It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 01-21-2008, 03:01 PM   #1
    Bigirlsdontcry
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2007
    Location: U.S.
    Posts: 13
    Bigirlsdontcry HB User
    Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    I posted an earlier post that I caught my husband at a strip club with guys at work after turning off his phone.

    I struggled with the issue. "was it ok, was it not"? I didn't want him there. Most strip clubs in the city where I live offer prostitution. And he had spent 500.00 bucks that night. I was upset, but decided to forgive him, and he promised he wouldn't go there again.

    Then a few days ago, he came home late drunk around 8pm. I ignored his behavior and took my son to a kid movie. We got back kind of late and I didn't even talk to my husband.

    Then 2 days after that, on Friday when he got paid, I spoke to him at 3PM, and then tried to call him back a few minutes later because he was upset. His phone was off. On a hunch I drove the 2 minute drive to the strip club(we live in a nice neighborhood, so go figure). Anyway, I had hoped he wouldn't be there, but sure enough his truck was there.

    I went in and found him at the ATM by the door with a stripper standing behind him. I had hoped to go unnoticed and sit at the bar to see what he was doing. (it's really dark in there). But he saw me and went outside, I followed. He was really drunk. I asked him to go home, but he kept stepping back towards the door. When I got angry he said he was going to hit me and called me names. I pulled his hat off his head and stomped it into the mud. His hair looked awful. So he got in his truck and left, but not before telling the bouncer that I was his crazy ex-wife.

    He showed up at home by ramming the back of my car. I fell over in agony in the grass crying saying, "no, not my car". The back of my car was banged up, and he got out and laughing saying he didn't hurt my car. I think he was high on drugs he had purchased from the club. He then started screaming (in our quiet, nice neighborhood, and calling me a names.

    Our son and I got into the car and wouldn't get out until the police came ( I had called them).

    The police showed up and weren't very nice to me, but told me my son didn't need to be around this and why didn't I leave. He was acting nice to them but they could tell he was really messed up. (he hadn't done this before, I was in shock)

    They then said he needed to go to a hotel and sober up. The next morning I looked up our bank accounts and found that he had stayed at the small hotel a few feet from the strip club! It was so close it was almost the same building...and spent another 500.00.

    He came back home! I told him to pack his stuff and get out. He kept saying he'd get out and he'd go. He said he knew he had a problem and was never going to drink again, and wants to go to church. He says he did it because he was depressed over his brother. (because he hadn't heard from him in a month and he won't talk to him)

    I'm not sure I can forgive all of this. Depression or no depression. What are your opinions on this? I think I'm leaving when I get the money. But not sure. Meanwhile I'm feel so cheated because he wasn't like this for all this time, years and years, and we have a child together. And I'm afraid it will happen again.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 01-21-2008, 03:06 PM   #2
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,256
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    that would be it for me......
    he's disrespecting you.....not once, but twice (that you know of)
    he will just continue to do it and he's teaching your son it's ok.
    you need to take your son and get away from this husband......
    he's no good, he's a liar and a cheater and you're tolerating it.....
    stop tolerating it.

     
    Old 01-21-2008, 03:47 PM   #3
    hoopty
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: USA
    Posts: 115
    hoopty HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    This guy's got some major problems...it's time to file for a divorce. Sounds like a drug problem to me too...that's probably what he's spending all that money on. There's probably someone at that club that he's buying drugs from by the way you said he was acting. And strip clubs are a haven for druggies! Most of the strippers are coke heads! OH HELLO...you know why he rented a hotel room...come on sister don't be naive! Surely you don't buy that hogwash!
    __________________
    Monkey see...monkey do...
    Secrets are nothing more than lies in disguise.
    Love is fragile...handle with care!

    Last edited by hoopty; 01-21-2008 at 03:52 PM.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 05:02 AM   #4
    happymom28
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Location: New Hampshire
    Posts: 4,195
    happymom28 HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    I would be calling a divorce lawyer. You don't need this crap. He is a horrible role model for your son. He threatened to hit you in a public place and he hit your car with you in it! A normal and mentally balanced person DOES NOT do this.

    Whatever his problems are they are not your's and it is unfair to make them your son's. Let him go self destruct somewhere while you provide a stable life for your son. He will thank you one day for it.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 05:27 AM   #5
    Kszan
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Posts: 5,245
    Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    You need to get yourself and your kid out of this situation. It's only going to get worse. You're not your husband's mother, you shouldn't have to put up with this. Let him work out his problems alone, because you definitely don't need to have this kind of craziness in your life!!!!

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 05:42 AM   #6
    mangoes
    Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2007
    Location: ca
    Posts: 80
    mangoes HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    this guy is a total monster. id be changing the locks on the door. id divorce him, he doesnt love you because he wouldnt call you his ex wife to some stranger. you dont have to explain anything, he should know what he's done. when he's at work, pack his clothes and belongings, stick them on the porch and change the locks quick smart.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 05:43 AM   #7
    matter of time
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: NY
    Posts: 930
    matter of time HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    You struggled to forgive him once and less than a month latter he his doing the same thing.

    Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

    Get your finances together and get you and your son out.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 07:17 AM   #8
    caput1996
    Member
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 81
    caput1996 HB Usercaput1996 HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    You're right. It sounds like more than just alcohol. He was on something else. And the fact that he would ram into the back of your car and behave like this in front of your son, speaks volumes. Get out of there, girl, while you still can.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 07:39 AM   #9
    Kszan
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Posts: 5,245
    Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    A normal person would never ram a car like that. Most men, even if they are drunk, would not ram their own car because they know it would cost them a lot of money to fix it. And besides, how would you explain that to the insurance company? No, this is completely abormal behavior, which is why you really need to get yourself and your son out of this situation ASAP!! I don't think you should wait any longer. Now it's just the car, but what's going to happen next time??? I don't think you should stick around to find out.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 07:45 AM   #10
    apple_juice
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Posts: 987
    apple_juice HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    this is completely abormal behavior.

    Strip clubs? Again? Lying, again?
    Calling you his ex wife? Mashing up your car? He said he was going to hit you?
    This is painful to hear. You must be very upset, I do feel for you.
    But I hope you find the courage to leave this situation before it gets any worse- because it will get worse. He will end up hurting you a lot more.
    Is their anyone you can rely on for help and support? Family? A good friend?
    If he isn't going to move out, then I suggest you do. I know it isn't fair, but trust me, it will be for the best.
    I would seek counselling asap because this will help you see the situation clearer.
    Start the divorce and don't look back. Easier said than done, but you need to realise this is only going to get worse. Yes, it can get worse.
    I wish you luck. Please do let us know what you will decide to do.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 09:38 AM   #11
    DebM412
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: Washington, USA
    Posts: 393
    DebM412 HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    The situation is not going to change. When he knows that you are serious he says what you want to hear. He will go back and go back again. I would hate to know that the next thing he physically hurts is YOU and/or YOUR SON! This is it, go see an attorney and have the attorney serve him papers along with a restraining order.
    I know of someone who did this and in time it straightened up the husband. Until you take real action nothing is going to change for the good. I am concerned for you and your sons well being!

    Deb

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 09:59 AM   #12
    Nina000
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: The UK
    Posts: 1,314
    Nina000 HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    Oh Please take this seriously. This mix of drugs, drink and sex is DESTRUCTIVE, and I assure you that he will not change if you take him back. Unfortunately, next time the nighbours might call the police or he might end up attacking you. He needs to understand he is behaving outrageously and he won't get it in your house. Apart from wasting money and showing huge disrespect to you and his son, he is putting you in risk of STDs This is horrible.
    I had an Alcoholic ex who used to cause similar scenes.....and I kept on taking him back. One night he broke my arm pushing me out of his way out to the pubs and only then I learnt what a waste of time !...Many crimes happen unintended and you have to stay safe. This is someone who is happy to pay to get mental and perhaps disease ridden...you can't live with someone violent like that. If you truly want to help him then you have to kick him out and make him experience losing you. This might let him think again. He can destroy one life but he can't destroy THREE people's lives (including your kid). Please kick him out, even for a while.

     
    Old 01-22-2008, 01:07 PM   #13
    Ms_ENV27
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Location: Sunny California
    Posts: 484
    Ms_ENV27 HB User
    Re: Husband went back to the strip club a few days ago.

    All I can say i'm very glad that you're aware there are some strip clubs who offer prostitution. You have no idea how many women don't know that. Spending $500 on JUST lap dances and drinks? PUUUULEAASE!!! most lap dances go for about $20, right? soo yeah that's a lot of dances.. lol..

    If he really wanted to make a change and go to church he would of done it a long time ago when he knew he had a problem, and i'm sure deep down he knew he had a problem. You threaten to kick him out and he tells you he wants to go to church. Funny, cause if he never got caught, church would be the last thing he would be saying he wants to do.

    I wish you luck in whatever decision you make. I think you know what to do. Or he needs to make some huge life changes. But ya know what would bother me if I were in your shoes? I'd be so weary on him actually changing because how all of a sudden is just going to not want to go to the stripclubs and lie to you. He may want to change, but he sure also still loves those dancers.. hmm..

    And my boyfriend has been really depressed about his brother cause hes on drugs or what not..but he doesn't go to the strip club, he confides in me. What the hell is a stripper going to do about his problems with his brother? What a lame excuse ...

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Help! Caught husband at strip club last night! Bigirlsdontcry Relationship Health 40 01-02-2008 08:02 AM
    Jealousy at the strip club minnesotagirl Relationship Health 77 05-25-2006 02:54 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:07 AM.





    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!