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    Old 06-29-2007, 09:58 AM   #1
    leilani3202
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    guys behavior...confused!!

    Ok, I know guys think with the wrong head and are sexual animals and like to look and flirt. so how far do guys take it when they are in a relationship? my bf has a friend whos a girl. their personalities get along and they like to joke with eachother. he says not attracted to her, thinks shes fat, and would never date her. is that joking like flirting? would a guy take that to the next level or is it just harmless? then last night my bf, our roomie(a guy), and i were talking. my bf was telling us he got c*ck blocked yesterday at work when he was talking to the new girl(who he has previously said is pretty good looking). a fellow co-worker came in and started asking him how his girlfriend(me) was doing and how his son is, etc. well this upset my bf that he was c*ck blocked. i was like, why were you hitting on her or something, you have a girlfriend, why should it matter? he said no matter what guys arent supposed to do that to eachother...is this true? i really dont see why it would matter that he was blocked unless he was trying to persue her?! i dont know, i dont understand guys and their behavior. also, i know guys like to look at naked girls, so when he has a porn magazine in the bathroom(which i happend to find last night without him knowing) does that mean anything against me? im insecure with my body and feel that hes looking at those because those girls have what i dont have...

     
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    Old 06-29-2007, 10:27 AM   #2
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    I think what you are asking really all varies depending on the guy involved. There are some men out there who can have "harmless" female friends and you can be very secure in the fact that it will never go to the next level. Then you have the ones who pursue these friendships as a means to have progress to something more. It's very hard to generalize all guys into one category.

    My husband has a female friend he is close with. They talk and they enjoy his company but he doesn't "flirt" with her. I think there is a difference. There may be a fine line between the two, but there is a difference. Your boyfriend shouldn't be flirting with her 1) because she is a "friend" and 2)because it is disrespectful to you and your relationship. How do you feel about it?

    If I were you it would bother me that he was worried about another coworker mentioning you and his child in front of an attractive female. Why should that be a big deal? I mean, my husband is around women all the time with his job and they all know about me and our girls. What is he trying to hide? It just seems ridiculous to me that if he is in a relationship that he should care about what she thinks.

    With the magazine as well, it all depends on how you feel. If you are bothered by finding it then it is a problem that you should address with him. I know that my husband will look at porn on occassion, and most of the time it is with me. But I am okay with it and he doesn't hide it from me. He doesn't have a stash in the bathroom. The fact that he is hiding from you isn't a good thing. He should be able to be honest with you.

    I think that you need to figure out how you feel about all of this and talk to him about it. If something bothers you then it should be dealt with. If you don't see eye to eye about some of these things then you may want to rethink your relationship. You should be with someone who has the same morals and values as you and not have to compromise your's to be with them.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 10:39 AM   #3
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    your BF is disrespectful towards you and IMO he's looking for the BBD (bigger, better, deal).....why else would he be worried about being "blocked" ?
    also he sounds immature....that's gameplaying stuff that high school kids do.....
    also have you seen the girl who he says is "unattractive and fat"? I'm guessing she's neither.....that's what guys tell their girlfriends so they don't worry
    I'd dump his butt and not look back
    he's disrespecting you and if you continue to let him, you're disrespecting yourself.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 10:40 AM   #4
    leilani3202
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    he had brought up porn the other night. apparently some guy at work handed down some porn to him and he asked me if i wanted to watch it with him. so he didnt hide that. the magazines did look dusty(they are on top of a cabinet). so i dont know when the last he looked at it was or how often he looks at it.
    when it was first brought up that he has an attractive new co worker he mentioned that she went to my school and graduated around the same time as me. he was all, i should ask if she knows you. ok, well apparently he didnt. i dont know how to bring that it bothered me that he was upset up being blocked without looking insecure and being a nagging gf. im already giving him enough grief about his lady friend and i dont want to excalate things, but i do feel this should be addressed. when i tried to talk about it in that moment he was just like, it doesnt matter the circumstances, guys dont do that eachother. thats all he could say and all he wanted to argue about. so how do i bring it up and discuss it in a calm manner and not let things get heated between us and cause problems?
    hes been in long relationships before, i dont think hes ever had a short one. i dont think he would ever cheat on me as i dont believe he has ever cheated in the past. but i am very insecure so of course i still worry.

    Last edited by leilani3202; 06-29-2007 at 10:42 AM. Reason: wanted to add...

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 10:41 AM   #5
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by leilani3202 View Post
    he had brought up porn the other night. apparently some guy at work handed down some porn to him and he asked me if i wanted to watch it with him. so he didnt hide that. the magazines did look dusty(they are on top of a cabinet). so i dont know when the last he looked at it was or how often he looks at it.
    when it was first brought up that he has an attractive new co worker he mentioned that she went to my school and graduated around the same time as me. he was all, i should ask if she knows you. ok, well apparently he didnt. i dont know how to bring that it bothered me that he was upset up being blocked without looking insecure and being a nagging gf. im already giving him enough grief about his lady friend and i dont want to excalate things, but i do feel this should be addressed. when i tried to talk about it in that moment he was just like, it doesnt matter the circumstances, guys dont do that eachother. thats all he could say and all he wanted to argue about. so how do i bring it up and discuss it in a calm manner and not let things get heated between us and cause problems?
    what's there to bring up? he doesn't respect you, are you going to try to talk him into respecting you? get rid of him!

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 10:43 AM   #6
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    i did meet his lady friend and she is bigger, not obese, but has some extra lbs on her. i wouldnt say shes hot, not someone i would turn my head for if i was a guy, but shes not ugly.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 11:03 AM   #7
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    I think if there is something bothering you then you need to let him know, otherwise it will stay pent up and later end up coming out all at once which will be bad! Just mention it casually. Let him know you were pretty hurt by the whole co-worker thing and ask how he would feel if you were to do something like that to him. Do not mention things like is she is prettier than me etc becuase one he will lie most likely if she is, and if he is honest and thinks she is, do you really wanna know that? I think in terms if insecurity just know that no, chances are we are not the most beautiful women in the world-- that is all up to the eye of the beholder. What is gorgeous to you or I may be hideous to someone else. Bottom line is you need to let him know there are things that he does that hurt you- let him know you don't want to fight over it but that you would really appreciate it if he didn't do things like that anymore. If he acts like a jerk about it maybe you need to consider other options (i know this is hard cause you have a child together) but make sure you take care of yourself and don't let him disrespect you or hurt you!

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 11:16 AM   #8
    leilani3202
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    first of all to clear things up, its not my child, just his.
    second, is it possible hes getting bored with our relationship? we see eachother everday and do almost everything together. is he bored with that? does he need other women to entertain him because him and i may have fallen into a routene? we come home from work and dont do much at night. he works 10-11 hour days and is usually tired when he gets home and likes to chill at home. i dont get it...

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 11:33 AM   #9
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    I cannot answer that for you- I wish I could though to help make you feel better! It is possible though, I mean you yourself may even be a little bored too ya know. It happens. I think all realtionships can be rountine and boring at times but it's in those times where you have to make it fun again- go out and do something you have never done together. Something you will both enjoy. if you don't mind my asking, do you find yourself bored? Do you enjoy or would you enjoy attention from another man even if wasn't going anywhere, such as an invitation to a date (which you politely turn down of course ) I mean I think we all enjoy positive attention to an extent. It is a nice ego boost to know someone besides your partner finds you attractive. I think it is okay to enjoy the attention, but I do not think he should be actively seeking it out. As far as the porn goes, I mean as long as it is only occasional I think that is pretty normal for most guys. If it really hurts you though let him know. I mean I always wonder how guys would feel if we had a magazine with guy's itty bitty's hanging out on the top of toilet? I do not think they would enjoy that either- make him think about that!

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 11:51 AM   #10
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    I agree with Rose, once again.

    I really had to do a double-take with the whole ****-blocked thing. New term for me, totally. What a disgusting boy! And, yes, boy ... not man.

    Why would you put up with someone who says such hurtful, nasty things right in front of you?

    Not all men say these things, believe me. Immature boys do.

    Time to throw this fish back into the sea. You've got a youngin' that needs to work on growth, maturity and respect. I'm not even going to address the porn thing. You've got a guy who has zero respect for you by telling you about his day and how he'll never get to dip his wick in the new girl at his work. He's a jerk and you deserve better.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 11:56 AM   #11
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Well, first of all your boyfriend just sounds very immature. And yes, I think he's still thinking like a young, single, free male and not like someone who is in a commited relationship. It may take him several years to understand, if he ever does come to understand, that you don't say such things in front of your girlfriend. And by the way, there are no hard and fast rules about what guys do and don't do to each other. This other guy at work probably wanted the new girl to himself and that's why he got your boyfriend out of the running by making sure she knew your boyfriend had you. It was kind of idiotic for your boyfriend to tell you about hitting on some other girl and being stopped by this guy. That was very insensitive.

    It sounds like you both are very young. I would say your energy in this relaionship would be better spent in thinking about what you want, what you expect, and what you are looking for in a significant other, rather than stifling your feelings, and asking "is this ok, is this what guys do?" There are some certain behaviors that men do, but for the most part, men are individuals,just like we are, and not all men are the same. You need to decide if you want to be with a guy who flirts with new girls at work and who get mad when someone mentions you in front of her. If you don't want to be with that kind of guy, then you can stop wasting your time with men who are wrong for you and go find a guy who will treat you better, who will be more devoted and loyal to you, and who will tell the new girl himself "yes, my girlfriend and I ate there last week, or yeah, my girlfriend wants to see that movie." As you get older you will learn that the trick to successful dating is to figure yourself out first, before you try to start figuring out men. Figure out yourself, and what you want, and don't waste time with men who can't or won't give it to you.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 12:02 PM   #12
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Yep for me that comment he made about the girl at work would say it all.That would of immediately alerted me to where I really stand in his life.I probably would of have slapped him and left.From all your postings I think the best things you could do right now would be to rid of this guy and just get yourself in order with that therapy.Then maybe you can have a good relationship with a guy who loves and respects you.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 12:26 PM   #13
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Hes actually older and should know better. to tell the ugly truth about our odd relationship, hes 10 yrs older and is divorced. he has said that his ex wife would get jealous and so he wished i didnt(when the neighbor girl issue arose). well im now starting to see that she probably had a reason to be jealous if this is how he acted while with her. weve been togeher 6 months and this has all started about a month ago. before that we never really had any problems like this. so i dont know whats happend to change that.
    as for being bored, i guess some times its kind of routene. we both come from work and are usually tired. he falls asleep around 9-10 so that leaves us around 2 1/2-3 hours by the time he gets home. weekends we are usually always doing something, going to the lake, going to his family in the town he grew up in, etc.

    Last edited by leilani3202; 06-29-2007 at 12:29 PM.

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 12:38 PM   #14
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by leilani3202 View Post
    Hes actually older and should know better. to tell the ugly truth about our odd relationship, hes 10 yrs older and is divorced. he has said that his ex wife would get jealous and so he wished i didnt(when the neighbor girl issue arose). well im now starting to see that she probably had a reason to be jealous if this is how he acted while with her.
    He's a wannabee player......
    LOL what a clown!

     
    Old 06-29-2007, 06:50 PM   #15
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    Re: guys behavior...confused!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by leilani3202 View Post
    Ok, I know guys think with the wrong head and are sexual animals and like to look and flirt. so how far do guys take it when they are in a relationship? my bf has a friend whos a girl. their personalities get along and they like to joke with eachother. he says not attracted to her, thinks shes fat, and would never date her. is that joking like flirting? would a guy take that to the next level or is it just harmless? then last night my bf, our roomie(a guy), and i were talking. my bf was telling us he got c*ck blocked yesterday at work when he was talking to the new girl(who he has previously said is pretty good looking). a fellow co-worker came in and started asking him how his girlfriend(me) was doing and how his son is, etc. well this upset my bf that he was c*ck blocked. i was like, why were you hitting on her or something, you have a girlfriend, why should it matter? he said no matter what guys arent supposed to do that to eachother...is this true? i really dont see why it would matter that he was blocked unless he was trying to persue her?! i dont know, i dont understand guys and their behavior. also, i know guys like to look at naked girls, so when he has a porn magazine in the bathroom(which i happend to find last night without him knowing) does that mean anything against me? im insecure with my body and feel that hes looking at those because those girls have what i dont have...
    Sorry, my age is showing, but what is "c*ck blocked"??
    By the way your man should never be embarrased to talk about you or you child, no matter who is in the room.

     
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