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  • 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

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    Old 01-02-2008, 11:41 PM   #1
    mommaoftwinsplus1
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    3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    Where to start?! I have a serious crush on someone. He gives me so much attention. However I don't get attention from my husband. I am a stay home mom of 3 and feel so lonely! Anytime I am around this person I get so excited to see him. I do have feelings of guilt. Should I tell my hubby that I am unhappy? I don't know if the crush comes from attention he gives me since I feel isolated and lonely! Please tell me I am not alone~

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    Old 01-03-2008, 12:02 AM   #2
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    This is a difficult situation, indeed. I think you should definitely talk to your husband about how you don't feel like you are getting enough attention from him. Being at home all day with your kids and not getting out and doing anything for yourself must be hard. Maybe the two of you could arrange a date night? Leave the kids w/ your parents and go for a long weekend somewhere, if that is an option?...that is if you want to salvage the marriage. If he is not interested in changing his behavior, maybe it is time the relationship end. Talk to him though...tell him how you feel.

     
    Old 01-03-2008, 12:43 AM   #3
    mommaoftwinsplus1
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    Thank you MHampton~I am so lost. He is a great provider so I can stay home, but I don't have any attraction to him. He is a great father and provider so I should be happy. But the attention I get from other men makes it so hard. I don't know if I should let him know how I feel or not! I know a night with a "crush" would not be worth it! But I feel so awesome around him!

    Thanks in advance,
    mommaoftwinsplus1~~~
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    Old 01-03-2008, 02:35 AM   #4
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    It's alright to have a crush on someone but never to the point of putting your marriage at risk. Why not take the energy you have for that crush and do something constructive and figure out why you have lost the love for the only man that should be in your life/heart/mind. You need to grow up and figure out why you prefer others to your husband. I can't believe you haven't had a loving heart to heart to tell your husband how you feel...leave out the thoughts you have for this other one. Let him know that you will seek counseling if you need to but you owe it to your family to figure it out...not just drop them and think the grass is greener on the other side. It isn't.

     
    Old 01-03-2008, 10:09 AM   #5
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    You say you are lonely and a stay at home mom. Why are you so lonely? Do you get out without the kids? D o you have hobbies? friends? Do you and your husband do date nights? Do you go out for girls night out? I think it's easy to use a crush as a distraction, and being a sahm can be very lonely if you arne't also taking care of your own needs. Before you go running off to the crush, think about your life and thinks you are doing just for you. Is your husband supportive more than just financially? Does he pull his weight at home? Encourage you to get out? Respect you? I know that sahm often feel isolated and alone, so that is why I'm curious about these things.

     
    Old 01-03-2008, 10:30 AM   #6
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    I don't see a crush as being that healthy. I have crushes, but they are celebrity crushes and I have no chance in the world with them. I can honestly say that I do not think about other men. I am also a SAHM with only one child and I do not have time to even talk to other men.

    I am curious to know more about this man you have a crush on? How is he giving you attention and when do you see him? I think you need to distance yourself from him. He may be trying to seduce you. Some men like the idea of being with a married woman b/c it can mean no strings attached sex. I think you need to be careful and should also try to rekindle your marriage. What are you doing to make it better and more exciting?

    Last edited by KeltoKel; 01-03-2008 at 10:31 AM.

     
    Old 01-03-2008, 10:39 AM   #7
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    That is one thing I learned as a sahm is that you have to take care of yourself. Honestly, with the way you say that you are so lonely I feel your crush is more of a distraction than anything.

    Please talk to your husband. With 3 small kids and him working all the time to support the family these things happen. You need to still have time to be a couple along with you having time for you.

     
    Old 01-03-2008, 07:09 PM   #8
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    What you need to do is distance youself from this man in any way possible and get your mind on other things. The problem is not with this man, but your relationship with your husband. Like the other posters have said, do you go out on date nights with DH? Even suggling up reading the newspaper can help. Just SOMETHING to tell him that you're wanting to work on this marriage. Marriage takes a lot of work. It doesn't end when you say "I do". Others will probably agree. But, it can work to bring the flame back.

    It's good that you feel guilty, you should. It's your conscience telling you that you're getting yourself in deep waters.

    TURN and RUN away from this man and into your DH's arm.

    Last edited by pinkie1; 01-03-2008 at 07:12 PM.

     
    Old 01-04-2008, 08:55 AM   #9
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    Yea, I would like to know who this other man is and how you see each other. Has something started already with this man? Even if there isn’t physical contact, you can still be having an emotional affair. You must have some kind of attraction to your husband if you have three children with him! I'm sorry to sound so harsh but you DH sounds like a great guy. He works so you can stay home with the children, is a good father. Why aren’t you comfortable in this lovely life that you are living? Do you feel like your marriage is in any way salvageable? Why haven’t you talked to you husband?
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    Old 01-04-2008, 09:12 AM   #10
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, then you need to start watering your own lawn.

    Yes, I would seriously go to counseling because what you are facing is a potential marriage breaker. Not good for those involved, especially the children. You need to find out how to rekindle what you initially saw in your husband. But remember, there will always be a "better looking person" out there. It takes character to stay in the marriage when the "better looking persons" take notice of you, even when your spouse may be lacking in that area. This isn't a time to search for another, but to go to counseling to find out how to FIX this.

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    Old 01-04-2008, 10:34 PM   #11
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    Re: 3 kids..unhappily married w/ a crush???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mommaoftwinsplus1 View Post
    Thank you MHampton~I am so lost. He is a great provider so I can stay home, but I don't have any attraction to him. He is a great father and provider so I should be happy. But the attention I get from other men makes it so hard. I don't know if I should let him know how I feel or not! I know a night with a "crush" would not be worth it! But I feel so awesome around him!

    Thanks in advance,
    mommaoftwinsplus1~~~
    Coming in late on this one, but I was curious as to why you haven't responded since this post, mommaof?

    Well, if you're still checking, you don't go into a lot of detail, so I don't know if you really loved your husband once but have drifted apart as so many couples do when kids and bills and such come along, or if you never really loved him and only married him because he could provide. You say your husband's a great father and provider, therefor you should be happy. Well, why? There's a lot more to being a good husband than bringing home a paycheck and being good with the kids. That's a good start, but it sure as shootin' ain't the whole deal.

    Did your husband EVER make you feel like this guy makes you feel? If so, then yes, you definitely need to talk to him, but get it straight in your mind first what you feel the problems are and what the possible solutions could be. If you NEVER felt for your husband what you feel for this guy, well, that's an entirely different matter I think. I think it would be kind of silly to ignore feelings of connection and emotional intimacy with someone so you can focus on a marriage that was always loveless and unsatisfying, and probably always will be. The question is, can your marriage be fixed? I think you really were in love with your husband once, then yes, there is hope to find your way back to being in love with him again. If you never loved him or felt passion for him or never had an attraction for him and, like I said, only married him for convenience, then, not so much. The solution to your problem will be more involved.

     
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