Love & Affection?

lb07maricopa

Better than what?
lb

Destea

Feels great, of course! Who wouldn't want to be treated like that?

The best of all worlds, imo, as a woman, is to be with someone who shows you they love you with a nice balance of actions AND words. If you only do things and never say it - well, that's pretty much on the same scale of saying it all of the time but never lifting a finger to show it.

happymom28

What woman wouldn't love that?

But honestly, unless it was from a place of sincerity it really wouldn't be "right", you know what I mean? I wouldn't want my husband doing that just because he thought that is what I want. I want him to mean it when he tells me I'm beautiful or that he actually wants to do the load of laundry for me.

Destea

Hahah c'mon.. who actually WANTS to do laundry.....

lb07maricopa

that's why i asked better than what - words? we all know 'actions speak louder..."
If you really love and care for someone, you will help them, comfort them, caress them, as well as say ' i love you'.

lb

happymom28

I know my husband HATES doing laundry. I wouldn't want him to do it to prove that he loves me. I would rather him do something that is more "him", if that makes any sense. For example, he'll fill my car with gas and check the oil because car maintenance just isn't my thing.

chevyman

well what I was meaning was to be intimate!
but meant in good taste.

I'm probably going to just confuse most of you that never had this kind of feeling? OR realtionship?
Magnagomous <ms realtionship that is.

As for as the love you can just tell its there, its the affection I guess is what I mean like if the female don't ever say things like the meaning of love, but that female loves you dearly and appreciates what you do ect,,ect,,...in other words..> to get a woman to show you love and affection back, do we need to do all these things all the time? and not just be taken for grante.

I can't bring myself to ask her to her face why she lacks to show affection. other than when I do good things for her like I said...because when I DO ALL THOSE THINGS IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A SUGAR DADDY.
and thats not what I want in a real realtionship.
I realize there are some women non-affection/shy maybe ect,,ect,, but show it in other ways maybe inside there heart, but how do you tell?

JulJul22

Maybe you’re spoiling her or your just not seeing those little things that she does to show her love. Examples:

Making you dinner. I know that sounds like a no brainier but, us women like to put a lot of love into the foods that we make. We wait in anticipation to see your reaction and almost always apologize if we did something wrong or over cooked those precious green beans. Lol

Making you go to that dreaded family reunion:
Most men freed going to family gatherings as if your great Aunt Betty is going to swallow you whole when she goes in for the ‘kisses. But, the majority of the time you have an awesome time with ‘the guys’ and she pretty much has to pull you away by the end of the night.

And most importantly, I think is cuddling. I think that laying together on the couch and watching a movie has to be one of the most rewarding and loving moments that I cherish.

She may not buy you gifts or sing you a Selin Deion song but every relationship is different and you should enjoy ever minute that you have with your special someone. It’s hard to understand just how much you love someone and how much the little things mean until they are gone. My cousin just lost his finance on the 5th in a terrible car accident and what he remembers is just the little things that meant more to him than any gift.

Kszan

Here's a concept, how about talking to her about it? I think that if you're doing all this stuff expecting something of her that she isn't giving you, then you really need to talk to her about it. Open communication is the one thing that majority of relationships lack, and which drives most people apart when it's not happening. It sounds like you're not talking to her about it, so she doesn't even know it's a problem, so nothing will ever get resolved until you actually tell her that you perceive a problem.

chevyman

hi ,
you make a great point and I love your post, I lOVE THE COOKING PART I do take that for grante way to much but I know what you mean, its kinda like you say in this realtionship, its just that she don't ever show affection or gratitude...its like its meant to be this way.

yeah I do spoil her maybe to much, I just wish she would show a little bit of affection through emotions or something and stop saying things like Thank you, and maybe just show a little affection or emotions, she never crys her Dad passe away and she never cried once just quite, I'm beginning to think she has no emotions at all?
she does show more afection with her family than she does me, she will hug her brother /mom ...she never comes to me with a hug..I do all the huggin and cuddling..she likes that but she don't ever insiate <ms it.

kszan, I agree open communication is the key in most realtionships, its hard to talk to her about these kind of things, her anwser is always the same ''what do you want me to do or who do you want me to be''
I'll change if you tell me how to change'' ect,,ect,, things like that,
its hard to tell a pers how to love I guess, maybe she loves in a different way?

StenoLady1

Chevy, I also think you need to speak with her. There isn't going to be a stock answer for this. So much of it is perception on both of your parts, as well. Like JulJul said with the cooking, for example, that is a huge way that some women show affection. See, if you started getting in the way of my laundry, I wouldn't see that as a help. I'd see it as you creating more work for me because I'd feel the need to micromanage so my whites don't end up pink. I'd much rather you take the initiative and go take care of that crack in the wall that needs repair and touch-up or take my car up to the service station to be washed and vacuumed -- without being asked, of course

I'm gathering that you feel she doesn't show you either enough of or the type of affection you'd like. As a result, you're probably going overboard in your affections, in an attempt to make her do the same for you. This usually doesn't work. She'll pick up on your insincerity; you'll get burned out rather quickly.

Your best bet is to just speak with her, let her know your feelings and pick her brain a bit as to her feelings on affection. There's a whole spectrum on affection. It's not black and white. I've also found that where you are on the spectrum can vary with time and age.

FWIW, my hubby and I are very different when it comes to affection. He's very touchy and physical. He loves to hug and cuddle, has a very "soft touch." He still writes love notes and just likes to be adorable. My idea of showing him affection is to make him comfortable and warm in his surroundings. I want the house smelling good, feeling good, and looking good; I like to cook for him and see his smile when he tries something really delicious. When he walks in the front door, I want him to feel at home and as comfortable as one can be.

See, very different ways of showing affection, but both come from the heart and compliment each other well, too.

Best of luck & happy holiday

JulJul22

Chevyman,

Perhaps she has suffered something traumatic in her past that had affected the way that she handles her emotions. Perhaps something happened within her family and she feels as though she owes them or is trying to regain that connection with her family. (RE: the hugs) Do you mind me asking how long you have been in a relationship with her? Were you friends before becoming intimate? Has it always been this way?

Kszan

I think this is part of the problem. If you're not really sure what you need from her, then how can you expect her to know? When she asks you what you want her to do, just give her some examples so she knows what you're talking about. Otherwise, I think that it's going to be hard for her to understand what you're telling her.

I agree that she probably has a different way of showing her love for someone. But at the same time, you have to communicate with her to let her know what your needs and expectations are, just as she needs to do the same for you. Otherwise, this relationship really isn't going to work.

happymom28

Well, with that being said I have to agree that you do need to talk to her. Everybody is different and shows their love and affection in different ways. Your girlfriend may think she is very affectionate towards and doesn't even realize that you don't see it. Bottom line, this is one of those things that only communication can fix. You can't expect her to fix or work on something that she doesn't even realize is an issue.