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  • Why do nice guys finish last???

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    Old 07-01-2007, 08:37 AM   #1
    Confusd1stTimer
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    Why do nice guys finish last???

    I'm so tired of the same story....guy meets girl....tries to have a relationship and manages to start one twice but the story is the same....it's not you it's me...you did nothing wrong...I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore...we are too different...why does it always seem that nice guys finish last...my first real relationship lasted little over 3 months and last night I find out on her ******* she isn't in love with me anymore...I still don't even understand and the last night I couldn't even sleep...when I close my eyes I see her...when I'm awake I remember the things we done she was my first kiss and everything beyond that (but not at the point of sex yet) even then it just hurts I want to be selfish and make her stay but I can't make myself do it....what is wrong with me...am I a horrible person...am I supposed to be alone forever...why do I hate my life so much

     
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    Old 07-01-2007, 08:45 AM   #2
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    Well, it's goodthat you realize you can't make anyone stay with you if they don't want to.

    I know it hurts, relationships are hard and break ups suck. It's just going to hurt for a while, but soon you'll feel better.Concentrate on building a life you can be proud of, getting involved in friends and family and your life and hopefully soon you will find a nice girl who is right for you and who will love and appreciate you for who you are.

    I don't think it's just nice guys, I think nice people finish last in many cases, but slow and steady wins the race. If you have confidence and believe in yourself and keep onkeeping on, things will turn out ok. Hang in there.

     
    Old 07-01-2007, 10:34 AM   #3
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    I just don't know if I want to try again or just give up completly I don't want to be alone and I don't want to be hurt either...sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever and live out my dreams in the back of my head...I know it sounds selfish but I just want to be happy...even if I am alone till I die.

     
    Old 07-01-2007, 06:10 PM   #4
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    well I would venture a guess that most people date more than 2 people before they find their spouse. Chill out and don't lose hope. And what does this have to do with "nice guys" finishing last? And I really mean no offense when I say this but....,"sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever and live out my dreams in the back of my head...I know it sounds selfish but I just want to be happy...even if I am alone till I die."? Suck it up and get back on the horse. I agree with Larrylou.

     
    Old 07-01-2007, 06:40 PM   #5
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    I been in 2 relationships yes but it doesn't mean I been dumped/rejected just twice...my point is all I seem to hear even from people I wanted to or have asked out before they tell me those stupid lines of I see you as a brother or something like that...I been getting back up on the horse for quite sometime I have more sores on my back falling off than saddle sores riding the horse. (in a matter of speaking) and because of that is why I have that belief...to make a story short I been trying I just want to find someone to make me happy and to be with...I don't think that's too much to ask...but I'm also tired of being hurt too.

     
    Old 07-01-2007, 08:36 PM   #6
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    You can be hurt by a woman/man, family member, people at work. It is the name of a game. I found right person only when I was 30+. I think after 30 you may meet a woman who really appreciate you, although I don't know your age. What are you goint throught isn't something unusual.

     
    Old 07-02-2007, 12:28 AM   #7
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    You mean there are actually nice guys in this world? Maybe for about the first six months, and then after that the male ego will take over. I'm sorry but there are lots of single women out there and the reason why they are single is because they would rather be alone and date while they are still "nice" within those fresh first few weeks. Most men are abusers and only desperate women stay married for years because their husbands keep them down so that they don't have jobs; and stay tied down with kids. Otherwise, they'd be single.

    Last edited by *DottieGirl*; 07-02-2007 at 12:30 AM.

     
    Old 07-02-2007, 07:06 AM   #8
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    It has nothing to do with being a nice guy/girl - that is just an excuse that people give themselves. You have to understand, it is VERY COMMON for relationships to just not work out. As two people get to know each other, one may very easily discover that they just don't have the level of feelings they thought they had or hoped they would have. We can't force ourselves to feel something. I'm not even going to take a moment to stop and count the amount of times I thought a guy had feelings for me but it turned out he was just using me for sex. You can't let yourself get defeated so easily. Life goes on.

    It is very easy to feel that just because you like somebody, that means they should feel the same. But this is not always how it goes. When two people DO have mutual love for each other it is an amazing thing, but you can't force it. And why would you want to force it?
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    Old 07-02-2007, 01:47 PM   #9
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    I got the impression that you are fairly young. If that's true, than you are just learning that rejection is a part of life, just like not always getting what you want is a part of life. Things don't always work out. It really sucks when things don't go our way... but you can't control the universe! So you suck it up, learn from it and move on.

    You can't depend on someone to complete you. You have to be happy with yourself as an individual before you will ever be completely happy in any relastionship. Spend more time working towards personal goals than looking for a girlfriend. The right girl will come along when you least expect it.

     
    Old 07-02-2007, 09:35 PM   #10
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    I guess you can say I'm still young...23...I been thinking about maby seeing a psychologist and seeing if that can help me because Im someone not only when I fall down I fall hard and I beat myself up which makes things *worse*. Well, first I have to find one close by and be able to afford it then go from there. (at least that's what I can hope) I figure in the meantime I can go back to my internet dating (it is a site with great reviews so it's nothing "unsupervised" in a matter of speaking) I just wish things will change.

     
    Old 07-03-2007, 01:37 AM   #11
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    You are still very young in the scheme of things. Please be sure that you don't come across as a bit too keen for a permanent relationship too soon. That will send most women packing. And the stuff they say is the stuff you are getting. Be a bit more casual. You may not be a casual person, but, believe me, you will get hurt a lot less if you keep your heart off your sleeve. Sera

     
    Old 07-03-2007, 08:10 AM   #12
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    Welcome to the real world!! Seriously dude. . . . you really need to get a grip on yourself because I can almost guarantee that this little past episode will be minor to what CAN happen to you in the future. If the break up of a 3 month relationship can cause you to crash and burn like this, then it is time for you to rethink the way you view life, the world, and others around you, including women in the dating scene.

    The most important thing you can do for yourself is to BE HAPPY with yourself. You should never rely on another person for your happiness because people are faulty and run a high risk of disappointing you. It happened to me. A broken marriage because SHE didn't want it anymore. This is real life. It happens to even those who say, "It will never happen to me", . . .because I was one of those people!!!!!!!!!!! It did happen. I'm moving on. Older and wiser and hopefully a better person in the end.

     
    Old 07-03-2007, 10:58 AM   #13
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    Maybe you should put the internet dating on hold for a bit and work on finding things that make you feel better about yourself. Saying that you hate your life is pretty intense. I'm not saying you're wrong to have the feelings you have, since everyone wants love in their lives. But you have to focus more on you, and feeling good enough to give love to someone instead of thinking about finding someone who's going to give you love.

    Nice guys don't finish last. That is a myth perpetuated by media and society. Work on being yourself and finding out who you are.

     
    Old 07-03-2007, 11:34 AM   #14
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    This thread has been brought up over and over again on these boards by various people, each who assume that they are getting shafted by the entire female gender for one reason or another.

    Break-ups are very painful, especially for people who have put a great deal of heart and trust into a relationship only to discover that the other person doesn't feel the same way.

    HOWEVER, there are thousand reasons this can occur. Maybe the girl thought you were moving too fast or doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now? Maybe she wants to focus on other parts of her life besides relationships? Maybe she feels you aren't compatable? I know it's hard not to take things personally, but sometimes relationships just don't work out. You will probably face this same scenario other times in your life, and sometimes you will be on the other end and you will find yourself struggling to console her feelings and come up with the right words to end your relationship.

    I have quite a few male friends, and MANY of them have given me the "nice guys finish last" line. Most of these guys genuinely are great people, but the reason their relationships aren't working out is because they are seeking the wrong types of women. They fall for girls on a superficial level, not someone who has the qualities of a friend. They go after people based on looks, not someone who will give them the time of day and see their inner charm. If you are dating on the internet, it's hard to get to know someone the same way you would face-to-face. These girls are basing a lot on your profile, your picture, and the conversations you have online. Perhaps you should start looking closer to home for quality relationships...."the one" might be standing right in front of you this whole time, but you never gave her a second look because you were too busy pursuing a different kind of woman.

    I also think your counselling idea sounds like a good one. A counselor might be able to shed some light on your lack of self-confidence and give you some techniques that will help you make positive connections with women.

    Please just know that most women out there are not out to hurt you or overlook you because you are a nice guy. Women LOVE nice men....and we often finish last just as much as men do because we are overlooked or misunderstood. This is a stereotype that needs to go.

     
    Old 07-03-2007, 02:21 PM   #15
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    Re: Why do nice guys finish last???

    I'm going to "ditto" what EddieDean said about counseling. Counseling is a good way to have someone help you look inside yourself. If you're honest with the counselor, you can find some valuable information that can help you change for the better, if necessary.

    To EddieDean, guys unfortunately do have that "flaw" when it comes to finding someone. . . . .looking on the exterior. We are so visually stimulated that, at least for me, there has to be some level of attractiveness to the person. Now, the old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is very true.

     
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