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  • No Time/Energy/Passion for a Relationship? T/J of Micro

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    Old 02-07-2008, 12:29 PM   #1
    rioream
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    Question No Time/Energy/Passion for a Relationship? T/J of Micro

    I just read Micro's thread re: "Not ready for a relationship" and I'm starting to wonder if my situation isn't getting close to that...

    I'm fully expecting to meet with my GF tonight and for her to say she either wants to take a break from us, or she wants to break up entirely.
    If you read my other thread "GF is questioning our relationship and I don't know why" you can see the whole story, but currently it seems she is suffering from...

    1) Lots of work-related stress. She has a new business starting that will require more time and energy to build as she tries to segue out of her current job.
    2) Previous health issues - we spent the last 5 months dealing with one health problem after another on her end. I can sense she feels numb and overloaded with the stress that has brought on her. She even postponed our engagement for a date when she was feeling better.
    3) The idea that I need more of her time and energy than she needs from me. Of course, this could be directly related to #1 and #2 above - if she's busy worrying about all of that, she can't worry about time for me, and so I come off as needing it more than her. It wasn't always like that; we got along great and had a very passionate and loving start to our relationship (after 2 years of being best friends).
    4) Fear about getting married, living together, etc. in light of all of the above, but also in light of her very independent streak and worry that if we get married and live together, she will lose the ability to live her life and have her alone time and her friends. We've talked many times about it and I've promised it could work, but...easier said than done.

    I'm just now coming to the realization that she probably would love to be happy and healthy in a relationship with me, but just can't give it right now. This is the one "pressure' on her - as all relationships are some form of 'pressure' - that she can control, while she is in less control of the others.

    Unfortunately, it means that my feelings get crushed in the meantime - I love her and want to marry her, and the idea that we're drifting apart and may not end up together is not something I like to deal with. We're so compatible and share so many of the same views on life - and we're very much intertwined professionally, as we run two musical groups together...even if we split up we have to see and talk to each other about business.

    I guess I need to get comfortable with the idea that she wants to cool off, at the least, and wants to break it off at the most.
    Perhaps she needs the break to figure out the direction of her life, and doesn't need the pressure from me complicating things - even if that pressure is purely imagined and is her own expectations of what she should be contributing to the relationship.

    This hurts immensely - and I hope I'm wrong about her wishes - but considering how things have been, she's not happy, and frankly I'm not either. I'll be more unhappy if she calls it off, but I will have to face the reality that I can't control that, and I'll have to live my life without her and move on and possibly find a new love someday.

    Or, a few months of freedom to do what she needs to do may be just the ticket for her to feel strong enough to come back together. I'm willing to wait that long - and it's not like I'll never see her, we still have to "work" together - but only time will tell, I suppose.

    We'll see what the evening brings

    Last edited by rioream; 02-07-2008 at 12:37 PM.

     
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