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Old 12-07-2007, 11:40 AM   #1
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Graciella HB User

I can't really find a better section to write about this than here in relationship health, though it's not about the opposite sex.

I've had a genuine friend, more like lunch buddy at work, for years. Now new people have been hired, more girls, and my friend's been talking and hanging out with them as well. I tried to be part of it but I can't connect with none of them, I find that genuine characteristic is lacking and I don't like superficiality.

Well, now, things have changed...I am not even going to her lunch cuz those girls set it up and I just can't see how she's overlooking a number of things about some of them that she used to point out to me at the beginning. She told me she didn't give them a chance and they are actually a lot of fun, but I don't see it as genuine. Anyway, I told her and she doesn't mind, but I feel I have lost that relationship with her and am sad that we don't see through the same frame anymore.

I am surprised that people change but I don't change with them...

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Old 12-07-2007, 11:58 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 218
walkabout HB User
Re: Friends?!

Don't put yourself in a situation that your not comfortable with. If she is any friend of your's, she will come around you as well. If she does'nt than she must not have been as good of friend as you had hoped for. I have all different types of friends. Putting them together in the same room, they will either get along well or not. Not everyone will be compatable, but hopefully you can respect her having her own friends as she should yours. You don't have to like who she hangs out with, but if you don't seem to like th person she has become because of those new found buddies, than may I suggest(even though it's hurtful)that you move on as well.

My best to you!

Old 12-07-2007, 12:05 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 147
Graciella HB User
Re: Friends?!

And as suggested I believe I am slowly distancing myself from it all because I sort of believe in the saying "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are" (something along those lines).

Old 12-07-2007, 12:38 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,195
happymom28 HB User
Re: Friends?!

Well, she only broadening her social circle. There is no rule that says she can't be friends with all of you. You are the one who is not choosing to go to her birthday lunch so that is really on you. I think if you were really her friend you would go for HER despite the other people who will be there. Do you think she may feel a little hurt by you as well.

I agree that if she is your real friend she will still come around and spend time with you. But that must be hard for her at this point seeing that you don't even want to be with her for her birthday lunch.

I'm not trying to be judgemental here as I can understand not wanting to be around people who make you uncomfortable or who are "fake". But have you actually given any of these women a real chance? I mean, this friend of your gave them a chance and found she actually likes them. Is it possible that you may have judged them too soon as well?

I'm sorry, but if your friendship fades I really see it as being more your issue than her's. She isn't excluding you. You are deciding not to participate. The more you refuse invites the fewer invites you are going to get. Maybe giving these new girls a shot is a small price to pay for keeping this friendship? I mean, if you don't like them after that then fine. But at least give them a shot and don't judge your friend because she actually likes them. Everyone is different.

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