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    Old 09-19-2007, 02:16 PM   #1
    Georgette
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    I prefer to sleep alone

    My fiance and I have been together for 10 years and lived together for almost 8. I love him very much and he is no doubt the man I will marry. However, I don't like to sleep with anyone. I am not the cuddly type and prefer my own space, and am easily disturbed by a bedmate's snoring, movements, etc. I have been like this all my life. I have no problem with making love and immediately afterwards leaving to go to the spare room. The only problem is that even though I have explained to him that it is not personal and he says he understands, deep down I think it really bothers him. Does anyone else feel the same way, and how does it affect your relationship?

     
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    Old 09-19-2007, 02:25 PM   #2
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Well, I'm not this way and have never had a similar experience, but I will say that I certainly understand your fiance's feelings. If I had a lover or fiance and he jumped out of bed immediately after making love, I would try to be understanding, but no matter what reasons he gave, I know I'd be hurt. I'd say sit down and have an open, honest talk about it, and make sure it's really something he can live with in the real long long haul and not have it be a problem down the road, or if it's becoming a problem now.

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 02:32 PM   #3
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    I guess I shouldn't have used the word "immediately". What I meant was that I'm not the type to fall asleep in his arms, that I prefer my own space instead. I have tried sleeping in the same bed but I don't get a full night's sleep. It takes me a long time to fall asleep, plus he has a condition called restless legs syndrome, which makes his legs jump every couple of minutes. I can understand him being disappointed, too, but unfortunately I can't change what I feel comfortable with.

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 02:35 PM   #4
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    what size mattress do you have?

    maybe if you had a king size, you could both have your own space??

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 02:45 PM   #5
    happymom28
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    My grandparents were married for 60 years until this past June when my grandfather passed away. In my entire 30 years they always had separate bedrooms. Not that I know all of their personal business (because that's just gross), but my grandfather slept in a room with a queen size bed. My grandmother had a smaller more girly room with a twin bed. She prefered her own space for the same reason as you. My grandfather snored like a buzz saw and it was very difficult for her to get a good nights sleep. I'm sure she snuck across the hall a time or two (ewwwwww!!!!), but I prefer not to think about that.

    I can understand how your fiance feels to a point. I think I would be hurt if my husband wanted separate rooms. Maybe you could find a way to compromise like spend every other night in your room or something like that. Surely he can understand the importance of you getting a good nights sleep, even if it isn't always next to him.

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 03:06 PM   #6
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Apparently, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sleep in seperate rooms due to his snoring.

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 03:39 PM   #7
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    If you don't already have a king sized bed, maybe that would help.

    Well to be honest me and my boyfriend just moved in together a few months ago and the bed were sleeping on is his old bed from his Moms house. I HATE THE FRIGGEN BED!! I have never in my life slept on an uncomfortable bed nightly. But theres a really comfy bed in the spare room. I have thought about going to sleep in the spare room, but I like sleeping near my bf.

    So in my advice I would suggest (if the room is big enough) to bring the bed from the spare room into the master room... thats if you want to be near him..

    I don't know about you, but I love waking up in the morning and the first words we say are "I love you"..then we give eachother a small kiss.. I like all that romantic stuff that comes with sleeping in the same bed. And if we didn't sleep in the same bed we would most definitely be missing out on those things.. So I kinda understand if your BF is a little hurt or maybe just disappointed.

    But you're right, it's not your fault you awake easy, and can't fall asleep easily with someone in bed with you.. So in the end you ARE going to have to do what suits you best.. just have an honest, calm, open talk with him.. if he DOES love you enough then this is something he can look past..


     
    Old 09-19-2007, 05:39 PM   #8
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Happymom, your post was too funny about your grandparents. haha

    I'm sorry OP, I can't offer much advice. My hubby works at night..so I have the bed all to myself at night and he has the bed all to himself during the day. For me, it can be very lonely sleeping alone, but I've gotten use to it. It just goes to show that sometimes we have to make adjustments. Your boyfriend may get use to sleeping alone or you may have to meet him half way and sleep with him at least 1 or 2 nights during the week. Either way one of you will have to make an adjustment or meet each other half way.
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    Old 09-19-2007, 06:04 PM   #9
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ncyky View Post
    Happymom, your post was too funny about your grandparents. haha
    Well, it's not exactly the way I care to remember Grampy, but they did have a great marriage.

    The point of that little story OP is that you don't have to share a bedroom to share a wonderful life with someone. If they had 60 years of happiness spending many nights apart I think anything can work if both people are willing to compromise. After all, isn't that what marriage is about?

     
    Old 09-19-2007, 07:31 PM   #10
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Im a light sleeper when I do get sleep. I average about 4 hours a night. But even though my dh snores badly and has RLS I still couldnt imagine not sharing a bed with him. We have been apart almost 7 months and and I can tell you right now his side of the bed is full of stuffed animals for me to cuddle with. Not the same as having him but it fills the space. Yes a grown woman of almost 33 yrs of age has stuffed animals in her bed...lol
    Has our bf looked into getting his RSL treated? That might help. Also maybe look into a sleep aid for you. Not saying you have to but it might help you get use to sleeping with someone. Not saying you have to get use to sleeping with him either. Just making suggestions that might help. Im sure he understands but his feelings are going to come into play and they should be taken into consideration. It can be very hard to love someone and not get the joy of watching the fall asleep with you. Or watching them sleep beside you during the night and so on.

    My aunt amazing woman(either that or she is deaf) shared a bed with her husband til he passed away for 31 years. The man snored loud enough that I heard him all the way to the other end of the house. This is with all doors shut,over two tvs and two radios playing. I kid you not this man when he snored could shake the bark off trees. I dont know how she slept through that. It was scary when I had friends stay the night and they heard him for the first time. But my aunt did for 31 years.
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    Old 09-22-2007, 09:29 AM   #11
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Hi there OP, I don't really have any advice for you except to say that I can relate. My husband snores (I think he has sleep apnoea) and due to some heavy medications he has to take (for another condition), he constantly jerks about in his sleep. Quite often he also kicks, full force!! After years of dealing with this (and usually me ending up sleeping on a tiny 2-seater couch for weeks on end) we slowly moved towards the "separate beds" direction.

    I don't wish to offend anyone here and what others do is their choice, but my thinking is that by having sleepless nights night after night, I am compromising my health and wellbeing. Sleep has always been a big deal for me. Also, he has a busy job and we are the parents of 2-year-old twins, so we both need as much sleep as possible!! My husband would definitely prefer that we stay in the same bed but he accepts that his sleep problems are the reason.

    Last edited by maryett; 09-22-2007 at 09:30 AM.

     
    Old 09-22-2007, 11:33 AM   #12
    Georgette
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Thanks chinchilla, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. We are lucky to have such understanding mates. I can't function if I don't get my full 7 hours. It's amazing how shocked some people are when I tell them that we sleep separately. The thing is that I have never thought of sleeping together as an indication of the status of our relationship. Many people seem to think it means something is wrong, though.

     
    Old 09-22-2007, 02:58 PM   #13
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Different strokes for different folks. If it's not affecting your relationship in a bad way then I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think it's pretty common too. Do a search on "sleeping in separate beds". There's a good article that came up.

     
    Old 09-22-2007, 06:08 PM   #14
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    My parents have been married for almost 50 yrs, they sleep in the same room, but have always had separate beds. My mom says my dad rolls and tumbles and he is a huge man, where my mom is very small. So, they have two full sized beds....side by side...with just a walk way between them. It was never any other way as I was growing up so I didn't find it odd.

    Maybe this could be an option for you. At least this way....you wouldnt have to walk across the hall after making love you could just slid over into your own bed!!

    Mileena

     
    Old 09-23-2007, 09:07 AM   #15
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    Re: I prefer to sleep alone

    Personally I couldnt consider a relationship with someone who refused to share a bed with me, regardless what the reason; but your partner obviously dosent share my feelings here OP, since you have been sleeping in seperate beds for eight years now.

    I'm just wondering why this has become an issue for you at this point? (since it doesnt appear to be an issue for him) Have you considered bringing up the subject with him in order to calm your fears?

     
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