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Need some help with this girl. (Long Post)

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Old 11-18-2007, 01:11 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 80
Mattm4000 HB User
Need some help with this girl. (Long Post)

Hi everyone, I need to ask some advice on a certain girl that I know. Anything anyone can tell me would be great. Its all a rather long story, but I am going to try to shorten it and get to the point as quickly as possible.

I am a 29 year old single guy, the girl I am referring too is either 24 or 25, shes single as well. I have known her about 6 years, although not very closely. Shes beautiful, intelligent, responsible, everything good. Seriously shes like the type of girl that every normal guy dreams about meeting.
About three years ago I asked her out. She told me yes, she seemed very excited about it, we exchanged numbers, she called me a week later, all seemed to have been going in the right direction.

To make a long story short, we never went out, not even to this day. Over the past three years I have talked to her about us going about maybe about three or four times. Every time I have asked she has told me yes, never told me no once but she always ends up telling me how busy she is with work and school and how she wants too but can never seem to find the time.

Now, heres another important piece to the story...I know her father very well. In fact, I know him even longer then I know her. Her father is a very friendly guy and I see him several times a week and we always talk when we see each other. Now, I must say that I do not know if he knows that I asked her out. I know that I never told him that I did. I dont know if she ever said anything to him or not but I tend to think she didnt because what was there to really say...we never went out so my guess is the topic probably never came up.

The advantage of knowing her father is that it gives me the opportunity to be able to verify what she tells me about herself. One day her father was telling me that she works one job during the week, a second job on the weekends and takes college classes online, which supports what she has told me about her being very busy. He talks to me alot about her and I have yet to come across a time when she has lied to me. Everything that she has ever told me about herself was pretty much repeated by her father during one of our many conversations and everything checked out.

So about a year ago I was talking to her father, she came up and he had made a joke about how he was going to be stuck with her forever. He told me that they were talking and she told him that she doesnt have any desire to get married, have kids, or even maintain a serious relationship with anyone. So he told me that and after he did I was like ok, well that maybe thats the problem as to why she wont go out with me. It made me feel slighlty better because it made me take the whole thing a little less personally.

So now about a month ago, again I was talking to her father,and again she came up. Now he tells me that she is considering relocating after the new year, not very far away but further that where she lives now. She lives very close to me, its maybe 2 miles away. He tells me that shes getting bored with the neighborhood because when she goes out on the weekends with her girlfriends that all they want to do is go out, drink, and party, and shes not into any of that. Plus when she does occasionally go out on a date with a guy, the guys act the same way and she doesnt want a guy thats into going out. Her father tells me that shes not keen on the idea of having a relationship but if she did have one she would want the guy to be of the quiet, shy type, someone who doesnt like to go out and party, someone who is family oriented and who is a hard worker.

The problem is that, thats how I am. I am quiet and shy. I dont drink, I dont party, I am a hard worker and very family oriented. Its possible she might not know that about me because we have never known each other very well but she never took the time to get to know me and thats why she dont know much about me. The problem with this girl is that I feel an enormous connection and attraction to her. Not just in a physical sense but also in an emotional sense. I never stop thinking about her. I mean, sure life goes on, I have dated other girls in the past three years but regardless I feel like shes the girl I was intended to be with in life. I know it sounds crazy considering we were never very close but I am just saying what I am feeling. Whenever she sees me she is still incredibly nice to me. She always gives me a big hug, kiss on the cheek and will always go out of her way to say hello to me.

I just think that if she made time for me and get to know who I am then she would like what I have to offer her but how do I get through to her at this point? I see her very unoften, like once every few months unfortunately, but I do see her dad like every few days. I was thinking about saying something to him but is that the right thing to do? I dont know. I have her cellphone number which may or may not still be the same number but in my opinion thats useless because two times a few years ago when I tried to call her she never answered and I left her voicemails and she never called me back. I am just afraid that if she does relocate next year then we will completely lose touch and based upon the way I feel towards her I dont want that to happen. I dont even care if we just were friends and not even romantically involved right now. That would be a good start. I just want her to be more a part of my life.

Any advice? I am SOOOOO sorry this was so long but thank you for reading this and thank you in advance for any suggestions.

Last edited by Mattm4000; 11-18-2007 at 01:16 PM.

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Old 11-18-2007, 04:37 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,418
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Need some help with this girl. (Long Post)

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but this woman obviously just doesn't want to get involved with you. She knows that you like her, and she is not biting, for whatever reason.

When we like somebody, we'll do anything, move mountains, in order to spend time with them. I'm sorry to say, but I'm not sure what more you could do without looking desperate. She knows how you feel, and if she really wanted to she would get into contact with you. I think she made the mistake of just trying to be polite by always saying "yes" to your date offers and then finding a way out of them. If she wanted to date you, she would. But she doesn't. You need to focus more on some other women
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

Old 11-18-2007, 04:50 PM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 179
treelover HB User
Re: Need some help with this girl. (Long Post)

I would have to agree with Gypsy -- Unfortunately I have been guilty of doing the same thing -- saying yes and then when the time came to follow through I would back out -- because really I did not want to go out with the man -- because there was no spark or chemistry. Just so you know, I have changed my ways -- even though I have a hard time letting people down in the long run I just make more trouble for me so I just so say no or thank you but no, etc.

Sorry Matt.


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