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  • Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

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    Old 08-24-2007, 01:50 AM   #1
    Laylah
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    Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    It's just past 9am in Ireland and I woke up nearly an hour ago; the headline clearly states the situation but it merits repeating - HE NEVER CAME HOME LAST NIGHT!

    I'm not in full-on panic mode; I mean, yeah, these things can happen. He was at a leaving do last night; one of the men he works with is leaving to go home to another country (he'd moved here for a couple of years to work) so I knew my bf was going out straight from work last night. His shift wasnt finished till 9.30pm so I reckoned I wouldnt see him till about 3am. I'll have to back-track a bit:

    I was supposed to be picking him up in the early hours but he never called me. I called him at midnight and his phone rang out (surprise surprise - I've complained about that before on these boards) I texted him at 12.00 when his phone rang out and called him again at 1.00 am. Phone rang out again and I texted him again to tell him I was going to bed and please NOT to forget to lock the back door when he got in. Of course he never got in, and that's another thing I dont appreciate; that me and my son spent last night sleeping with the back door open where any lunatic could have invited themselves in and murdered us in our beds.

    I'm guessing he just got trashed with the lads (I know it will have been a fairly crazy night) and ended up sleeping in one of their homes. Maybe that made more sense to his intoxicated mind as they all live nearer to the job than we do and he was back in this morning. I just dont see why he couldnt have called or texted at some point and am very annoyed about that. I've spent the night elsewhere unplanned in the past, but I've ALWAYS called.

    He's never done this before, not in five years, and I'm getting worried something awful happened to him; but there's also the voice that's saying he just got drunk and incredibly inconsiderate with it; and also, of course, only being human, I have turned over the possibility in my mind that he spent the night with some randomer. As they say, a stiff you-know-what has no conscience, and no doubt a drunken you-know-what has no moral judgment either; put the two together and what have you got? But then I reckon I know where my relationship is at right now and that that's actually the least likely scenario, for either of us.

    Sorry people; am just ranting here... Just dont know what to think and am SO annoyed. I feel a bit of a fool too because I was only giving advice on here last night on how to build the assurity of togetherness in a relationship, and now here's my own man clearly displaying he couldnt even be bothered to let me know he's staying out all night! How does a person go out for the night and forget he has a woman at home who deserves the courtesy of a phone call? What should I say to this eejit when he calls?

     
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    Old 08-24-2007, 02:11 AM   #2
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Laylah, I would assume that he got so plastered he forgot his own name let alone he has a fiancee at home waiting. Yeah I can understand your annoyance..

    But thats no excuse I know. I remember a friends boyfreind used to leave his mobile in the car or somewhere when he went out with his work mates, he used to tell her that they left theirs behind, so he didn't want to look the odd one out. Men can be soooo spineless. lol

    Has he rang you yet?

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 02:18 AM   #3
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    I hope he is OK. I hate when that happens, they all do it once (at least), luckily mine is a bit past all that, but I remember some nights.....If he was trashed, then he did the right thing by not driving home, but in these days of mobile phones, there is not much excuse for being out of contact. Give him the rounds of the kitchen when you see him, and don't hold back out of consideration for the hangover. Sera

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 02:38 AM   #4
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Leylah,
    I am so sorry! I am not a long way away from having gone through all this myself. He would get too drunk in the pub, say he forgot his mobile under the... seat in the car and couldn't call or receive calls. If you believe this you believe anything....
    Then, he would come back in the morning from where he had been all night, still ****** an mildly incoherent, with a childish look of aboslute quilt on his face, which he would desguise with angry, defensive behaviour. So we would end up fighting our brains off and still get no where. He is now 52 and I hope he has had enough of all this, because so have I.
    What can I say to you? Men are abosolute children and want to have their cake and eat it too.
    Let's hope he is back by now. A good shouting round would let you blow off steam but I would advise against it. I think he will be apologetic but quick to give you " perfect excuses". It is up to you how you tell him how upset and frightened for his health you are, but I would suggest do it when he is not expecting it so that he can have some brains about him and listen.
    Take care and God bless!

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 03:11 AM   #5
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Thanks everyone; the "rounds of the kitchen" he'll certainly get Sera, ha ha! He texted me about ten mins ago. Here's what he said:

    "Hi, sorry about last night. Ended up on Andreaz (guy who's leaving) couch last night. Just got woke up for work. I'll give you a call later"

    This flippant attitude REALLY ANNOYED ME!! So, childishly, I didnt respond. A few mins later he calls, and I (even more childishly, yes, I know!) didnt bother to pick up. Maybe that'll give him something to think about while he's working and nursing his hangover!

    This just goes to show that he had his phone on him all the time so there was NO excuse for his not having called or texted at any point last night, especially since there were three or four missed calls and two texts on his phone from me. I had to put up with another dose of the usual crap that occurs nearly every night he goes out with his workmates, i.e. not getting to sleep till mad hours because Im waiting for him to call for his lift. Dosent bother me when he calls bothers me severely when he dosent, (and by dosent call I mean there are nights when he'll get a bloody taxi at 2am after I've waited up to bring him home and silly business like that, not aware his phone is ringing, not so much because of the noise of the club, more because he REFUSES to leave the phone on the table infront of him where he can see it light up as it rings )

    On the nights I described where I'd stay out unplanned, as I said, I ALWAYS let him know what was happening, and he STILL gave me a hard time over staying out unexpectedly; Im talking about one particular night he ruined on me by getting all suspicious and narky on the phone when I told him I wouldnt be coming home - and I was out with my 68 year old aunt and her 72 year old friend! I was just taking them for a few late drinks and ended up having a few myself (if youd seen this bleedin place they wanted to go to, youd need a drink yourself) so of course I couldnt drive and decided to just crash the night at my aunties, and I had to get an earfull over it that ruined the night entirely. (in fairness to him I'd been staying out a bit regularly around that time and he just got ****** off with it - but like I said I never pulled it off disappearing-act style)

    Men are such arseholes and I am so ****** off right now! So, heres the plan; Im going to just continue to ignore these calls and texts for a few hours and work him up into a bit of a sweat, lol. What do you think? Am I being ridiculously and unnecessarily childish or does this behaviour warrant a bit of childishness on my part?

    Last edited by Laylah; 08-24-2007 at 03:12 AM.

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 03:28 AM   #6
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Go for it, Laylah, anything that gets your extreme displeasure across to him. It is more fun to make it clear tho, so answer once and say "I don't wish to talk to you at the moment" or some such, and that is it. He has to know he is in the doghouse, not kid himself that you are just too busy to talk...Sera

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 03:38 AM   #7
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    The mad thing is Sera, I'd feel really bad saying something like that to him! I'd feel I was being hurtful; what sort of fool am I? lol

    Last edited by Laylah; 08-24-2007 at 03:43 AM. Reason: misspelling

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 03:45 AM   #8
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Ha ha ha; he's just called again, and I've just ignored it, needless to say!

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 04:00 AM   #9
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    He has got to know by now that he is in for it! Silly man, 2 drinks and all judgement and good sense flies out of the window. I am glad that he is OK tho, that is always the overriding worry.

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 04:05 AM   #10
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Well, you have to speak to him sometime don't you?
    He keeps calling so he feels quilty. That's good! Make him stew a little more and then reply that you wont be home when he comes because you are taking the child out or something!! Wouldn't that be great?
    Then late tonight, you can really give him a piece of your mind. But do cuddle up afterwards! Sex is always good after a fight! Besides it will show him what he is missing...
    As for men being *******s, you can say that again!!! But we just put up with them don't we, provided of course nothing more serious is going on!.

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 04:35 AM   #11
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    he was in the wrong thats for sure. but he did call when he came to and told you where he was and what happened. so lets give him a little break. and like the prev poster said..he does feel guilty. so pleeeeeeease pick up the phone on his next call...or reply to his text. you guys have been through a lot and this isn't something worth fighting about...IMO..
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    Old 08-24-2007, 05:00 AM   #12
    Laylah
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thaliak View Post
    Well, you have to speak to him sometime don't you?
    He keeps calling so he feels quilty. That's good! Make him stew a little more and then reply that you wont be home when he comes because you are taking the child out or something!! Wouldn't that be great?
    Then late tonight, you can really give him a piece of your mind. But do cuddle up afterwards! Sex is always good after a fight! Besides it will show him what he is missing...
    As for men being *******s, you can say that again!!! But we just put up with them don't we, provided of course nothing more serious is going on!.
    Actually Thaliak, I was considering doing a disappearing act myself tonight; telling him I'm going out for a few drinks and would he mind picking me up in the early hours, then ignoring his calls and texts and spending all night at a friends house with no explanation or as much as a by-your-leave, so that he can experience for himself the pure aggravation of waiting up for somebody till your eyes are closing for want of sleep who couldn't be bothered to even respond to your texts or be receptive to your calls.

    I dont think I'll do it though; I am ****** off but not quite that ****** off, as he has displayed some guilt as you say and has redeemed himself to some degree by contacting me immediately and continuing to ring (he's called three times now! lol) and it dosent seem worth turning into a horrible row, as Tarhell has pointed out (you're right hon, thanks!)

    (Still though, I'll keep my idea in the filing cabinet of my mind and should there be any BS out of him tonight I'll know exactly which drawer to open, lol.)

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 05:40 AM   #13
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    He deserves to be all worked up wondering where you are. Childish, yes, but he started it (oh, I guess that sounded childish too, lol ). It such a "man" thing to do (sorry guys, you know who you are)!

    A few months back my husband went out with the guys from work and told me he would be home around 1am. Around 1:30am I get a call (waking me from a dead sleep) telling me he was bringing a friend home and he would be about an hour. Well, imagine my surprise when my very intoxicated husband strolls in a 4:30am (and wakes me up again) smelling like the bar he just came from. I did what any annoyed wife would do and got up at 7am with the kids and proceeded to put the shades up in the bedroom and told him to get his *** ready for church (he wasn't getting out of it ). Long story short, getting a cup of coffee he tripped and kicked the coffee table and broke his foot and ripped off one of his toenails. Instead of going to church we spent the morning in the emergency room.

    Of course, it's always a different story when we women do it! I had a girls night a month ago and told my husband twice during the week that I would be staying at my SIL's knowing that I would be too drunk to drive home. I'm sleeping on the couch and my phone rings at 4:30am with my very annoyed husband who didn't remember the conversations we had had that week (or earlier that night before we left ) saying that I wasn't coming home. I came home by 7am and went about my day as I normally would, however, I heard it nonstop from him how I didn't come home even though I told him. Don't you just love "selective hearing".

    Anyway, after my little rant (this subject gets me going ) I will stop now. Please let us know when you decide to pick up the phone. I am dying to know what else he has to say on the matter.

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 06:06 AM   #14
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    Actually Thaliak, I was considering doing a disappearing act myself tonight; telling him I'm going out for a few drinks and would he mind picking me up in the early hours, then ignoring his calls and texts and spending all night at a friends house with no explanation or as much as a by-your-leave, so that he can experience for himself the pure aggravation of waiting up for somebody till your eyes are closing for want of sleep who couldn't be bothered to even respond to your texts or be receptive to your calls.
    I like that idea as I really think he needs a taste of his own medicine........

     
    Old 08-24-2007, 06:25 AM   #15
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    Re: Dont know what to think; he never came home last night!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    I like that idea as I really think he needs a taste of his own medicine........
    Ha ha ha, I'd have known I could count on you to support me in taking the hard-nosed approach Rose!

     
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