It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

  • ExBoyfriend passed away..Now dont want current boyfriend..

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 06-20-2008, 11:39 AM   #1
    Junior Member
    twotulips's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 36
    twotulips HB User
    ExBoyfriend passed away..Now dont want current boyfriend..

    My ex passed away a month ago.We had dated for three years.He was my first love.We were still friends.Si had just talked to him a week before.He meant alot to me when we were together.Us breaking up hurt me very deeply.He was still these for me 100% and I know he wanted to get back together one day but I am with someone else who I love and I just didnt really think we would ever get back together.He died in a bad accident a little while ago and for some reason now I just have really bad thoughts about my current boyfriend of two years.I absolutely adored him before.I thought he was the one for me and now its almost like I hate him.Ive never had feelings like this towards him but now it seems like everything he does makes me mad or annoyed and I feel unsure if I even want him anymore.Why would I feel like this towards a guy who I was looking at engagement rings with not too loong ago? Im 22 and my ex was 24 when he died,if that helps.I just need to know why Im feeling so hateful towards my boyfriend.Is it guilt? What can I do ! HELP

    Sponsors Lightbulb
    Old 06-20-2008, 08:45 PM   #2
    Senior Veteran
    Mileena42's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Alabama
    Posts: 778
    Mileena42 HB User
    Re: ExBoyfriend passed away..Now dont want current boyfriend..

    You have been through a very tramatic experience, you lost someone you loved very much and have known a long time. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. You do it the best you can to live through it.

    Why you are feeling the way you are toward your current boyfriend is more than likely just a reaction to what you have gone through. I believe it will pass when you begin to heal, however if you can't deal with it now...why not ask for a short time away to get your head together? It's only been a month......does your BF know the pain you are going through? Is he aware of what this man meant to you? If he isn't then maybe that is why you feel this you feel you aren't getting sympathy for your loss?

    It takes close to a year to begin to truly heal from a major loss like this.....a month isn't near enough time for you to be thinking rationally. Do you have someone close to you whom you can talk with, who might have known what this death meant to you? If not, please find someone, talking helps to heal.

    I am sorry that you are hurting, and sorry that you lost somone you love. Please seek the help you need to begin to heal.


    Old 06-20-2008, 09:19 PM   #3
    Senior Veteran
    elatedgiraffe's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 1,783
    elatedgiraffe HB User
    Re: ExBoyfriend passed away..Now dont want current boyfriend..

    I want to say I'm sorry for your loss. My best friend went through the exact situation a couple years back and I can only imagine how you are feeling. She was with her ex for 4 years off and on. He died in a car accident at the age of 24 and although they were broke up at the time she too felt that oneday they would get back together; he was her first love. She actually took a couple years off from dating. I can say that her range of emotions were all over the place..from anger to sadness to rage to calm. I bet you can relate? Its one thing having an elderly person in our family pass away, but when in our 20's..we think we are invinsible and in noway did you ever think this man would leave this earth so early at the age of 24. He had his whole life ahead of him and even though you are in a 2 year relationship; theres always possibility when 2 people are still alive and breathing....with all that said. I think 2 things are either going on with you. One, you are angry and have all kinds of emotions going on right now and are acting out irrationally with you boyfriend. Two, maybe the death of your ex made almost made you have a re-birth in which you don't feel like your boyfriend is the one for you anymore. Death changes us and I can say I have never been the same after my best friend went through this as I was close to her ex-boyfriend as well. Its something that changes us for life. Don't be hard on yourself right now. I suggest some counseling to help sort out all these feelings. You may need a break from the boyfriend right now to take care of you and sort yourself out. If hes the one for you, he'll be there still when and if you are ready you know? Everything you are going through right now is so normal..and as for my friend; she started dated and is engaged to a great guy and has put her ex-boyfriend to rest, literally. She will always love him but she has learned to live here without him around....I can tell you it was not easy and it took a good year for her emotions to become grounded again; but she is a more loving, stronger and beautiful woman than before. So, do for you right now. Take care of you. Do whats best for are going through a tough time.

    Old 06-20-2008, 09:20 PM   #4
    Senior Member
    Niclolu's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2008
    Location: USA
    Posts: 137
    Niclolu HB User
    Re: EX boyfriend passsed away.Need Help

    Hi. Sounds like you have some underlying issues that you need to deal with and at the least, talk to someone about it. Perhaps you are transferring your anger to your boyfriend or maybe you are angry at losing your ex and you resent your current boyfriend for not being your ex. Maybe you need time to mourn and you feel you can't around your boyfriend and you feel guilty. I do not walk in your shoes so I cannot say why you are feeling this way.

    What I do know is that it is easier to feel anger than it is to feel pain. In our pain, we look for things to make us angry/irritated so we do not have to deal with what we are really feeling or have a fear about.

    What do you think?

    Old 06-21-2008, 04:35 PM   #5
    Senior Veteran
    Join Date: Apr 2007
    Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
    Posts: 3,933
    pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
    Re: ExBoyfriend passed away..Now dont want current boyfriend..

    Originally Posted by twotulips View Post
    ...What can I do ! HELP
    I am sorry for the death of this young man and I am sorry for what you are going through. But I believe you will come out stronger.

    I don't know if one is allowed to post poetry on this board. I will take the risk. It's a very short poem, actually, but it highlights a point. I don't


    Ok, this was off-topic.

    Well, I think there are at least two things you can do:

    a) Especially if you haven't attended his funeral, you could as well go to his grave, say a prayer, read a letter, make amends to him, say good-bye, weep, apologize, forgive, meditate, whatever you feel like doing. Take your time. Stay as long as adequate. I think this is a very important step in the mourning process you are going through and possibly you will feel better afterwards.

    b) Talk to your current boyfriend about your pain. You can't be hiding it from him all the time. Reassure him, but decide with him the best arrangement for both of you now. Perhaps this isn't something for you to decide alone, but with his support and understanding.

    Best to you.

    Last edited by M08; 06-21-2008 at 08:21 PM. Reason: Per posting rules, do not post poems/stories whether your own or someone else's.

    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    High school love passed away.. Kim 87 Relationship Health 8 03-16-2010 11:07 AM
    Please Read If You Dad Passed Away This Afternoon. IZZY'SMOM Chronic Pain 26 08-09-2008 02:59 PM
    I just want some good conversation with my bf - how to connect on a mental level? ladyjustice Relationship Health 8 07-12-2008 01:06 PM
    has anyone been with a loved one as they passed away? presson Death & Dying 22 04-09-2007 11:40 AM
    My Mothers Drama After My Dad Passed Away DeeAnn08 Death & Dying 13 09-04-2006 06:47 PM
    HELP! Pregnant & want to break up mizvespa Relationship Health 7 12-26-2005 02:52 PM

    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off

    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:57 PM.

    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!