It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-10-2008, 08:34 AM   #1
    lovesick1
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    lovesick1's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2008
    Location: oceanside, ca
    Posts: 4
    lovesick1 HB User
    HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    I've posted here before so I will give you the short of it since you all know what it is like to live with someone who suffers from this...

    THE ANSWERS I AM LOOKING TO GET ARE WHAT ARE THE LONG TERM EFFECTS IT HAS ON ME... OR IF ANY OF YOU WHO DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS ON A DAILY BASIS IN A RELATIONSHIP...

    I have been with him for about a year and 3 months and yes we have lived together for one year and 3 months that shouldn't be a surprise to any of you because ya meet them and the next thing you know they are attached to your hip... One day single the next he seems to be moved in...

    I KNOW I should have gotten out of way back when I figured out the problem only about 2-3 month into it... But like a fool I really thought I could help and change him... Show him what like can be like as a happy person show him that he can be loved and that love is real.... But the constant verbal abuse has never gone away and I'm too the point where I just feel like things will never change...

    He was kicked out of the military for smoking weed (self medacating) he called it... And too be honest I didn't even have a problem with it beause at least when he was high he was tolerable...

    He has done and said some of the meanest things... YOU ASK WHY I STAY... the answer is I don't really know... I don't have a low self esteem I am a very good looking woman WHO WAS FULL OF LIfe.... now I am just drained....

    I FEEL AS IF HE HAS SUCKED THE LIFE RIGHT OUT OF ME... for the past 4 months I am mostly sick everyday now. nausia, fatigue, diaria and the list goes one.... But he is so sick of me being sick that I can't even mention it to him....................... HE TELLS ME IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD.... I went to the doc because I though I might be pregnet... no they did bloodwork, I had about 5 abnormalities but the 'walk in clinic' doctor perscribed me Zoloft for depression...... But I do not feel like a depressed person....

    IS HE MAKING ME CRAZY BECAUSE I SPEND EVERY WAKING SECOND WITH HIM.........

    Before I could control myself, I'm not an angry person... I don't like to fight and I don't start fights but I feel like he loves to fight and he loves to get a rize out of me and will say so many things that are not true just to see me get just as ****** off as he is....

    Now I find I am uncontroable when he starts in.... I break things, I throw things... he has gotten me so riled up I have even punched myself in the head.................. this has all started over the past month that I have been feeling out of control but it is only when he is laying in with the verbal abuse.... when I feel the rage coming on i have to leave the situtation or I would freeking loose it.............

    I want to know if anyone else is out there for me to talk too...

    I know you will all just say leave him... but it's so hard when one minute they are the perfect person but the next a monster......

    kICKED OUT OF THE MILITARY.... WAS OUT IN JAN---- NO JOB NO JOB... NO MONEY..... GOT A GOB FOR A WEEK AND GOT FIRED....NOT UNEMPLOYED AGAIN... SO IT'S GOING ON 4 MONTHS OF UNEMPLOYMENT....... AND HE DOES NOT GET AN UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK BECAUSE HE WAS KICKED OUT.... LOST ALL HIS BENIFITS FROM THE MILITARY......

    now he just sits at home and says he sends out resumes... does not cook does not clean doesn't do a god damn thing but lay of the couch.... But I am too scared to say anything to him like do something because he will just blow up at me...

    so unhealthy... if someone else way saying this to me I'd say you are nuts for staying............

    I KNOW IT'S NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR, I KNOW THAT I DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER... I GUESS WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHY I STAY... HE EVEN GETS MAD AT ME FOR BEING SICK... LIKE I LOVE BEING SO SICK TO MY STOMACH...BUT WHEN I AM HE IS JUST MEAN AND STARTS A FIGHT... and let me tell you how that is when you feel like you are going to throw up already... then he adds more stress...



    SICK OF LOVE
    LOVESICK

    Last edited by lovesick1; 04-10-2008 at 08:56 AM. Reason: misspell see

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 04-10-2008, 10:02 AM   #2
    Pri Lily
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2007
    Location: Canada
    Posts: 1,096
    Pri Lily HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    Oh, man.....what do I say to you.

    I am borderline myself, and so was my Mom. So I've been on the giving, and receiving ends of the abuse.

    I think you do have low self esteem. If you didn't, his words wouldn't have any effect on you.

    He has sucked the life out of you, but you have allowed him to do it.

    I understand where you're trying to show him that he can be loved, and that the love is real. It is and always will be an uphill battle.

    He very much needs help, but with the sound of his attitude, I don't think that he will see that he needs help, and will say that you need help.

    DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE RAGE YOU FEEL...HE IS WINDING YOU UP TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER. YOU WILL GET YOURSELF IN TROUBLE, AND HE WILL WALK AWAY SCOTT FREE.

    That's exactly what's happening....he is crucifying you, so that he can make himself feel better. He will go after the most hurtful thing he can think of, to maintain his own self image. Ignore it!

    As far as being sick....it's all about us...didn't you know that? There's no room for anybody else's problems....no time.

    And as far as getting a job goes....he might...but probably not for long. His attitude doesn't sound very work oriented at the moment.

    So, there you have it....I didn't say go, I didn't say stay. Only you can decide that.

    Don't expect him to change ANYTHING any time soon. If you want changes, you are going to have to make them, to yourself.

    If you're going to stay, I would suggest making a plan.....if he does this, I will do this....if he does that, I will do that. It has to be different than what you've been doing. AND YOU HAVE TO STICK TO IT, NO EXCEPTIONS. He has to get the idea that you aren't putting up with what you've been doing. AND DO NOT ENGAGE IN FIGHTS....WALK AWAY. He will step it up for a bit, and it will be rough, but in time, things might actually settle down a bit.

    Enough!

    good luck....

    Lil

     
    Old 04-10-2008, 10:21 AM   #3
    AnnD
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Posts: 2,366
    AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    Well sweetie he isn't the sick one you are. He knows what is wrong with him and he is quite happy to have company in his world. Even psychiatric units never admit more than a couple of borderlines because they will sabotage everyones treatment and the whole ward will suffer. There is a cure but you seem to like right where you are...there must be a payoff for you to stay ..you can argue with that all you want but there is a reason for everything you are doing. Sorry but the only cure for you is to leave and then you will get better. Those antidepressants won't help.

     
    Old 04-10-2008, 11:23 PM   #4
    trg247
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    trg247's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: ontario
    Posts: 3,762
    trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    If a person with BPD wants to change and embrace the disorder then anything is possible. The problem is most people with BPD will never get diagnosed as they do not believe anything is wrong with their thought process namely because it is all they know. Unfortunately for a lot of people they come to realize their ill thinking when they hit rock bottom as when is everything is running smoothly then there is no need to question the logic, keep in mind chaos is normal in a BPD world.

    The advice given is pretty good. If your partner wants to change then there might be a future but if he is unable or unwillingly to admit there is a problem then chances are nothing will ever change
    __________________
    Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Generalized Anxiety Disorder

    Current Meds
    Pristiq
    Cymbalta
    Seroquel
    Temazapam

     
    Old 05-02-2008, 08:33 PM   #5
    garylovesnadja
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    garylovesnadja's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Tucson Arizona USA
    Posts: 28
    garylovesnadja HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    This relationship has made you as sick as him. Your sickness is causing you to perceive him as alternately, perfect and then monstrous. Do you see how polar opposite these two perceptions are? This is from your own description. In reality, most of us are neither perfect nor hideous; we're simply struggling souls, trying to get thru life and hopefully be the best people we can be. My guess would be that you tend to idealize people you like, to an unrealistic degree, assigning them attributes no-one could possibly live up to, and for those you don't like, they become unrealistically awful. And since you alternately love and hate this guy, he has become for you both an absolute angel and demon, all rolled into one screaming crazy package, that causes in you the total heights as well as bottomless pits, on a daily basis. At this point in time, you are addicted to this emotional roller coaster, and without some major insight on your part, probably by working with a counselor, you stand little chance of getting off of it. And this guy is playing you like a fiddle, a Stradivarius, if I may say. He is feeding off of your reactions to his craziness, and gaining strength from it.Until you can get to the point where you don't both idolize AND demonize him, and simply see that here is a very sick individual who is also making YOU sick, and then move away from that, there is very little, probably nothing, that will change.

     
    Old 12-08-2008, 09:36 AM   #6
    cmarie64
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    cmarie64's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2008
    Location: chattanooga
    Posts: 3
    cmarie64 HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    I can SO relate to how you feel! Are you still with this person?

     
    Old 01-06-2010, 12:24 PM   #7
    luckychick14
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    luckychick14's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Location: Pecos, Texas, USA
    Posts: 1
    luckychick14 HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    Hey dude i know exactly how you feel its like i have meet some1 in the same exact situation as me...my boyfriend, he gets mad over everything and then the next minute he is the perfect boyfriend...at first we thought he was just bi polar but now his parents made him go to rehab, and his therepist suggested that he had BPD and so i looked it up and i found out what it was and i have now realized now there is a reson he always treats me like ****. I read your profile thing about your boyfriend, everything about him from the weed smoking to the fights its EXACTLY how it is with us and every1 just tells me to leav him but i cant cuz i love him ALOT...and when people ask me why i dont leav him i say idk...but please reply to me cuz i made this account just to reply and talk to you about this cuz just like u i have been in search for some one who knows how i feel...

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to luckychick14:
    Rc05 (01-21-2011)
    Old 01-06-2010, 12:27 PM   #8
    Redneon82
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Redneon82's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2007
    Location: California
    Posts: 2,093
    Redneon82 HB User
    Re: HELP!!! My boyfriend has borderline personality disorder

    This is a year and a half old thread, so it's unlikely you will get a response from the original poster. But perhaps someone else can help you.
    __________________
    "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

     
    Closed Thread




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:15 PM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!