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  • Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

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    Old 08-25-2007, 10:35 PM   #31
    Larrylou'smom
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~Tyger~ View Post

    I cannot make my decision to stay or go at this point. I simply don't know what is the right step, or if there is a right one. Perhaps he is the best kind of man I can get... bar one that is obsessed with me, but that I do not love. And yes, I'll keep looking, but then the next one will have some flaw too... and should I then throw him out and keep looking again? When does the 'looking for what I deserve' turn into being too demanding, and all alone in life? At what point to we accept that thats just the way men are?
    Well, if you would like to elaborate on just how you feel he neglects you or is passive about your relatonship, then we'd be glad to listen and lend an impartial ear. But I don't think it's ever a good idea to settle for someone that you feel is much less than you wanted in a relationship.

    I've found that's a really fine line to walk, when are you standing up for what you deserve, and when are you being too demanding? That's a hard one for a lot of women, I think. My ex said I was pretty demanding, although I really tried to be the cool girlfriend and not get upset, so I still struggle with who was right, him or me. I' like another relationship to try again and to see where I can improve and where I can be secure and strong without surrender or being too demanding. But I think as long as you truly have respect for the person you're with, and you always treat him with respect for his person, his time, his space and his needs, then I think you should be in a pretty safe place to feel free to expect your needs to be met as well without being too demanding.

    But I think going into a relationship with the attitude of "well, this is the best I'll ever find, so..." is kind of setting yourself up for failure. Sure, every guy is going to have flaws, no one is perfect, or will be a perfect fit, there will always be compromise and adjustments to be made, but I think when it's right, and when you're ready, you'll be able to make those compromises and still feel cared for and loved.

    As far as whether monogamy is natural for humans and should you even expect it from a man, well, I think it's natural for some people, not for others. I've only loved one man in my whole life, and despite my very best efforts and my true, genuine desire to love someone else, never found it. I've never had sex, but sexual contact with only two men, this one I loved, and one I tried it with in an attempt to forget the first one, and I cried in themidle of it because he wasn't the one I loved. So I'd say monogamy comes very naturally to me. It's possible.

    But as far as this new guy, I say stick with it as long as you are comfortable and feel the good parts of being with him are outweighing the bad parts and you feel confident and secure and cared for.

     
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    Old 08-26-2007, 12:27 AM   #32
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    Well, if you would like to elaborate on just how you feel he neglects you or is passive about your relatonship, then we'd be glad to listen and lend an impartial ear.
    Yes Tyger, I'd be interested to hear exactly what these behaviours are that are influencing the general consensus among the people who know you to regard him as a user. Sometimes things are not as they seem from the outside and sometimes people take the first opportunity to be judgemental about what's going on in someone elses relationship; then of course, as far as users go, there are unfortunately no shortage of the genuine article out there.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    As far as whether monogamy is natural for humans and should you even expect it from a man, well, I think it's natural for some people, not for others.
    I'd agree with this. I've met men who wouldnt know how to keep their trousers up if you gave them a belt with a padlock for a buckle; then I've met others for whom screwing around was really the furthest thing from their minds.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 03:31 AM   #33
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    I have two nieces that were raised in an intact, two parent home of loving parents with strong values. Both girls have cheated on their boyfriends and suffered very sad break ups for it. I have a brother that was cheated on by his wife.

    One need only read this forum for a week to see there is really very little difference between the sexes when it comes to being a player, a manipulator, or a cheater.

    Men are convinced it is the women driving men crazy and women feel the same of men, but these boards and our own observations pretty much tell a tale of equality in the "what in the world were you thinking" relationship woes.

    I am certain there are good men out there that treat their partner well that have strong character and who would be happy to find a women that desire those traits. But there are a lot of women that are restless and need more drama and excitement and not all men of character are also into drama and excitement.

    When the perfect match is made (which obviously is not very often) it is comforting to behold. Those relationships that are founded on mutual trust, contentment, and mature love are the ones that give us hope.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 07:36 AM   #34
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    I am a loyal and faithful male.

    Really have no time for the "games people play."

    My sincerety throws many off balance.

    I am raising a teenage daughter as a single parent(full custody).

    Chivalry is not dead; there are a few of us out there but we won't reveal our "true selves" to just anyone.

    My loving nature makes women feel that I am up to something, for i am "too good to be true."

    I'm cursed with sensitivity.

    Ryan

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 07:56 AM   #35
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Phoenix1 View Post
    I am a loyal and faithful male.

    Really have no time for the "games people play."

    My sincerety throws many off balance.

    I am raising a teenage daughter as a single parent(full custody).

    Chivalry is not dead; there are a few of us out there but we won't reveal our "true selves" to just anyone.

    My loving nature makes women feel that I am up to something, for i am "too good to be true."

    I'm cursed with sensitivity.

    Ryan
    And the women who'd feel this way are cursed with skepticism Ryan; skepticism, unlike sensitivity, is something you acquire as a result of having been badly treated on a routine basis. I think I know which I'd prefer to be cursed with!

    Fair play to you by the way for raising your daughter alone. I was a single parent for a long time, still am technically I suppose since my sons father is dead and I'm not married yet; for some reason it's always heart-warming for me to hear of a man raising his daughter alone. I dont know why exactly since I was in the same boat myself, but with the genders reversed. It's a tough business, single-parenthood, but it sounds like you're giving your little girl a good example in what to expect from a man. That is more important than I can express. Kudos to you.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 08:39 AM   #36
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Phoenix1 View Post
    I am a loyal and faithful male.

    Really have no time for the "games people play."

    My sincerety throws many off balance.

    I am raising a teenage daughter as a single parent(full custody).

    Chivalry is not dead; there are a few of us out there but we won't reveal our "true selves" to just anyone.

    My loving nature makes women feel that I am up to something, for i am "too good to be true."

    I'm cursed with sensitivity.

    Ryan
    It must be something with the name Ryan because my husband sounds just like you minus the single parent status. I can't tell you how many people tell me he must be full of bs because of how good natured he is. It's actually insulting that people think he putting on an act. He is one of the most lovable men I have ever met.

    There are far worse things you could be cursed with aside from sensitivity. I would take your loving and sensitive nature any day over the arogant jerks of the world!

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 10:47 AM   #37
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    I would take your loving and sensitive nature any day over the arogant jerks of the world!
    Unfortunately, there are many of our gender that would pass him up in search of that bad boy that will only be bad with someone else but not with them only to end up with the jerk they knew they were getting to begin with. I am sometimes surprised, and them I am not.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 10:51 AM   #38
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Music4All View Post
    Unfortunately, there are many of our gender that would pass him up in search of that bad boy that will only be bad with someone else but not with them only to end up with the jerk they knew they were getting to begin with. I am sometimes surprised, and them I am not.
    But let's not forget, men do it too! There are tons of wondeful, loving, good decent women sitting at home alone because men pass them by for the hotter, younger, more dangerous bad girl who will mess him round and cheat on him or do him wrong.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 11:08 AM   #39
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    But let's not forget, men do it too! There are tons of wondeful, loving, good decent women sitting at home alone because men pass them by for the hotter, younger, more dangerous bad girl who will mess him round and cheat on him or do him wrong.
    Oh, for sure. Neither gender is above the other when it comes to making incredibly self destructive and ill advised partner choices.

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 02:40 PM   #40
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    And the women who'd feel this way are cursed with skepticism Ryan; skepticism, unlike sensitivity, is something you acquire as a result of having been badly treated on a routine basis. I think I know which I'd prefer to be cursed with!

    Fair play to you by the way for raising your daughter alone. I was a single parent for a long time, still am technically I suppose since my sons father is dead and I'm not married yet; for some reason it's always heart-warming for me to hear of a man raising his daughter alone. I dont know why exactly since I was in the same boat myself, but with the genders reversed. It's a tough business, single-parenthood, but it sounds like you're giving your little girl a good example in what to expect from a man. That is more important than I can express. Kudos to you.
    Dear laylah:

    I do what I can, when I can.


    1)Too many men are shirking their responsibilities

    2)There's the sick, perverted side(I actually had women on several occasions call children services on me because they couldn't understand how I was not abusing my daughter).

    I thank you for the kind words.

    She knows I love her and still tries to test her boundaries(as any normal teenager would) but when it comes down to downright "being there", she knows that I will produce time and time again, without fail.

    Take care.

    Ryan

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 05:28 PM   #41
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    It must be something with the name Ryan because my husband sounds just like you minus the single parent status. I can't tell you how many people tell me he must be full of bs because of how good natured he is. It's actually insulting that people think he putting on an act. He is one of the most lovable men I have ever met.

    There are far worse things you could be cursed with aside from sensitivity. I would take your loving and sensitive nature any day over the arogant jerks of the world!
    Dear HM;

    Thanks a lot for the re-affirmation that there are still good, faithful males out there, whether single or married.

    The name Ryan is just an added bonus .

    Your husband is fortunate to have a woman who truly appreciates him.

    Take care

    Ryan

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 05:33 PM   #42
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Music4All View Post
    Unfortunately, there are many of our gender that would pass him up in search of that bad boy that will only be bad with someone else but not with them only to end up with the jerk they knew they were getting to begin with. I am sometimes surprised, and them I am not.
    Dear Music:

    I have been "passed up" for "the bad boy" because it was more appealing.

    I guess when some are looking to settle down, people like me come into the picture.

    Ryan

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 05:42 PM   #43
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    But let's not forget, men do it too! There are tons of wondeful, loving, good decent women sitting at home alone because men pass them by for the hotter, younger, more dangerous bad girl who will mess him round and cheat on him or do him wrong.
    Dear LLM:

    It is true that there are those type of women out there.

    If both of us are sitting home alone(the decent male and female) then how do they meet?

    At the supermarket or better yet PTA meeting(just speculating)?

    Looks are not #1 on my list.

    Have been around enough "hot" women to know that "all is not gold that glitters."

    Why be in a relationship if the ultimate goal is to cheat?

    Ryan

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 05:51 PM   #44
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    I would like to put something down here. I am young, 24, and I have had unhealthy realtionships since the beginning. I have finally found a great man and I recently found porn on his computer. I was SO crushed. However, I talked to him about it and he understands my feeling and concerns towards it and agreed to stop. He has never lied to me (we've been together for 7 months). I asked many opinions and read lots of related messages on here, and people seem to say either one of two things: 1) Its no biggie, just deal with it, he's gonna do it anyway, or 2) Don't settle for that, leave him. I don't want to leave him, I trust him but I am still hurt. So, I guess if we can find someone who is strong enough to give up things that hurt us, let's go with that. If not, we shouldn't settle for less. I think there are men out there who can do the right thing. We just have to let them know what our perspective is and they will either agree, disagree, or agree and do it anyway but hide it. Just don't settle for less. They are out there!

     
    Old 08-26-2007, 06:00 PM   #45
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    Re: Confronting questions...your faith in the male race.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    I guess it's just what each individual wants. I can't imagine being able to get a great, decent, loving man to share my life with and not wanting him. Just goes to show, there just ain't no justice!!!
    well of course Larrylou's mom, if he was that great, decent and loving he wouldn't be cheating on his wife, right? Once he cheats he's not so great or decent anymore and should be tossed out on his ear, kids or no kids. You teach your children by example, you'd be teaching your children that it's ok if someone betrays you and walks all over you and you allow it. Your teaching your children it's ok to let someone disrespect you. That will come back years later when your children find themselves in relationships with people who don't respect them......I'm guessing that would be heartbreaking for any mother.....

     
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