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Pessimism ruining my relationship

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Old 08-10-2007, 11:54 AM   #1
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Pessimism ruining my relationship

My bf and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. Every time he doesn't call me when he says he's going to or doesn't answer when I call him or something like that, I always think of the worst (like he's dead, or cheating on me). I'm especially keen on the cheating one. I live far away from him and only see him on the weekends. There are a few girls that flirt with him constantly and he says he likes the attention. Recently they both began txting him. He says he'll show me all of the txts they send him, but I can't help but feel like he really won't, he'll just show me the harmless ones. Also, he has his phone set to where if his inbox gets too full it'll automatically delete each message (he'll have 50 messages in his inbox and get another one and still have 50 but it'll delete the least recent). Last night he was hanging out with this girl and his brother. I read the txts she sent him after he left and they were like "I had a lot of fun" and "I want to hang out with you again" and stuff like that. Pretty much what someone would txt another person after a first date. And then this morning he "couldn't sleep" and was txting her again and then there were two messages deleted from his outbox so he only had 48/50. I immediately thought that he was trying to hide something from me. He said they were just forwards.

Will I ever get over this or am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sullen and alone?

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Old 08-10-2007, 12:32 PM   #2
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

First off...In my opinion if you are always feeling this way you need to ask yourself if this is something that you want to live with the rest of your life??? Have you told him the way it makes you feel when he talks to these other women to the extent that he does ??? And if you have told him how it makes you feel and he doesnt take your feelings into consideration why stick around...just my opinion. I understand that you and him only get to spend weekends together but if he knows this type of behavior bothers you and upsets you and he continues to do it then he doesnt care! I know that may seem harsh but trust me I have been where you are now and its hard to maybe think about your life without him in it but you have to look at the long term effects

Old 08-10-2007, 12:34 PM   #3
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

I can relate to you. I am also very pessimistic. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and just like you I think that he's either cheating or dead when he does not pick up the phone or doesn't call me when he said he would.
However I do feel like you have more of a reason to worry than I do. Your boyfriend has already admitted that he likes the attention of these girls. I think you need to tell him that it bothers you. You have every right to be suspicious about him deleting those 2 text messages. I can't say that I think that your boyfriend is cheating on you but you should be cautious and also tell him about how you feel about these girls and all the texting. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like to be in the situation your in. Plus he might be leading them on by texting them back even if it is just "innocent" talk.

Old 08-10-2007, 12:37 PM   #4
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

By the way getting all of these pessimistic thoughts will never go away unless you leave him or he stops. And if he doesn't stop then you should leave him for your own good.

Old 08-10-2007, 12:42 PM   #5
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

stop taking the blame!
it's not pessimism, it's your gut instinct.....LISTEN TO IT!!!!
this guy is a player.......50 messages?
give me a break.....he's a player and he's playing you and how many others....

Old 08-10-2007, 01:23 PM   #6
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

I agree with Rose (as usual). Because the fact of the matter is that a guy who has a girlfriend would only have texts on his phone from the girlfriend or his friends, but not from all of these random girls he keeps meeting.

I think he's totally screwing around behind your back and he needs to be kicked to the curb. He lives too far away from you anyway, you should find someone closer to you whom you can see more often because this is just ridiculous!

Old 08-10-2007, 01:37 PM   #7
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

I agree with Rose too! This is your gut instinct talking hon and he is playing you for a damn fool (and probably those other girls too). Besides, isn't this the same moron who forbid you from getting a tatoo? Have some self-respect and drop this loser!

Old 08-11-2007, 10:22 AM   #8
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Re: Pessimism ruining my relationship

Count me in the agreeing with Rose group.

You are being taken advantage of and played. Maybe you're cool with your man getting all these texts from other women, sexy/flirty ones to boot, hiding crap from you and telling you to your face how he enjoys the attention he gets from other women who flirt with him? This after devoting a year and a half to him.

I know I wouldn't be. Let the other women have him! You deserve better.

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