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    Old 04-22-2008, 02:54 PM   #1
    emma j
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    Thought i'd update

    Hi all,
    Last time i posted was around easter time and it was how my bf had just out of nowhere ended it. people on here said he sounded mentally and emotionally unstable and i toally agreed.
    So in the 2 weeks that i was home ( i was home from uni) we kinda talked. had had enough. i wanted no more to do with him, but then feelings and love step in the way.
    So we didn't speak for a few days then i get the i miss you, i love you txts. The following day he's ringing and ringing and ringing..telling me he wants me back nd loves me blah blah. So i meet up with him one night to talk. The talk resulted in him admiting he went a lil loppy. He knew that he has issues in his head. that his mind was a merri-go-round and he didn't know why he changed him mind so much. I thought FINALLY!!! he said hethougt he should get professional help.
    Two days went by with no word.Then i'm online and i get a mgs sayig hewas sorry for everything that he'd leave me alone. blah blah. i asked why on earth did you ask me to get back with you then. why aren't you fighting for me. He said he felt he moved the goalposts to much to fight for me..We meet an hour later. spoke, he kissed me and well one thing led to another!!!
    I know your all prob thinking silly silly emma but i'm in love with this guy and i can't help it. So this was on a thursay. we spent fri, sat and sun together bother agreeing that we wouldn't get bck together just yet that we needed to sort stuff. The only reason i agreed is cos i "thought" things wouldbe different now that he finally realised his head is messed.
    So i go back to uni. we stay in touch.things are grand. the following week he comes to see me for a few days. things are amazing..he tells me we're broken up to long. lets get back together. i love you..i want you forever..He leaves and i go home for a few days as a surprise and he's so happy, we're so happy. So he drops me back to the airport and pulls over half way...kisses me, tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me andt ht he'll spend the rest of his life shwoing me how much i mean to him..fast forward a week(yesterday) he ends it AGAIN.
    Like what the hell. claims he lost his phone of friday but later said he lied. he rng on the thursday night told me he loved me missed me and good night. nexday its like he changed.
    So, unlike last time i've completely blocked him off everything and i'm changing my number next week. i'm in peieces but feel more releaved cos i wanted to end it. i'm not gonna give him any way to contact me..not again. i feel stronger.
    i'm just so confused..what on earth is going on in his mind..like last time, nothng happened..he just ended it out of the blue. told me yesterday to either chill out or ****** off. how dare he talk to me likethat.
    So today i wasn't so good. ended up going to see the counseller at uni and started cying and had a cry to one of my tutors.. she was very understaning. i have my dissertation due next monday and because of e last month or so i've done nothing. so i've an appointment tomorrow to see if i can get a small extension cos she said u can't work when your like this..she was great.

    So thats tat. i know i've said it before but i'm done..he has NO respect for me nd its only now that i'm seeing it and what a fool i've been to let someone like that treat me so horrible. i deserve better. So expect some threads over te next few days...you guys gotta keep me strong.
    x
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    Old 04-23-2008, 04:40 AM   #2
    happymom28
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    I really hope you stick to your guns here emma! This is who he is and no amount of love on your end will change that. Stay strong.

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 04:52 AM   #3
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Thanks happymom. yes i'm determind to stick to my guns this time. This is exactly who he is and he is never going to change. i deserve so much more.
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    Old 04-23-2008, 07:15 AM   #4
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    You Do deserve better. I hope you aren't just telling yourself that, but really believe it. WHY he is doing all this is anyones guess. Maybe he is one of those guys who when he starts to feel very emotional toward someone has to back off. TELLING you he loves you and actually FEELING that love for you is two different things. It's probably easy to say it, but hard for him to handle the actual emotion when it becomes intense.

    Regardless of the "why" the fact that he is putting you through this rollercoaster of "he loves me, he loves me not" is not fair to you. It doesn't sound as if he is mature enough to commit to a relationship that is long standing. I think he needs to play the field for a while, but may never be ready for marriage. I hope you stick to your guns to move on, you don't need this drama in your life when you are trying to better your education and make a life for yourself.

    Remember that everyday this will get easier for you.

    Mileena

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 07:34 AM   #5
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Hi Mileena,
    Thanks for the post. Well its twenty past 3 an i'm still in bed.. i feel crap today. I just wish that horrible sick feeling in my tummy would go..then i'd be fine. i'm to angry rght now to be missing him.
    I do deserve better. Much better than the waste of space that he was.
    The other day i felt like i nver wanna speak to him again, i still feel like that but the question of WHY is now just consuming my head. I just don't get it. Literally overnight his actions, thoughts just changed. SO when he does come crawling back. i'm gonna ignore him..but after mabe a day i want to know WHY..that will be my closure. After that, i just don't care what he does. He can go and screw some other girls head over.

    "TELLING you he loves you and actually FEELING that love for you is two different things" this is the only one thing i'm prepared to defend him on. I do believe that he loved me and at some points when he said he wanted to marry me and be with me forever he meant it, or maybe he thought he meant it but really he desn't know what he wants. he's to screwed up.

    He had a very not nice childhood and i firmly believe this is what has made him what he is now.. its like he just runs.. well he can run all he likes now.

    "I think he needs to play the field for a while" This is all he did bfore he got with me. said that he was a changed man since meeting me..hate to think what i changed him into!!!!

    I'm just deading going home next week, i really am. i ws only going home for him, for his birthay.. we had so much planned(great i'm crying now!!!) a lovely big meal with his family.. But i'll find someone who treats me so much better
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    Last edited by emma j; 04-23-2008 at 07:43 AM.

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 07:42 AM   #6
    Christine73
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    That horrible 'it's the end of the world' feeling WILL pass!! We have all been there and know what its like.

    You are doing the right thing, no contact is the best way to get over someone, really, trust me.

    Ask yourself this: how many times do you want to have this feeling? Might as well get it over and done with now once and for all than to keep having to go through it..be strong, in a couple of months you'll start forgetting about him and can move on

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 07:45 AM   #7
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    I know that i'll be ok cos i know that what he gave me wasn't what i sserved.. Sure he was good to me but that was only 25% of the time. The rest was mad up of his jealousy, paranoia, erattic behviour and total lack of sense.
    Yes i may be in love with him..but is this the price i have to pay for being in love withsomeone..no way..
    So the hell with him..
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    Old 04-23-2008, 07:52 AM   #8
    niknak77
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Oh, Emma. He's such a basket case. You didn't change him into anything, only he can change him. Whatever he is, is the person of his own making. Keep strong. You will have your angry days and you will have your sad days, just keep your chin up and stay strong. Eventually you will think of him less and less until one you realize that you went all day or week and didn't even think of him once. There is someone out there who will one day show you what it is like to be loved completely and unconditionally. Just like you deserve. For now just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time. Best wishes and ((hugs)). Good luck on your dissertation.

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 07:55 AM   #9
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Ha basket case...perfect.
    I feel so much better for coming on here.. alot stonger. i feel strong now but i know give it a few days..but i'm ok with that..
    I#m preparing myself for when he eventually txts me, cos he will. its like his pattern. i've gota be so strong and ignore him..This cycle won't end...
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    Old 04-23-2008, 08:01 AM   #10
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    If I were you I wouldn't even read the texts, I would just delete them. In the end it doesn't matter what he says, if you are done, you are done. His words mean nothing anymore, if they ever really did. But that is just me. Do what's best for you.

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 08:03 AM   #11
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    No, actually your totally right.. His words don't mean anything anymore and i was a fool to think they meant somethig when we where together..I know i'll see him name and feel sick and shakey but i'll just delete them.. they won't do me any good to read them
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    Old 04-23-2008, 08:28 AM   #12
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma j View Post
    The other day i felt like i nver wanna speak to him again, i still feel like that but the question of WHY is now just consuming my head. I just don't get it. Literally overnight his actions, thoughts just changed. SO when he does come crawling back. i'm gonna ignore him..but after mabe a day i want to know WHY..that will be my closure. After that, i just don't care what he does. He can go and screw some other girls head over.
    Emma, I just wanted to tell you that it's possible that you may never get that closure. Sometimes these things just happen and we never get to find out WHY, so we have to find our own closure in time, and then eventually we get over it.

    When my last bf and I broke up, I didn't find out until a month later that he had cheated. But I had zero contact with him the entire time, so I didn't want to rehash everything and ask him why he cheated, so I just had to do my best to get my own closure. It's been like 8 months and I still have no idea what the hell really happened, but I may never find out, and that's just something I have to live with. Because to be perfectly honest, after 8 months of zero contact, I have no desire to ever speak to him or see him again, and that's how it should be. Maybe someday I'll find out, but maybe I won't. There's nothing I can do about it, so I'm just living my life and doing my own thing.

    Anyway, my point is that you shouldn't hold onto hope that you'll ever find out why he did what he did. All that's going to do is prevent you from getting on with your life, which is exactly what you need to do. Yeah it sucks that he turned out to be a swine, but it's a lesson learned and it's just another minor detour in your life, which in a few years you'll look back on it and probably forget his name. Or at least when you look back it's not going to hurt anymore like it does now.

    And there's not much you can do to get over this any faster, it really just takes time to get over heartbreak. But the more you do to keep yourself busy with other stuff, the less time you'll have to think about him and what he did. So, stay busy as much as you can and just do your own thing. That's really all you can do at this point.

    Last edited by Kszan; 04-23-2008 at 08:29 AM.

     
    Old 04-23-2008, 10:58 AM   #13
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    Hi Kszan,
    Thanks for your reply. It made alot of sense and really helped.

    The closure thing..If i know him like i think i know him and how my friends think he will react, he will get in touch with me saying he's sorry and he went "loppy" again. I know that he will get in touch giving me his excuse and if he does then he does i get my closure but ya know what if he doesn't then feck it, he doesn't. I'll just stick with we weren't meant to be and that he just didn't deserve me and his loss.

    He knows that i'm home next week and i know that he'll get in touch and want to meet. but i'm simply not going to. i'm not going to put myself out their again, certainly not for him.

    I'll keep you all updated!!!.
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    Old 04-24-2008, 01:45 PM   #14
    emma j
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    hey, well not feeling as strong as i have been. i'm sitting here in tears just feel so down..
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    Old 04-24-2008, 02:24 PM   #15
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    Re: Thought i'd update

    I'm sorry you are feeling down, but it's ok to be down. I went through a bad breakup and I just kept giving myself permission to cry and feel awful, which I did. Then, gradually, the feelings started to fade until it didn't hurt anymore. It might take 6 weeks or 6 months, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are not weak, you are human with natural human emotions. Is there any activity or people who automatically make you feel good when you are doing it or are with them? Do you have a terrific friend, family member, etc. who can always make you smile? Try to do something fun, or spend time with someone who cares about you and is fun to be around. Eat ice cream or chocolate, watch a funny movie, anything that you enjoy because it's ok to pamper yourself for a little while. Then, get out there! And whatever you do, do not give in to any temptations to call or text or e-mail him, or drive by because all that will do is prolong the hurt and possibly give you false hope. This guy is an emotional abuser and you don't need to be abused!

     
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