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  • My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

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    Old 05-15-2008, 07:19 AM   #1
    Graciella
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    My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    i'm 27 - dad was unfaithful to my mom 30 years ago when they had just gotten married - honor was big back then, so nobody knew about their secret and she stuck with him out of pride and she had nowhere else to go and she never forgave him
    now she's looked for a guy on the internet, went to see him, kissed him, and told my dad she wants to leave because she doesn't love him and never has
    i'm torn, my dad cries all the time, he said she his other half how can she do that...i'm so sorry for him, she's always nagged him and didn't appreciate him because he wasn't that kind of man to always give her gifts, take her to dinner and dress well....
    i have a hard time talkin' to mom about her plans i can't believe those words are coming out of her mouth...i can't be there for her although i should
    it hurts

     
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    Old 05-15-2008, 07:49 AM   #2
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    I'm sorry this is happening. I know that even though we're adults, we still want to think our parents are perfect and will always be together and will always be there for us.

    Even though it hurts, I think it's important to try to not take sides. One thing you have to remember, you may know your dad very very well, but that doesn't mean you know your mother's husband. The two aren't necessarily the same. My father was unfaithful to my mother in the early early stages of their marriage as well, and that set the tone for the rest of the marriage. My mother was never happy with my father, and she always told me, the marriage is never, ever the same after infidelity. You can forgive it, you can go on, but it's just never the same, that third person is there in the marriage forever. Perhaps this is how your mom felt. Your dad, as hard as it is to accept, messed up big time, and quite possibly killed the love your mom felt for him, perhaps forever.

    But wouldn't you rather have your mom happy and with someone she can trust and love rather than being miserable stuck in a marriage with someone who she feels betrayed her so badly she can never forgive him? Don't both your parents deserve better than that? I'm sorry for your dad, too, but your mom deserves to be happy, too, and she just isn't with your dad. She can't stay with him just because he's crying. Perhaps the reason you never saw her appreciate him and saw her nag him was because the infidelity just crushed what they started out with. I don't know, but I do know it's never easy. Perhaps you should try to cut your mom some slack. It's not all her fault. What goes on between two people is very complicated, and it's not fair or even accurate to say to your mom "if you had just had more love in your heart, and just been more accepting, you'd both be happy still." It's just not that easy. Hang in there.

     
    Old 05-15-2008, 09:55 AM   #3
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    because i can't be as objectively, i think it's best if i leave them alone to work it out as a couple and not as my parents in my eyes
    i have to stay away...

     
    Old 10-29-2008, 07:23 AM   #4
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    i just wanted to let u all know that they haven't split
    they are still together, sometimes not on good terms but it's still surviving...

     
    Old 10-29-2008, 07:32 AM   #5
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    So, what happened to the man on the internet?

    I am happy for both of them and YOU if they can work this out and make it work. Maybe your dad needed an eye opener to start working toward making your mom happy. I am not big on gifts...I could care less if I get them or not, but I know that it does matter to some women, and it takes such little effort on a mans part to pick up roses and candy once in a while. Esp, if he knows it matters.

    I wish you all luck!

    Mileena

     
    Old 10-29-2008, 08:05 AM   #6
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    my dad actually spoke to the guy and told him he's breaking up a marriage and that guy said he didn't want to do that because at first my mom presented herself as separated ...anyway, it's a long story
    but she's saying she's been trying to stop talkin' to him online altough my dad now is always questioning that, it's so easy to take a break at work and send an e-mail, right....but we'll see...

     
    Old 10-29-2008, 10:56 AM   #7
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    But your mom wasnt' happy in the marriage before this guy came along, right? She never forgave him, and hasn't really loved him for a long time, so it's not really true to say this guy is breaking up the marriage. The marriage was already broken long before he came along. So your mom has decided to stay in this unhappy, miserable marriage with a man she doesn't love?

     
    Old 10-29-2008, 11:38 AM   #8
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    I can absolutely understand a woman staying in a marriage even if she doesn't love the man anymore. She probably felt like she had to give her children a home...but now you kids are grown and she can finally leave. Women do this all the time. Does she have money of her own...if not that's probably why she is wanting to jump into a relationship with another man...she may need someone to take care of her? She's probably now torn between doing what she wants to do and doing with everyone else wants her to do. It's sad when someone wants to leave a bad marriage and you have all these people telling you what you should do. I've been there! It feels like people are tearing you limb from limb. I also absolutely understand her not forgiving an affair that happened years ago. It's amazing how vivid old memories can be! YIKES! Also been there!!!!!! All you can do is offer help if she asks for it and to be there for her if she needs you. You cannot tell her what she should do.
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    Old 10-29-2008, 12:15 PM   #9
    Graciella
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    Re: My Mom Is Leaving My Dad

    well me and my mom don't talk so much anymore lately
    u're right that probably she's torn between leaving and staying because of what family will think, but she's not leaving my dad because she doesn't believe in divorce or at least never thought it would happen to her and also because she would blame herself for the rest of her life, that's just the way she is. she'd go on a guilt trip especially that my dad would go insane and probably would crawn in a corner and get depressed (he also doesn't believe in divorce, especially after 30 years).
    and i didn't encourage and never will encourage her relationship on whatever level with that man, because she was doing this while still with dad. i think if you have any respect for you and your family you first have to get out and then do whatever you want but don't do it with your husband in the house, that's a disgrace.
    anyway, there's struggle with or without a partner i guess...

     
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