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  • Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

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    Old 08-28-2007, 07:11 AM   #1
    ~Tyger~
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    Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

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    Last edited by ~Tyger~; 07-15-2008 at 09:44 AM.

     
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    Old 08-28-2007, 07:36 AM   #2
    treelover
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    Re: Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

    Tyger:

    That is tough one. It if was me, I would do whatever needs to be done to get some closure. If it means confronting him then do so. If you can just walk away then do that.

    Nobody knows the reason why he is blowing you off except him. You can drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why. I would ask him. You deserve some kind of explanation.

    Sometimes love hurts so much. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Keep in touch.

    Treelover, a/k/a Nancy.

     
    Old 08-28-2007, 08:43 AM   #3
    GypsyArcher
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    Re: Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

    Hey girl I'm sorry you're going through this, but to be blunt...

    It sounds like he never wanted you to become his girlfriend, and he never looked at you as The One. You may have felt that you had a really amazing connection, but to him you could have just been someone to pass the time with. And now it seems like he is pulling away from you, probably because he either met someone else that he is interested in, or else is he is ready to start looking for someone else to date.

    You've crossed a bridge and there is no way he could see you as just a friend...he knows that if you go out with him then it would be the same as having a girlfriend around, and apparently he doesn't want that. I think he is back on the hunt again.

    I think you have set yourself up to fall...and I've done this plenty of times myself. You only saw him a couple of times a week, he made it clear even if he wasn't totally obvious about it, that you were not a girlfriend to him, and that you wouldn't be a girlfriend to him. So now it seems like he is ready to move on.

    This whole situation is pretty sucky, but I think the best thing to do is NOT confront him. If he is ignoring your messages and going out without you that is a pretty big sign right there. You don't want to embarrass yourself...just begin the process of moving on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But his actions are pretty much speaking for themselves. What is the point in trying to confront him? He distancing himself from you...do you really want him to have to spell that out to you, to your face? I think you can save your pride by just moving forward and acting as if this whole thing is no big loss...also, there is no reason why you should sit home alone all weekend!
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    Old 08-28-2007, 09:01 AM   #4
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    Re: Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GypsyArcher View Post
    You've crossed a bridge and there is no way he could see you as just a friend...he knows that if you go out with him then it would be the same as having a girlfriend around, and apparently he doesn't want that. I think he is back on the hunt again.
    I have to agree with this. Him inviting you would be like having a "girlfriend" around and that is not the statement he wants to make on his 30th apparently. He definately sounds like he is on the hunt again which pretty much renders you (and your "relationship" with him) useless to him.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
    This whole situation is pretty sucky, but I think the best thing to do is NOT confront him. If he is ignoring your messages and going out without you that is a pretty big sign right there. You don't want to embarrass yourself...just begin the process of moving on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But his actions are pretty much speaking for themselves. What is the point in trying to confront him? He distancing himself from you...do you really want him to have to spell that out to you, to your face? I think you can save your pride by just moving forward and acting as if this whole thing is no big loss...also, there is no reason why you should sit home alone all weekend!
    I agree again. His actions (or inactions in this case) are speaking volumes here and you need to listen to them. He is distancing himself from you and the absolute worst thing you can do is keep calling/texting him. As hard as it is going to be you need to just move on from this situation with your dignity in tact. You certainly don't want the embarrassment of say, showing up where he is for his birthday and have him tell you to your face to "get lost" do you?

    I've been where you are now and I know it sucks. The best thing for you to do is NOT sit in the house this weekend, rather, you should call other friends and make plans to do something. You don't need to sit home feeling sorry for yourself because this loser didn't see how great you are! There are so many men out there who don't use women like tissues. If he does call you again (in a week, month, whatever) do not act like any of this bothered you. Act like you have moved on for bigger and better things (even if you haven't yet). Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking that you are pining away for him waiting to be his bootie call at 2am.

    EDIT: I should also add that if he does start calling again looking for a bootie call do not, I repeat, DO NOT do it! You will be right back where you are right now before you know it!

    Last edited by happymom28; 08-28-2007 at 09:03 AM.

     
    Old 08-29-2007, 09:00 AM   #5
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    Re: Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

    I have to agree. No sense in being "the dumb girl who doesn't get it." He's being rather cowardly, just disappearing on you and just hoping you'll "get the message." If you confront him, it really won't serve any purpose. He'll still be a coward, he won't be sorry he wimped out or hurt you. If he had the capacity to be sorry he wouldn't be doing it in the first place.

    Men have a real problem with honesty, especially when the truth isn't pretty. But the only thing you can do is hold your head up, be glad you found out now rather than a year or two down the road, and move on.

    I'm so sorry this happened, I know how painful, frustrating and confusing it is, but that's the risk we take when we decide to date someone. It just doesn't always turn out the way we'd like. The search continues. Chin up, and please don't take it personally. We've all had some guy do the same thing to us. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, he just wasn't the one, that's all.

     
    Old 08-29-2007, 11:21 AM   #6
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    Re: Being left without explanation? What in the world do I do next...?

    From everything you said on your other thread Tyger, I dont agree that you were "just someone to pass the time with". That's not the impression I got from how constantly affectionate he was with you etc; the problem with men is, they can be deeply and genuinely fond of a woman, along with being regularly sexual with her, and still not regard her as the women they want to settle down with.

    It's often hard for us to get our heads around, as that's not the way most of us view the link between sex and relationships; in that most of us see a direct link between sex and relationships, and for most of them that is only one of many possible links between sex and something else it is possible to perceive. For example; I once had a man (after months of sharing my bed) tell me he had "a brotherly affection" for me!!! I told him; "If what you've got for me is brotherly affection then you ought to be locked up"!

    In light of all this 30th birthday party business I think the best thing you can do is just ignore him right back. I do know that that will be nightmarishly difficult and that it may be many months before you begin to heal, but Tyger; it is better to begin to heal from a place where you still have your dignity. For one thing, the healing process will be faster and you wont have to battle a tidlewave of shame everytime you remember him spelling out in the clearest terms why he has been ignoring you, and leaving you with no other choice but to make your exit with your tail between your legs. Better to make that exit now with your head held high and leave him with the distinct impression that you're a woman who refuses to have any dealings with him on account of his cowardly and offensively slithering behaviour, which has been has been intolerable to you, as a woman of self respect.

    I am sorry that things have gone in this direction for you Tyger; make sure to keep us posted on the situation and on how you are doing.

     
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