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    Old 12-06-2007, 12:51 PM   #1
    ltmike
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    dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    I recently started dating a girl with bipolar disorder here at my college. I like her a lot and we have a lot of fun together, but over the past couple days she has become very distant, not returning calls or messages. She told me up front that she has a couple mental illnesses, one of which is bipolar disorder. I hung out with her last night for the first time in 2-3 days after she finally called me back. When i went to see her there was little to no affection coming from her for whatever reason. I expressed my concern saying that i was worried because i thought she was mad at me, but she told me she's been really weird the past couple of days such as having crying spells over little things. I asked her if she wanted to do something tomorrow, which is now today, and she said yes. So i call her an hour ago, get no answer, and leave a message asking if she wants to go to lunch. Still no reply. I'm getting very worried that she is avoiding me for some reason. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.

     
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    Old 12-06-2007, 01:04 PM   #2
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    I am sorry you picked this particular person to attach yourself too. With bipolar and 'a couple other mental disorders' you are in for a very bumpy ride. She is apparently not stable on her medications and you are going to be hurt and confused over and over. She has been up front with you however, you have no idea what she meant. Well this is it. If it were me I would move on because I know I would want someone that could participate in my life and not hide out because her mental health is either not under control or she hears or sees things that just aren't there and she needs to isolate herself to maintain.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 01:48 PM   #3
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    yes the advice I will give you is get out now before you get too deep unless you like drama......
    this is just a sample of what your "relationship" will be like if you continue it.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 02:28 PM   #4
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    A relationship with someone who has a mental illness will come with complications, but if she takes the proper medication she should be able to get her disorder under control.

    I can understand why some people would want to bail and not put up with the drama... but thats unfair in a lot of ways to the person with the illness that they didn't choose to have. Give the girl a chance, talk to her about your concerns, educate yourself on her illness(es) so that nothing comes as a shock, and so that you know what you're getting involved in. Her behavior is mostly-likely due to her illness.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 03:27 PM   #5
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Thanks for all the replies. I should note that she told me a few days ago that she ran out of some of her medicine and couldn't refill it right away. I'm not sure which set of pills it was though, so she may or may not be on her bipolar meds. In any case, I'm going to give her some time to get herself together. I really like her and am not willing to let a couple days of limited contact prevent what could be years or possibly a lifetime of happiness. I just miss her so much, it hurts to think she is ignoring me.

    Last edited by ltmike; 12-06-2007 at 03:36 PM.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 03:31 PM   #6
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ltmike View Post
    Thanks for all the replies. I should note that she told me a few days ago that she ran out of some of her medicine and couldn't refill it right away. I'm not sure which set of pills it was though, so she may still be on her bipolar meds. In any case, I'm going to give her some time to get herself together. I really like her and am not willing to let a couple days of limited contact prevent what could be years or possibly a lifetime of happiness. I just miss her so much, it hurts to think she is ignoring me.
    that's the thing with bi-polar people.....they don't always take their medicine for a number of reasons. I knew a girl who decided she's rather buy some fish and an aquarium than get her pills that month.......then became depressed and suicidal because she didn't have her pills.
    I seriously doubt if you will have years or especially a lifetime of happiness with this girl......if you think you're hurt now, just wait.....you ain't seen nothing yet. I was married to a bi-polar man for 10 years, so I know what I'm talking about. It sounds like you're going to do what you want regardless of the advice.........don't say you weren't warned.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 03:41 PM   #7
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Quote:
    I seriously doubt if you will have years or especially a lifetime of happiness with this girl......if you think you're hurt now, just wait.....you ain't seen nothing yet. I was married to a bi-polar man for 10 years, so I know what I'm talking about. It sounds like you're going to do what you want regardless of the advice.........don't say you weren't warned.

    She had a 3 year relationship in highschool so I do think she is capable of having long term relationships. And yes, I am going to do what I want, but I will certainly take in the advice you guys give me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt now because of the medicine situation and the fact that we had 2 solid weeks of normalcy before this.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 03:48 PM   #8
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ltmike View Post
    She had a 3 year relationship in highschool so I do think she is capable of having long term relationships. And yes, I am going to do what I want, but I will certainly take in the advice you guys give me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt now because of the medicine situation and the fact that we had 2 solid weeks of normalcy before this.
    yes but do you know what kind of guy she was with? maybe he would tolerate any kind of situation or abuse just to have a girlfriend. do you know why they broke up? 2 solid weeks of normalcy is a world away from a lifetime of happiness. I'm not trying to discourage you, I just want you to know what you're in for, and that you don't have to put up with it when it gets bad. You don't have to blame yourself, because it's probably not you.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 04:54 PM   #9
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Hey bro,

    I agree with Ann and Rose here. It may sound cold, harsh and selfish, but trust me, you DON'T want to deal with this. I was married for over 10 years to someone that has bi-polar disorder and "other" mental issues. Unfortunately for both of us, she wasn't diagnosed until many years after we separated. I tried and tried to work through MANY issues....too many to discuss here. Let's just say her family thinks I'm a saint for staying as long as I did. She is now much better and is controlling it with the help of her current meds, but as Rose said, they don't always take the meds. My ex would say "I've been fine for over a year now.....I don't need these anymore....". Not realizing the obvious....she was fine for over a year BECAUSE of her meds! Even today, I say she's fine now, but she still has her ups and downs.....and trust me, the down's are nothing you can ever imagine. I had to get a restraining order for her on two occasions....I have full custody of my son because of some of the things she did. She's not a bad person at all either, just has an awful mental illness that yes is treatable, but will NEVER go away. The three year relationship she had....you don't know if it was happy or crazy. Man I could go on forever....

    I can't stress enough, as mean as it sounds, move on!

    Skarn

    Last edited by Gurv; 12-06-2007 at 04:55 PM.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 05:00 PM   #10
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ltmike View Post
    She had a 3 year relationship in highschool so I do think she is capable of having long term relationships. And yes, I am going to do what I want, but I will certainly take in the advice you guys give me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt now because of the medicine situation and the fact that we had 2 solid weeks of normalcy before this.
    I love my sister, but do you really want me to get into the string of guys she has been with? She had her share of long term relationships. She has also cheated on every single one of them (yes, including her current husband) when she was in one of her "low times". There is always something or someone else to blame. Believe me, in her world NOTHING is ever her fault.

    She did see a therapist and was in midst of working on a diagnosis and took meds for a few weeks. She was a whole new person in that time. But she figured she could do it on her own and that was the end of that.

    You will be at the mercy of her whims of whether or not to medicate. That is no way to live. It will take it's toll on you. I know you wil still go through with your relationship because you are young and love. But believe me (and the others) when we tell you this will not be the last episode like this.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 05:07 PM   #11
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    Lots of good points, I appreciate all the advice, but man this sucks

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 05:12 PM   #12
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    [QUOTE=happymom28;3339579]...when she was in one of her "low times". There is always something or someone else to blame. Believe me, in her world NOTHING is ever her fault.
    QUOTE]

    VERY good point! They never see the fault in their own behavior and it's SO frustrating because I would think "she know's she's been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, everyone is telling her she is not right in this matter, but she STILL insists she's doing nothing wrong...." She always gets into conflicts at work, with family, with friends (when she has them)....and the same outcome.

    The other thing to be WARNED about: When they tell you their woes and stories about other people, they sound so legit! You WILL believe her and be on her side. But rmember, there are always two sides to every story. All of my exes friends always hated me.....until they actually met me and realized what she was doing.

    Man happymom, you brought back some memories! ltmike, happymom's own sister has this and she's telling you to move on....should tell you something.

    I can already tell you feel sorry for her and want to help which is very admirable. Whatever decision you make, post here and let us know how it's working.

    Good luck,
    Skarn

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 08:07 PM   #13
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    after she didn't return my calls today i went to her room and we talked. we broke up. she said that she needs to focus on getting herself better and that she can't handle any other kind of emotional aspect in her life ie. a relationship. i got then "it's not me it's you" bit but in this case i think it's legit because shes on all these meds and whatnot. or something like that. so thats that. really sucks, but probably for the best. thanks everyone.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 10:18 PM   #14
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    Re: dating a girl with bipolar disorder, help

    im really struggling here, i cried my eyes out earlier to a couple people. I went and played some soccer to try and get my mind off of it but now im back in my room with nothing to do but think. I don't know what to do, im a wreck. can someone help me with moving on.

     
    Old 12-06-2007, 10:30 PM   #15
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    To ltmike:

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ltmike View Post
    im really struggling here, i cried my eyes out earlier to a couple people. I went and played some soccer to try and get my mind off of it but now im back in my room with nothing to do but think. I don't know what to do, im a wreck. can someone help me with moving on.
    I am so sorry to hear how badly you are feeling and how much you are suffering. I am going through a very painful emotional situation myself, which I have put up a post about on here - it's nothing like yours - but I can relate to what you're going through in terms of crying your eyes out, trying to distract yourself (with the soccer) and then being back in your room with nothing to do but think.

    I'm in a similar position in terms of how I frequently cry my eyes out (my situation has been going on for quite some time) and there are times when I have nothing to do and find myself think deeply (too much so) about the situation.

    You asked if someone can help you with moving on and even though I posted the opposite type of thing to you, I would suggest that you re-read the other posts you have received here, urging you to move on. I can't remember the specific contents of them, but perhaps one or a few included suggestions for how you could move on.

    My suggestion for moving on, off the top of my head, would be for you to TRY (and I know this is far easier said than done) to have a talk with the girl in which you GENTLY tell her that you feel that each of you needs some time to devote to each of yourselves, but that you're still interested in her and that you'd like to contact her an a couple of weeks. You'd have to play it by ear at that point, based on her response if you go this route. Also, hopefully within the next 2 weeks, she will have her meds re-filled and will be back on them.

    If you truly want to MOVE ON FOR GOOD, then you could tell her that you feel that the relationship isn't working out and you feel that it would be best for each of you to move on.

    (again, I feel your pain)

    Last edited by paddler; 12-06-2007 at 10:33 PM. Reason: forgot something

     
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