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  • Sorry So Long... Need advice about possibly jealous boyfriend?

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    Old 01-05-2008, 12:34 PM   #1
    cakelikethatdog's Avatar
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    Sorry So Long... Need advice about possibly jealous boyfriend?

    Ok. So what I wrote up is really long but I needed to explain the past in order to explain as clearly as possible what is going on currently.

    I'm 19 and am in a relationship with my first boyfriend ever. We've been together a little over 4 months. At the end of october I started staying with him because his roomate (now ex roomate) ended up moving across the street. Part of that was because I was over at my boyfriend's apartment a lot so that started to upset his roomate and my boyfriend didn't really do anything about it because the roomate was slobby and wouldn't respect rules that he set in the past either. I was willing to not be over there so late or as often but ultimately the problem was between the two of them and the ex roomate guy ended up moving.

    So after he left I started staying there. Things are ok with that. Recently I realized that I made too quick of a decision to start living with him but I've talked with him about that and we're working on things. I'm still living with him but I can always go back to living with my mom because I'm not on the lease here. No matter what though, I know that I am still happy with the relationship and I am in love with him so I'm staying with him no matter what happens with the living situation. Anyway, this isn't the problem.

    Back when his roomate moved out and went to living across the street my boyfriend told me about how the roomate spread rumors about us to mutual friends of my boyfriend and the roomate. So for a while I guess my boyfriend's friends weren't talking to him really because the friends across the street all belong to a christian group that I guess is really judgemental about the whole living together before marriage and stuff like that. After that he has gone over there a few times I guess but not much. My boyfriend really isn't that social anyway. He's pretty shy and mostly hangs out with me when I'm there. I've only been across the street twice since I've been over there and I've met some of his friends but don't really know them.

    The ex roomate IMed me one night a few weeks or a month ago on AIM when I was at the apartment with my boyfriend. I was talking to him for a little while cuz I was just trying to apologize for the situation and clear things up so him and I were fine. The ex roomate told me about some girls that lived across the street saying that I should go meet the girls.

    Christmas eve, a friend of my boyfriend invited us across the street to watch a movie but my boyfriend didn't really want to go over there but I said that I was bored and asked if we could go over there so we did even though he didn't really have a great time.

    Then the other day I really got to thinking and I do want to meet more people over there. And I'm very shy so I decided that I'd ask the ex roomate through ******** if he could introduce me to the girls since I was shy and I figured that my boyfriend wasn't going to be introducing me to anyone anytime soon since it's been 4 months that I've known him and we've only been over there twice and both times he didn't seem super excited about going over there. So the ex roomate guy said he'd be happy to introduce me to the girls and all and then the next day I told my boyfriend that I was thinking about going over and have the ex roomate guy introduce me to the girls over there.

    But then I knew something was bothering him cuz he seemed sad and was just quiet in a way that I've never really seen before so I was like what's wrong. And he got mad about the ex roomate. Saying that he felt betrayed because appearantly the ex roomate guy is always inviting girls over there and then he mentioned about how he was spreading rumors about us to his friends and stuff. So he's still upset with the ex roomate guy.

    I told him that the ex roomate guy didn't invite me over there. That I was the one who asked and that I just wanted to meet the girls. And he asked why I didn't ask him and that he should be the one to introduce me because I'm his girlfriend. I didn't ask him because of how he seems like he never wants to go over there.

    Then he was saying and also that I wasn't really kissing him that night or that morning. Last night I was tired and I told him that I was tired. And then that morning I guess when he was kissing me I was just messing around cuz sometimes I will act shy when he is trying to kiss me. I didn't mean it as a bad thing.

    He's never seemed jealous before. Like if I'm talking to someone on AIM or my friends. I honestly don't think he's trying to stop me from making friends. So I don't know maybe it's mainly the ex roomate thing that brought up some insecurities in him and maybe it was a really bad idea for me to even message the ex roomate guy in the first place. I didn't realize that it was going to make my boyfriend upset. I've never seen him jealous before and I think it's mainly because he's ****** off at the ex roomate guy. Anyway, I messaged the guy back and told him nevermind. That if I was going over there I'd have my boyfriend introduce me.

    I'm just trying to make friends because I'm shy and don't have a ton of friends. So I don't know. I doubt him and the ex roomate will ever get along. I'm not really sure what else to do. Maybe try to be friends with other people instead when I start going back to school for the winter quarter instead? I'd really like to meet some people over there though too... if I'm going to be staying there and all I'd like to get along with somebody. You know? I just don't want it to be an issue. If I talk to my boyfriend more about wanting to meet more people around there I'm not sure how exactly I'd go about doing this. It's his choice if he doesn't want to be over there a lot since he isn't as interested in being over there but I think I have a right to make friends and be over there if I wanted... I just don't want him to be upset over it. I mean, I don't even have to talk to or see the ex roomate guy if that is what he is worried about.

    Gah. Ok. I keep rambling now. So I'll shut up now. Any advice?

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    Old 01-05-2008, 01:25 PM   #2
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    Re: Sorry So Long... Need advice about possibly jealous boyfriend?

    I think it would do you some good to meet some new people, however, I'm not sure if going through is ex-roommate is the best way to do it. If your boyfriend knows these girls I would ask him to introduce you. Tell him that you would like to make some new friends and expand your circle. There is nothing wrong with that. It's healthy to not be with your boyfriend 24/7.

    If he is reluctant to introduce you to these girls and/or put off by you meeting and hanging out with other people in general, then you may have a jealousy (or control) issue. It's kind of hard to say at this point that there is a problem. Your relationship and the living together is new and the whole roommate debacle is tied in.

    Just talk to your boyfriend and ask him to introduce you. I think his answer will tell you a lot of whether or not you have soemthing to worry about. And, like you said, you can always meet people when school starts back too. I think it is wise that you want to get to know a lot of different people. Don't fall into the trap of only having your boyfriend.

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