to a restaurant or the fact that she didn't need a bag for one measly item. The fact that SHE friggin flipped out IS THE ISSUE!
    She acted like a complete idiot. Very immature and very inconsiderate of her bf. She SHOULD have offered to carry something without him even asking.... it's called common courtesy!!! I usually walk behind my boyfriend because I have knee problems and walk slower and he, by nature, walks faster then I do. He usually tries to slow down and keep up with me but sometimes it's uncontrollable. Most of the time we walk hand in hand...unless we are in a rush.

    First off for one easily carryable item like a jar of spaghetti sauce she should NOT have needed a bag. That's just being lazy and wasteful.

    Second flipping out in the car to the point she was pulling out her hair and smacking her head off of the window and distracting the driver FROM driving!! Again immature and ridiculous. I would have pulled over and kicked her out of the car and told her if she continues to act like a 6 year old she can walk home. She COULD have cause him to get into a car accident and HURT others.

    Third He told her he was having an important dinner and she WAS invited. IT WAS her choice to not go so she had NO right to complain about him doing it.

    Fourth AGAIN she flipped out.....

    See a pattern here?? She needs to grow up!!!

    You two are beyond compatible. She needs to seek some serious help and learn to not act like a 5 year old who can't get a new toy.

    A mature WOMAN would never act like this ESPECIALLY in public! and if she does....then she isn't a woman and she needs to be checked into a mental hospital. Flipping out NEVER resolves any issues.
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    Last edited by TANKG!RL; 06-13-2007 at 11:43 PM.

     
    Old 06-14-2007, 05:39 AM   #65
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TANKG!RL View Post
    I really find it sad that everyone is being rude to the poster! The issue isn't whether he walks ahead of his girlfriend or whether he brings his friggin computer to a restaurant or the fact that she didn't need a bag for one measly item. The fact that SHE friggin flipped out IS THE ISSUE!
    Right...if my husband did any of the things that you got in a fight over, I can't say that I wouldn't be ticked off too but good god...I wouldn't go crazy and start hitting myself! That's nuts...she's NUTS!

     
    Old 06-14-2007, 10:49 AM   #66
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TANKG!RL View Post
    I usually walk behind my boyfriend because I have knee problems and walk slower and he, by nature, walks faster then I do. He usually tries to slow down and keep up with me but sometimes it's uncontrollable. Most of the time we walk hand in hand...unless we are in a rush.
    Okay, I dont understand, it seems you are contradicting yourself.... in the first part you stated that you usually walk behind your husband in public because of your bad knee and then you go on to state that most of the times you walk hand in hand???

    I am just trying to get the reader to realize that these things really can upset and make women feel as though their SO does not respect, care for them even if that is not the case. He stated that he ALWAYS walks ahead of his gf, or he did not correct that statement made by the gf when he stated it here which leads me to believe that he indeed for the most part makes it a habit of walking infront of her in public. I dont know, but I really would find it soooo incredibly hurtful if my husband were doing that, granted, every now and then he does do it, when I poop out or something, but on a regular basis, is really uncalled for. I cant believe any woman would find such behavior appropriate.

    Last edited by soulster; 06-14-2007 at 10:51 AM.

     
    Old 06-14-2007, 12:07 PM   #67
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    what I meant (sorry if it wasn't clear enough) is that majority of the time he walks a step in head of me. Sometimes we walk hand in hand like in the parking lot or if we are going for walks or in the mall. During grocery shopping I kinda lag behind. We try to get out of there as fast as possible so I fall behind lol. I hope that's a little easier to understand. I don't see why something so insignificant would cause someone to flip out though?? SHE is the one with the issues. NOT him. If it bothered her she should have been adult and said something.
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    Old 06-14-2007, 12:22 PM   #68
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    Re: Huge argument--is my girlfriend unstable?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TANKG!RL View Post
    what I meant (sorry if it wasn't clear enough) is that majority of the time he walks a step in head of me. Sometimes we walk hand in hand like in the parking lot or if we are going for walks or in the mall. During grocery shopping I kinda lag behind. We try to get out of there as fast as possible so I fall behind lol. I hope that's a little easier to understand. I don't see why something so insignificant would cause someone to flip out though?? SHE is the one with the issues. NOT him. If it bothered her she should have been adult and said something.
    For what it's worth, it does sound to me like they both definitely had issues. Of course her issues were more significant, noticable and more urgent, for sure. But even if his only issue is selecting a woman like her to begin with (he said he was with her for a whole year) I think both of them have lessons to learn from this experience. I mean, I do think you have to look out for the little things, because even the little things that seem to be so silly and insignificant can build up. In China, women walk 6 paces behind the men because women are considered lesser persons (which is why so many Chinese girl babies are being adopted, with the one child per family rule that used to be in play there, a girl isn't considered worth anything, and if they only get one child, they want to be a boy, so the girl babies get adopted out, or killed) Just imagine you're walking with your boyfriend or husband or even a friend or sibling and they walk ahead of you so that you can't look at them, can't talk to them as you walk, etc. Let's face it, it's rude. And that, together with other tiny little insignificant but slightly rude things can build up and up and up until resentment and anger can set in. No doubt, this poor girl has serious issues to work out and I do hope she gets help, because it does sound like she needs professional help, and comes out of this stronger, more mature and wiser, but I do also hope this is a bit of an eye opener to the op as well. Next time, i think he just needs to keep his eye on the little things and pick a girl who either walks at the same pace as he does, or doesn't mind walking behind him all the time, or a woman he finds so lovable and enthralling that he doesn't mind slowing down his pace to walk with her.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 06-14-2007 at 12:29 PM.

     
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