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  • Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

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    Old 06-07-2007, 03:12 PM   #1
    MissMae
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    Unhappy Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    A little while back I posted a question and asked if couples counseling worked because me my husband havnít been really intimate for some time. I found out 2 weeks ago the day before we were suppose to start couples counseling that my has been having an affair for almost a year. I canít even comprehend this! I am now 7 months pregnant with his child and I am going to be a single mom and I am scared to death!! We tried for so long to have this baby but he claims at first when I found out that he was cheating that all the trying pushed him away because that was all I cared about was having a baby. He then came back and said how terribly sorry he is and it isnít my fault and he shouldnít have blamed me for it and how could he throw away everything he loved and wanted. I made him move all his stuff out and now I am in a house alone I didnít want in the first place.

    He is going to go to counseling to see how he got to that point and how it all went wrong. He claims that he was perfect for 7 years not even had the thought to cheat and he said something happened. I am in so much shock because I wouldíve never in a million years thought that he would do something like that, EVER! The thing I also donít understand is the girl he has been cheating on me with is only 19 and he is 28!!

    This is my first child and I donít know what to expect and now having to do it alone scares me beyond belief. The thing that makes me mad and makes me feel so weak is that I still love him, he has been my best friend for 8 years. I want to hate him but I canít do it. I wanted to burn his stuff but I couldnít bring my self to destroy any of it. I always told myself if I was put in a situation like this I would burn his stuff and hate him for life well now that I am in it I donít know what I want or need to do.

    It doesnít help that I am 7 month pregnant and I have all these hormones running through me. I feel cheated out of my future. We had all these plans on how we were going to raise our daughter and now my life plans has changed. He wants to go to counseling and get a lot of help and then talk about working it out and I love him but how could I ever trust him again?? I am seeing a counselor myself for my own trust issues. And IF it ever worked out we would have to see a couples counselor too. I donít know what I want. I love him and I would love for us to be family like we had planned but I donít know, Does it ever work out again after infidelity?

     
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    Old 06-07-2007, 03:33 PM   #2
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    Quote:
    Does it ever work out again after infidelity?
    People do it every day! Does he want you back because he really does love you and wants to be a father or did it not work out with the 19 year old? I think that's the main thing I'd want to know.

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 03:48 PM   #3
    happymom28
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MissMae View Post
    Does it ever work out again after infidelity?
    It is possible, but you both have to want it to work.

    Did he confess to cheating or did you find out? Why does he want it to work with you? Does he realize what a life like you will be like for years to come if you decide to take him back?

    Counselling is a great first step for the both of you. Even if in the end it doesn't work out for you it is very important for you to both get to the root of why he cheated.

    I'm so sorry that what should be one of the happiest times in you life has resulted in such turmoil. Surround yourself with your friends and family and draw your strength from them. Being a single mom (if that is the path you choose) is not as scary as it seems. Millions of women do it every day, myself included a few years ago. You will get through this and you will come out a much stronger woman and someone your daughter will be proud of. Take care of yourself and your baby first.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck to you with whatever you decide. I know it's not an easy decision.

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 03:50 PM   #4
    dammie
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    First of all, it was hard to read your post because i could actually feel how upset you were. I am very very sorry to hear about your situation and i'm sending you nothing but good thoughts. That being said, only YOU know what's right for YOU. People will try to tell you all sorts of things. You'll know if you search inside. Do you think that if you gave the marriage a try you could ever trust him again? Maybe you can. Only you know that. I know it feels like you've driven one million miles down a dead end road and you didn't know it was a dead end, but you have options- drive back to where you came from, take a different exit and see if takes you somewhere else, or keep driving until you get somewhere. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

    Last edited by dammie; 06-07-2007 at 03:51 PM.

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 06:06 PM   #5
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    This is very difficult for you, and couldn't have come at a worse time. I feel for you, and what you are going through. As to your question, the answer is yes, quite a lot of people work through infidelity and restore their relationships. Having said that, a lot depends on the feelings of both of the partners. He sounds as if he is truly repentant, and you obviously still have feelings for him. My advice to you is that whatever you do, sit down and talk and then talk some more. Listen and talk with an open mind, be honest about your feelings, don't try to spare him. Talking is very necessary whichever way you move on from this, either for closure, or for starting out again with as little baggage as possible. Good wishes, Sera

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 06:20 PM   #6
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    I am really sorry for your present situation and I hope you will soon find some emotional support somewhere so you can move on.

    You say you are in a house alone. I don't think this is a good idea for a pregnant woman. Couldn't someone (a sister, a close friend, a relative) come over to stay with you until the baby is born?

    I think your husband is rather immature and apparently insensitive, but I feel he means well. It is a shame that he cheated on you, and even more so because you are expecting his child. But maybe, yes maybe you are being too hard on him. Maybe the stress of your pregnancy...

    I hope he isn't into drinking or drugs and is able to keep a good job. Maybe if he is able to grow (up) with the help of counselling and some "tough" experiences he may become a better man and companion. I suppose he has a lot of issues himself.

    If you can be patient and wait some time until he can work out in his therapy, I think you should give your marriage a second chance.

    I wish you the best at the birth of your child and hope your husband (and her father) can also "fall in love" with the baby. This could be the beginning of his change.

    Last edited by pendulum; 06-07-2007 at 06:22 PM.

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 06:23 PM   #7
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    ALthough I would have to ask if he got caught then said he was sorry or if he told you. I would have to agree with sereph so i wont spare you the long post again just to mimick what she said. Her words are what I would say, i will add though my own story. I will say that this is not the same situation as yours at all BUT you might want to hear it.

    Long story short, i wasnt raised well and I have trust issues. Men were things to me and I had no respect for myself. I met someone when i was 17 and he was with someone else and he was 25 at the time. I was told by stepfather never to see him again and i didnt. i married someone at 19 had a baby at 21 and we didnt get along and I left when baby was 7months. (we are friends now though) When baby was 14months old i dated again the guy i was told not too back when i was 17. When i dated him i was with someone else and had cheated on him because well i didnt think the relationship just like the rest would go anywhere. Well I was lieing and would lie about everything and i finally after a year and half I called him and he was in such a good mood and i still new i had to tell him and i did and he said ok and we hung up I had no idea what would happen but when i got home he was there (he lived an hour away) and wow we had a fight and it got bad with yelling and I still lied even after that and well everytime i did i asked god to forgive me and show me the way. The guy was just like i dont need you and this crap but yet he still opened up his door to me and said he saw something in me i didnt see. He taught me to respect myself and said that I never had unconditional love and that he would give that. Inever beleived that but he was right. When i thought i would loose him i realized that i had actually fallen in love with him and he forgave me again and again and I finally felt strong enough to be honest with him and we are together after 11 years and we have 4 kids(my 1 and our 3) and well we are happy.

    Yes i would have to say couples do work out as long as both want it. I hate hate hate to say this BUT maybe your husband needs the reality check. It is so hard once you start cheating with someone to stop, i did this wiht my first husband and man it was hard. I thought he was cheating on me and i knew it fcor sure but he said no no no...I said ok and decided to do it to him and well it was hard to stop....I do hope if your husband has really realized his stupidity that you forgive him and learn to trust him again. We are human and make mistakes and as long as he is remorsefull well I would go with your gut...NOT Your heart but your gut. If your gut says to give him a chance because you still love him then I would have to say try it. good luck

     
    Old 06-07-2007, 07:08 PM   #8
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dammie View Post
    I know it feels like you've driven one million miles down a dead end road and you didn't know it was a dead end, but you have options- drive back to where you came from, take a different exit and see if takes you somewhere else, or keep driving until you get somewhere
    I have to say that I really like that quote! it makes a lot of sense. I shall remember that one.

     
    Old 06-08-2007, 07:15 AM   #9
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    does it ever work out?
    In my opinion, only if your willing to settle......
    only if you think you don't deserve any better.....
    why would you want to settle for someone who would do that to you?
    I sure wouldn't, I'd rather be alone.

     
    Old 06-08-2007, 07:56 AM   #10
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    Had it been a one time fling where he made a mistake, it might have helped a bit, and made it worth to try it again after your healing process and time.

    but, a one year affair, I can't even imagine that. A mistake that lasts for a year? What were you for the whole year, the second choice?

    How would you feel if you ever be in the same situation again? compromising has a higher price for you.

     
    Old 06-08-2007, 08:05 AM   #11
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    One of the strongest couples I know is one that continued after not one, but two infidelities. They were both very young and it was over ten years ago when the cheating occurred, and it was the woman who cheated. They worked it out and are very loving and respectful to each other to this day.

    I think infidelity can be overcome, but that depends on whether the person who was cheated on can resist the urge to bring it up in any or every argument that follows through the years. I also think it's important to take a break from things for a short time so that you are sure that you want to continue the relationship at all. It's hard to see when you're still immersed in it.

    Good luck to you. Just focus on the baby and seeing yourself through this pregnancy.

     
    Old 06-08-2007, 04:10 PM   #12
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    Re: Husband cheated on me & I'm 7 months pregnant

    I'm incredibly sorry this happened to you! You will make it through this.

    I was cheated on in my last long term relationship (I haven't been married, so this obviously isn't as intense as your situation) and lied to, the usual I guess when it comes to "those" guys. Anyway, my ex wanted to get back together and mentally I said NO, he doesn't deserve me, but I still loved him...I mean, past experiences were amazing, those things can't be changed. Long story short, we tried working everything out, but the truth is that I still can't trust him. If he doesn't answer his calls or I don't hear from him for a while, my mind wanders...where is he? what is he doing? who is he with?... complete paranoia, it wasn't worth it. Plus, I felt like I gave him the impression that cheating on me was okay, when in truth it hurt so badly. I didn't like that I was taking him back so easily, it made me feel worthless, and hate to say it, but I wanted him to hurt too.

    Your situation involves a child though, so that complicates things a little more. In my opinion, he doesn't deserve you; find someone who will adore you and what the two of you share together. Good luck.

     
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