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  • my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

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    Old 04-07-2008, 01:27 PM   #46
    ladyluck27
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    I'll jump in too...

    I feel your pain. Honestly it seems like he may be playing you two against each other. If she does not like you for some reason, he is the only one who could have given her the information which led to her dislike you. That means alot, especially considering you two have not met.

    Some people can remain friends after a relationship (Usually if it ends amicably), some people can not (Usually if it ends badly). The point is you expressed your feelings to him, whether your view points differ or not...it's not about changing him it's about reciprocation and compromise. The least he could do is not talk about her to you and not talk to her about you.

    I'd see how things go for the next month or so and come to a resolution soon for my own sanity.

     
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    Old 04-07-2008, 01:53 PM   #47
    StenoLady1
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    Wow. I had to re-read your first post and the date of it because I couldn't believe this was still going on!

    Listen. You're two months into this relationship. This is the serious ga-ga/honeymoon/Cinderella/Prince Charming time. Instead of going to the ball in a pumpkin, you're "spending hours" arguing about his ex and how she'll be the only one he'll ever truly love.

    Move on. If this is the ga-ga stage, what's this guy going to be like in, say, five years when you really expect his heart and soul to be there for you?

    And have some fun with your departure. Have you inspected his penis? If not, I'd say it's high time to do so and make sure you compare every single ridge, wrinkle, lump, curve, inch & hair to the best lover you've ever had in your life. Hopefully you'll be able to spend a few hours "agreeing to disagree" after you're finished comparing him to "the one you shouldn't have let get away."

    Last edited by StenoLady1; 04-07-2008 at 02:02 PM.

     
    Old 04-07-2008, 04:52 PM   #48
    shorti
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by completeopposit View Post
    Accept that about my story and this thread or move on. If you can't understand where I'm coming from (and there's nothing wrong with that) then you can't be of much help. At this point, you're simply starting to **** me off.
    you have to understand that when you come to a public forum, you have to accept that everyone has a different opinion. you cant expect the answers to be the ones that you want. i have not ignored any facts as i already said that i wouldnt be happy with my boyfriend comparing myself to his ex. after 2 months i would of moved on. this girl in his life was friends with him before he met you, so you have to accept that this is the way their friendship is. he is not going to change for you so can you accept it or not? if you cant, then move on and find a man that treats you like a queen, a man that deserves to be with you because clearly your boyfriend doesnt deserve to be with you.

     
    Old 04-07-2008, 05:59 PM   #49
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by shorti View Post
    i wouldnt be happy with my boyfriend comparing myself to his ex. after 2 months i would of moved on....he is not going to change for you so can you accept it or not? if you cant, then move on.....
    This is all true. You really need to reconsider whether this is the kind of relationship that you want. And clearly you're not happy with the situation, so I think you already realize that this guy isn't right for you. Because it's true, after 2 months, you don't really have all that much invested, so it's not like you're missing out on much anyway. It's better to ditch him now than to wait another year after you've gotten so attached that it makes it harder to leave.

     
    Old 04-07-2008, 08:52 PM   #50
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    If the relationship is only two months old then you should still be dizzily happy, not arguing about exes. There's enough time for that later!! If things aren't good now they're not going to be better later on. This guy sounds like he's showing no regard for your feelings whatsoever. He's not even trying to be tactful about his ex. No matter what their relationship is, it's the way he's treating you that stands out here, more than the ex. And then to say he's going to resent her if you end it with him - where's HIS sense of responsibility in this matter? I would move on if I were you. He's not worth it. If you're so very confident inside and out (oh lucky you) then you'll soon find someone else worthy of you.

     
    Old 04-07-2008, 09:30 PM   #51
    jo5086
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    my view. i generally find if you make an emotional plea with guys, they get annoyed. so, if i were you, I'd confront this head-on, no frills, lay-down-the law.
    I also agree with, I think the majority of responders, that being a friend to an ex is okay, and no one should have to give up a true friendship with an ex for a new partner, but these comparisons and him talking about his love for her, his confiding about you guys, and her not liking you, is STUPID and not worth it. The options I would see for myself are:
    A. if you want to put in the effort for such a new relationship,teach him how stupid his comments are (I used to make some stupid comments in relationships and only by getting them, did I realize why they shouldn't be said...if someone had explained it to me, I would have probably saved some heart-ache on both ends, but I just didn't know).
    B. Leave him. I agree with some pps, this should be your honeymoon stage.
    C. Point blank, look him in the eye and say next time he brings up how much he loves her: "Listen. I am not your therapist and I don't want to listen about your feelings for her. I am okay with your friendship but I don't want you to confide our problems to her nor do I want to hear comparisons between us."
    and leave it at that. I wouldn't argue anymore or discuss it further. I would say it casually but firmly, then go back to whatever else I was doing before. You'll probably shock him with this cool and collected but assertive approach. Its black-and-white, point blank communication with no threats, anger, or ultimatums Then wait and see what he does. if he keeps bringing her up, you pretty much know that that will be your future with him.

    hope I helped!

     
    Old 04-08-2008, 05:29 AM   #52
    motheroftwof
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    Re: my boyfriend's best friend is an ex

    I know I'm jumping in late on this thread but I just had to respond.

    His ex isn't the problem here, it's your boyfriend. He is disrepsectful in the sense of putting this "friend" on a pedistal to you. He is intentionally making you feel like you have to compete for his affection. What a loser!

    You've been with him two months and he has shown you pretty early on how he truly is. Listen to him. If you are this miserable two months in just imagine how you will be a year from now. No man is worth making you feel this disrespected and I don't know one decent woman who would stay with a man who would openly compare her to his "one and only love" (or whatever he said).

    Stop blaming the friend and the friendship, blame your boyfriend. He is the only one responsible for his actions. Don't you think you deserve better?

     
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