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    Old 08-06-2007, 03:19 PM   #1
    BoSoxEA
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    Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Okaaay, I guess I could use feedback on this one. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now..we both go to college together, and we've been home from school since May. When we first started dating at school, he told me that his best friend at home is a girl, who we'll call Jane. I stated that it was very weird that he had previously shared beds with this girl since I wouldn't be caught dead in a bed alone with one of my good male friends...but he insisted that they are just best friends and that they have a "very unique relationship". I suppose this caused a bit of insecurity on my part back in February before the summer even began, but the real trouble has been lately. I've met this girl once all summer and it was unintentionally . Since I live about 40 minutes from him, I see him about two days a week. usually Friday and Saturdays. The other three to five days of the week he's spending his time with her. I.E. today: within a few hours of leaving his house to go back to my house, she was already heading over to his house. Well, this upcoming weekend, he will be spending the entire weekend with her at some beach house 3 hours away because she asked him to go to some girl's house with him. I don't know what I should feel, I trust him completely, but I'm still really bothered by this. I guess I'm jealous that they spend far more time together than we do and I'm certain that they have a stronger relationship together even if it is truly just a friendship. I become anxious and bitter at the thought that he's with her more than I because they live close during the summer. Shouldn't the strongest connection be with me?..any advice would be great, I'm just really confused and conflicted upon what to do without looking like a psycho.

    Last edited by BoSoxEA; 08-06-2007 at 03:20 PM.

     
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    Old 08-06-2007, 03:27 PM   #2
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Hmmm, I'm guessing there's nothing "unique" about their friendship at all; I'm guessing it's the old familiar f-buddy style 'female friend' relationship well known the world over. Of course I could be wrong, but what sets off alarm bells for me is the fact that you've never been deliberatly introduced to her. Surely if it was all innocence and light they'd both have made it their business to show you there was nothing to worry about?

    I'm sorry, but I've been down the 'female friend' route with my bf before and it ended badly, so maybe I'm not the best person to advise, but still, it seems like there's something sussy going on. How come the moment you leave she's heading over to his house? What's wrong with her heading over WHILE YOU'RE STILL THERE?

    What about the time you accidentally bumped into her? How did that pan out? Did you get any funny feelings related to their reactions that day?

    Last edited by Laylah; 08-06-2007 at 03:31 PM.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:34 PM   #3
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Laylah I agree the a female best friend that you havn't been introduced to who is spending a weekend with your guy is a "f-buddy". Whats sad is she is probably givining him advice about dating you and knows more aobut your realtionship than you do of hers with him. I may be wrong. Doesn't sound good to me.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:34 PM   #4
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    Hmmm, I'm guessing there's nothing unique about their friendship at all; I'm guessing it's the old familiar f-buddy style 'female friend' relationship well known the world over. Of course I could be wrong, but what sets off alarm bells for me is the fact that you've never been deliberatly introduced to her. Surely if it was all innocence and light they'd both have made it their business to show you there was nothing to worry about?

    I'm sorry, but I've been down the 'female friend' route with my bf before and it ended badly, so maybe I'm not the best person to advise, but still, it seems like there's something sussy going on. How come the moment you leave she's heading over to his house? What's wrong with her heading over WHILE YOU'RE STILL THERE?

    What about the time you accidentally bumped into her? How did that pan out? Did you get any funny feelings related to their reactions that day?
    Well I had met her once, and ran into her at his friend's house another time. The time I met her, she was overly nice to me as she said who she was and then sat on the opposite end of the table from me and my boyfriend. They didn't talk much. The other time, I played pool with my boyfriend's friend because I did not want to socialize with her honestly. I did talk to both of them at once there for a little while and I played nice but I had the worst v ibes. He claims that he's never once done anything sexual with her or any of his female friends, but it all seems too friendly and she has a history of tramping around.

    Last edited by BoSoxEA; 08-06-2007 at 03:41 PM.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:42 PM   #5
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Hun I think you know the truth. These types of girls want some fun no strings relationship wise and don't care if the guy has a gf. Sad thing is he probably confides in her more than you and she probably gives him relationship advice. Why don't they take you along on the weekend trip if there is just a friendship? BTW are you sexually active with him?

    Last edited by carla32; 08-06-2007 at 03:44 PM.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:44 PM   #6
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by carla32 View Post
    Hun I think you know the truth. htese types of girls want some fun no strings realtionship wise and odnt care if the guy has a gf. Sad thing is he probaly confides ion her more than you.
    Well let's say nothing sexual ever has happened, what do I do in that case??

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:46 PM   #7
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    That's what'd really get me; that she has his ear. That'd do my head in... I also think it was an odd comment for him to make, when he said that they shared "a very unique relationship". What man in his right mind says that to his gf about another women?? If my bf ever said that to me he'd be asking for a very unique kick in the arse...

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:48 PM   #8
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Well try to become part of the firendship I guess. I don't know. I have never been in a situation like that personally so can't say. All I know is it would be botgher me a lot too.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:51 PM   #9
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    That's what'd really get me; that she has his ear. That'd do my head in... I also think it was an odd comment for him to make, when he said that they shared "a very unique relationship". What man in his right mind says that to his gf about another women?? If my bf ever said that to me he'd be asking for a very unique kick in the arse...
    Myh feeling is the girlfriend is his most unique relationship. I ahd male friends before Igot seriously romantically involved and those friendships eventually went by the wayside with time. Whose world means more to him?

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:51 PM   #10
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    That's what'd really get me; that she has his ear. That'd do my head in... I also think it was an odd comment for him to make, when he said that they shared "a very unique relationship". What man in his right mind says that to his gf about another women?? If my bf ever said that to me he'd be asking for a very unique kick in the arse...
    Yess, he told me the unique thing a couple weeks before we started going out..what he doesnt know is that I remember those important details, as well as sharing beds..how many people share beds with the opposite sex friends??

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:53 PM   #11
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BoSoxEA View Post
    Yess, he told me the unique thing a couple weeks before we started going out..what he doesnt know is that I remember those important details, as well as sharing beds..how many people share beds with the opposite sex friends??
    Usually when there is something happening in them.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:53 PM   #12
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by carla32 View Post
    Myh feeling is the girlfriend is his most unique relationship. I ahd male friends before Igot seriously romantically involved and those friendships eventually went by the wayside with time. Whose world means more to him?
    I should ask that question to him...he'd hang out with me before her, but then I'd think it would be because of the sex and obviously their relationship must still be "unique"

    Last edited by BoSoxEA; 08-06-2007 at 03:55 PM.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 03:55 PM   #13
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    GOOD LUCK! Tell us how things go.

    I meant around whose world does his revolve? Sorry I didn't put it into words correctly.

    Last edited by carla32; 08-06-2007 at 03:56 PM.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 04:01 PM   #14
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BoSoxEA View Post
    Yess, he told me the unique thing a couple weeks before we started going out..what he doesnt know is that I remember those important details, as well as sharing beds..how many people share beds with the opposite sex friends??
    Men rarely do understand that we remember the details hon, and the thing is it wouldnt matter to them if they did understand that as they forget the details themselves!

    As for the bed sharing thing, how common is that? I shared a bed (and nothing else) with a male friend of mine about two years back as otherwise I'd have had to spend 30 euros in a taxi home at 5am and there didnt seem any point. We'd been at a party and were both pretty drunk so we just crashed in his place and he only had one double bed. We both had partners we loved and wouldnt have dreamt of doing anything in that bed other than sleep, so yeah, these things can be innocent; but in my experience if they choose to share a bed for no real reason other than that it suits them, and regularly, then it's pretty obvious that there's something going on there.

     
    Old 08-06-2007, 04:07 PM   #15
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    Re: Very conflicted on the big situation with my boyfriend

    "Unique Friendship" my arse! Who says that? I'm sorry, but I agree this has f-buddy all over it.

    The thing that really bugs me is how she makes a point to not see you and, the couple times you did meet her, she and your boyfriend barely interacted. Something just doesn't seem right there. If it were all innocent then you would be involved, right?

    If I were you there are a couple of things I would do. The first would be insisting that the next time you go visit him for the weekend you all go out so you can get to know her better. Tell him that since she is such a big part of his life you want to get to know her the way he does. The second thing I would do (because I'm a witch) is start hanging out with my guy friends during the week. See how he feels about it. I'm guessing (like most men) his ego is going to be hurt and he isn't going to like his girlfriend doing this. Maybe even mention going away overnight with a bunch of friends (guys and girls) and see what he says. The way I see it is if his relationship is innocent then he shouldn't have a problem with you having innocent relationships with the opposite sex.

    But to answer your question, yes, I think you should be his strongest connection. I mean, we date so we can find the one we want to be with, right? Wouldn't you want to be the person you have the strongest connection with?

    Oh, and just to make things clear, my husband has a very close female friend. I have always known of her and he made a point to introduce us and nurture a friendship between us. Because of that I trust that relationship and what he says about it. If he acted like your boyfriend I would not be pleased one bit by it.

     
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