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dodedoo 07-08-2007 06:55 PM

He cheated on me. many times.
So I have posted on here a few times about my boyfriend.

Here is the background:
I started going out with him late last October. We moved
pretty fast and said I love you fairly soon to each other.
It seemed perfect and we had so much fun together. I
found out in January (from him), that he cheated on me
a few times with his ex. They had sex to be exact. He
was crying when he told me and he told me how much
he loved me and that if our relationship was to continue
like he hoped that he had to tell me. Soo I broke up with
him then. We have been on and off since January. Right
now we are on.

Here is my problem:
I still can't get over him cheating on me. If it comes up in
conversation with him I get really mad at him and then he
gets upset because I am mad at him. Its like he wants me
to get over it already. But I just can't. My question is, what
should I do? Is it worth it? I love him. Is it possible to continue
and earn trust again?

Please answer. Thank you!

Confusd1stTimer 07-08-2007 07:10 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Well a couple sayings and my thoughts on them maby they will help you in your final decision

1) Once a cheater always a cheater...I had a girl I knew that I was trying to get to go out with me she was trying to get over her ex (I should have left when I heard about him to begin with) but she told me one night that she went out with this guy named Eddy to get her ex to leave her alone but she told me she wasnt interested in him anymore then I call her up because she said she wanted to finally go out with me and I get a message saying she was the future wife of Eddy...that's when I bolted.

It may not be the same with you so I wouldn't complety cut him off if what he says is true that he will only see you from now on.

2) It takes years to earn someone's trust but seconds to destroy it...I think that's completly true and I don't blame you for not trusting him.

To make a long story short you have been with him for quite some time and now you are on and off if he has done this before I would probably leave him and if you want to give him another chance I would go slower than what you have done either case I would make him earn your trust back.

(I hope this isn't too confusing)

jen52983 07-08-2007 07:24 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Only time will really tell I suppose. If you decide to stay with him, it won't be easy for you to trust him again.. and it certainly won't happen quickly. He should expect and understand that. Cheating is a HUGE betrayal, and honestly, it's not something I'm sure should even be forgiven. But, everyone's circumstances are different...

If he's cheated many times, as you say, then I have to lean towards the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." But that could be the bitter, cynical side of me, b/c I too have been cheated on before.

It's really your choice about staying with him. If you do, then I hope you don't stick around if he happens to cheat, again.

jenmarie81 07-08-2007 10:02 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
I know where you are coming from. My ex and I were trying to work things out and even though we weren't together, he was not honest with me regarding an ex girlfriend of his, he was slept with her twice in the five months we were taking time to fix things and continued to lie and tell me he was no longer talking to her.

We recently started talking after two months of not speaking at all after I found out. it is hard to trust someone after it is broken. we both realize it could take month upon months even years to earn back what he lost. we are taking this SLOW and seeing how it goes...

I suggest you do the same or bail. You can't keep throwing what he did in his face you are making the choice to work things out, if that is what you want to do you can not keep living in the past it will make you both frustrated and it will never work.
good luck.

Seraph 07-08-2007 11:12 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
I think his BIG mistake was moving so fast (rebound??), and not finishing business with his ex before getting down to a relationship with you. It is always risky to be with a person who is coming out of another relationship, and this is why. I personally wouldn't hold it against him for ever, but I would also be careful about moving back into it too fast again. He has probably got over his ex by now. If you were starting out now, you would probably have quite a different experience. Start over and go slow. Sera

happymom28 07-09-2007 05:20 AM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Anything is possible, but it is going to take time. You can't get over something that big overnight, and your boyfriend shouldn't expect you to. [I]He[/I] is the one who cheated and [I]he[/I] is the one who has to earn back your trust. If he can not accept that you are going to question what he says and does until you are over it then I don't see this working.

Here's the thing, you were together for maybe 3 months before he cheated "several" times, with an ex no less. It's not like you were together for a few years and temptation won out one time. If this is how he is in the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship how is he going to be when you hit a rough patch? It's just something I think you should think about.

susieq0726 07-09-2007 12:30 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Well I am firm believer in the fact that if someone cheats on someone, and that someone takes them back, you need to get over it and let it go. If you can't get over it and forgive him, you should have never let him back in your life. All you are doing is making him and yourself miserable. It's not fair to either of you.
The same thing happened to me years ago. Engaged, he cheated, broke up, we got back together and I tortured him for 3 months about it. I realized I would never get over it or forgive him, so I did the right thing and broke it off for good.

dodedoo 07-09-2007 06:50 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
thanks so much everyone for your input.
i think i know what i need to do but i am
too scared to act on it.

Confusd1stTimer 07-09-2007 06:51 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Don't be afraid of what you think is right even if it hurts someone in the end it's better than building up the pain in the long run

ILYF 07-09-2007 08:14 PM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
I can't tell you that time will help you get over it because some of us have LOOOOONG memories! Something my husband did 2 years ago is as fresh today as the day it happened so don't think it will just go away...JMHO!:(

Kszan 07-10-2007 05:18 AM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
Sometimes the prospect of being alone feels way more scary than staying with someone who is cheating (or being abusive or whatever). That's because it's so easy to become co-dependant when you're in a relationship, which is why it's so important to do your best to keep your independence as much as possible and not let that happen. There will come a time when you will be in a relationship but you will realize that even if it ended tomorrow, while you'd be sad, you wouldn't be afraid to be on your own again.

Staying in a relationship with a cheater is really hard to do. It really does a number on your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. I stayed with a guy who was cheating on me for about 4 years after I found out, even though I knew he kept doing it! Looking back on it now I'm really angry with myself for staying, but at the time, I - like you - was too afraid to be alone. But now I can say that if I'd had the guts to kick him to the curb sooner, I'd have wasted a lot less time being miserable.

So, take it from someone who has been there, it's not worth holding on to someone like that. In the end, you're only hurting yourself by staying. There's nothing left to hold on to, he has already proved he can't be trusted, more than once, so why bother trying anymore? And while I agree it can be scary to be on your own, you would be surprised at how nice it can be once you get comfortable with it. I started really enjoying my time on my own once I got used to it. Friday nights were the best, I'd come home from work and just chill and not have to be anywhere. It was great! Trust me, it's really quite peaceful to have your life to yourself, and not have to share it with a jerk who is cheating.

mannie8 07-10-2007 10:23 AM

Re: He cheated on me. many times.
You can't change the past, so if you don't think you could ever get over it then I'd move on. You're always going to be suspicious that he's cheating on you because he has before. Then you won't want to bring the subject up because it upsets you and he gets mad, so you'll end up holding everything in. This is no way to live. I know you love him which makes it even harder, but you can't change the way you feel about the situation. You've given it a shot and it's just not working. I also would try and move on.

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