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  • In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

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    Old 08-13-2008, 08:00 PM   #46
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    i'm rereading the texts he sent breaking up with me and the ones i sent immediately after he broke up initally over the phone telling him i love him with all my heart, the trip will be good for him, and i wish we can figure out what would make you happier together and then this text that he wasn't up for talking but we will. im sorry....and its making me cry all over again..

     
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    Old 08-14-2008, 10:57 AM   #47
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by blue34 View Post
    i was with someone for over 3 years and he was my first serious boyfriend, the first guy i loved, first guy i was with. And he was about 10 years older too.

    I know he loved me. But i think i was young with some things didn't know how to be in a relationship or when to let things go and realize its not a big deal. I think i was a bit too controlling and picked stupid fights. And now i regret it more than ever. He tried to end once or twice before and i think me telling him but we can compromise on this or do this and it changed his mind.


    We got into a silly spat on the phone and he broke it off that night and i was very upset and crying a lot. He said he doesn't want to focus on anyone else right now and that he is tired...(probably from driving to see me on the weekends, stupid arguments etc) I told him i love him so much and it will be better. He didn't change his mind. I wrote him a text the next day apologizing for my actions, i love him with all my heart and that he will be going on a trip soon which will be good for you and after it will be a lot better (Keep in mind, this was also an issue we had because it was a 2 week bike trip and a few nights at one of those rallies that seem like a spring break for adults..i just felt very uneasy about it)

    He didn't respond to the text. 2 days later i write to him saying the things i wish i would have did and what we should have done and i wrote i truly didn't feel like i wanted it over because of the trip, it just hurt me knowing you wanted to go away without me and i wish i would have realized sooner it may be something you needed and was really important to you. And that i wish i did this and this to make him a little happier and i am sorry for making you feel this way.

    He wrote back saying i don't have anything to be sorry about and that he just isn't happy and can't even explain fully. And that he is sorry and just can't keep continue doing this. He wrote he wishes we can still talk even if we are not together. I wrote back saying i wish we can figure something out to make you happier together. It will be too hard to talk to you as a friend. I drove you away and i regret it.

    He wrote he doesnt think i drove him away and i have a right to feel how i feel and want what i want and so does he but they are just not the same things right now and he wrote he needs to make himself happy before he can make me happy.


    I feel like all this just equals: I am tired of you.

    I called the next day saying i hate how this was done over the phone and through messages and i would like to speak to get closure. He texts me saying i got your v-mail before but i am just not up for talking right now. But we will. Im sorry. That was a a month ago. And i have completely left him alone since then. We also live about 35-40 minutes away from one another so there is no potential running into one another.

    To me--its a little confusing. You can't speak to me to give me final closure and you are telling me we will? Why not just everything completely overwith if you want it over---have the conversation..i also have some things at his place..nothing major i cant live without but some clothes and odds and ends.

    I know its pathetic but it makes me hope maybe he just needs time to think and just feel better about things.

    All this was a month ago and it turns out my ex contacted my friend's boyfriend a few days ago.

    My ex met my girlfriend and her b/f a few times only...the boyfriend asked for my b/f's number. My friend's boyfriend called him a few times for us to get together etc etc while we were still together..My b/f never called him..he was usually like that with a lot of people--just letting them call him.

    My friend called me saying my ex called her b/f during the day. Her boyfriend missed the call because he was at work and called back when my friend and her boyfriend were together.

    My boyfriend is going on a 2 week trip with a few people..its a bike trip which i was not so happy about...he spoke to my friend's boyfriend and started talking to him about the trip and that he is leaving this weekend but two guys backed out, its only going to be me and one other guy. The boyfriend never mentioned me and didn't bring me up once...My ex finally said so how is my friend? And the boyfriend said, well his g/f doesn't really tell him everything thats going on with this and then my friend said she's ok..So the boyfriend said she is alright on the phone. After a minute or two they hung up and my friend called me to let me know what happened

    she thinks its a sign of him wanting to get back together..she said why would he call him? she thinks he called just to get some information about me because he is not used to not hearing from me...my friend said its also weird how he spoke about the trip and him leaving this weekend and mentioning 2 of them backed out..almost like he is saying it isnt going to be this big party that i was thinking...ALSO--i felt like he may have wanted me to know when he was leaving..we broke up before i knew the exact date and i remember saying to him one or two times, you need to give me the date.

    i am more negative with my thinking...and i am thinking he used the expression so how is my friend? My g/f said its just an expression and he was talking to a guy--he isn't gonna be so sappy about it

    i am also thinking maybe he was just concerned if i was ok or he felt guilty and hearing that im "alright" he can just go on now and not feel guilty or now truly know its over because im alright...and have an even better time on his trip

    my friend said she doesnt think a guy would put himself out there like that---to call an ex girlfriend's friend's boyfriend...she said he has a lot of pride and an ego and he called him..and it must have took a lot to make that phone call and ask about me

    she thinks giving him a neutral answer of she's alright was the best thing she could say..she didn't say i was great and she didn't say i was crying my eyes out..its a neutral answer that didn't really say much but it wasnt like she was saying she is fine without you.


    i want to hope this may be a sign but i dont know what to think...i was not expecting him to do this at all.

    Do you think it is probable after the trip, he may want to try to work things out? My friend's boyfriend even said he can try calling him and talking to him a little bit and maybe give a hint u guys should work things out...but i dont know if that is a good idea.

    In a lot of Pain...please write back..

    Thank You
    blue34,
    I feel for you and understand how you must feel.

    Rreading this post yes you did drive him away and like he said he's tired of it.
    I know I need my space I just got tired of my g/f being so controling and jelous and yes that drove me away from her.
    I'm not saying that this is your b/f problem but in all likely hood it is.

    Both you guys feelings should take a big concideration on this.

    I'm sure he loves you and you love him but in my opinion you need to give him his space, its nice to have friends but this is something that only you two can work out, you need to just back off and let him be , he knows your feelings toward him...and I'm sure he knows you love him with all your heart.

    Just let him come to you let him call you, you sound really young and its better to have no doubts what so ever about your love and trust to each other.

    Hind-sights 20/20 but sometimes when we have these little spats it either makes us see our true self and help us get better and sometimes it don't. DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

    Your friends will never know how you feel inside your heart but ''he'' will trust me and only time will let that happen...giving him more space backing off and just call him if he wants you to or until things settle down a little.
    he knows how you feel so don't ''smother''him with your apologies.

    you already told him you was sorry and say things maybe you shouldn't, but you realize that you do Love him and thats about all you can do, the rest is up to him..if you don't hear from him,,,then let that tell you something...and go on with your life find someone else its going to be hard but you can do it.
    I wish you the best.

     
    Old 08-14-2008, 07:08 PM   #48
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by blue34 View Post
    wow...you are a strong person

    when did you eventually realize he wasn't calling and he never will?

    i have to say, i think that is the worst thing you can do...tell the person we will speak soon but never do it, never do anything

    i hope this isn't my case and he actually contacts me soon..

    my mother says to not contact him ever again and to forget the things i have at his place and its better to just leave him alone for good if he can't follow through and call you...

    this is my first serious heartbreak...and he knows this...thats why i keep hoping he will have the respect to follow through...

    Blue,
    It got to a point that when I did end up calling he would hang up on me. It wasn't a point that I realized he would never call again but rather a point that I realized that I deserved better; that I am not getting the answers I deserved no matter how hard I tried; and I learned to adapt to my life without him in it. He may still call; I highly doubt but until I am no longer wandering this earth there is always a chance and you know what---? I'm so over it that if he called I probably would not recognize his voice and if I realized who it was I would just hang up without a second thought, or tear, or hesitation. You will get there, blue. TIME is your friend although TIME requires patience and healing.

    Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 08-14-2008 at 07:09 PM.

     
    Old 08-15-2008, 02:03 PM   #49
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Blue,

    Have you talked with him? Texted him? It's been a few days since you updated us. How are you?

    Mileena

     
    Old 08-16-2008, 03:35 AM   #50
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe View Post
    Blue--
    The coward did not know how to let me down easy so he just ran. (We had even picked out my engagement ring).
    That's what men do.
    My ex led me on for months before taking off on his travels. He swore he would contact me when he returned. Never did.

    Blue - you have done so well not contacting him. I think you deserve a medal - most women would have given in and made some kind of contact. You have done so well, you are strong. And believe me, you have come out better on top.

     
    Old 08-16-2008, 09:26 PM   #51
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Hi Everyone,

    thanks for thinking of me. =)

    I have not contacted him.

    i think i came out like a lady in a sense...i may have cried and texted immediately afterwards but i dont regret it because he knew how i truly felt and that obviously i love him very much...i didn't continue to bother him after he wrote we will talk, and i didn't become one of those crazy ex's who almost stalk the guy..i completely disappeared..and when he called my friend's boyfriend it wasn't even like i spoke bad about him to my friends..he spoke to him nicely and said my g/f doesn't tell me much about what happened..so it shows i dont want everyone to know about this situation and how upset or arent upset i am


    I think about it in my head to text him i miss you or something along those lines..because i really do and i feel like things can be better the second time around.

    but then i reread the texts i sent him immediately after we broke up and over the next two days, me crying on the phone when he ended it and then his text message saying we will talk...and then i feel like it may be kind of pathetic to text him something and give him the satisfaction (thats how i feel right now anyway even though i really truly want him back)

    the thing is, i still believe him that we will talk..maybe him calling my friends boyfriend was the first step?...i just really truly donot understand him calling my friends boyfriend but not call me eventually even if you were to tell me i dont want to get back and do you want your things back...does anyone kind of understand me of where i am coming from?..

    my friend and mother said maybe he doesnt want to call directly after the trip because then it kind of makes it seem like he wanted to be single soley for the trip and now its ok to call me and see me...but they also said if by the end of the summer he still has not contacted you, its really weird and by then i should try to stop hoping

    my friend said if you want to wait another week or so and she could have her boyfriend to call and not even mention me but just to speak to him and maybe try to see if he says anything...i'm tempted to do this but if my ex doesn't mention me in the conversation, then i pretty much have nothing left i can do..it will probably break my heart all over again..

    i still want him back and i am still hoping...so pathetic i guess...

     
    Old 08-17-2008, 12:20 PM   #52
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I wouldn't have my friends boyfriend call him. You DID say the reason you were shocked that he phoned him was that they didn't talk or know each other that well. He will see right through that, and what is it going to accomplish anyway? If he does ask about you, then you are going to be flying high on possible false hopes again and if he doesn't you are going to be hurt all over again.

    You can do this Blue! I agree that you have done really well so far. Get out and have fun with your friends. Meet new people. Move on honey..its time.


    Mileena

     
    Old 08-17-2008, 01:18 PM   #53
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Hey Mileena,

    I don't really feel like I am ready to move on.. i have been living my life the best i can, i have gone out with friends etc etc but i still have this hope and not ready to move on

     
    Old 08-17-2008, 04:59 PM   #54
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I'm going to try to say this kindly...you are really stuck on this phone call he made to your friend's b/f and are pinning your hopes on this. I think you truly believe that he made that call because he wants you back, and that he hasn't called you yet because he doesn't want to appear a certain way. If this guy wanted to get back together and was missing you the way you miss him, believe me, he would have called. He would be worried and wondering what you are doing and would be calling to find out. He made that phone call to your friend's b/f how long ago? And you're still waiting by the phone. It makes me feel sad because you're sitting there waiting and he's most likely going on with his life. Believe me, it would be nice to hear that he called you to say he'd made a huge mistake and this time apart made him realize how much you mean to him, but honestly it seems unlikely.

    Keep seeing your friends like you have been, lean on them, keep busy and you'll find someday that you've finally stopped thinking about him. I wish you the best.

     
    Old 08-17-2008, 08:11 PM   #55
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I agree with Redneon. You are keeping this alive because you want it so much, not because he has shown any indication that it's workable.

    Believe me, I know how bad it hurts to want someone that doesn't feel the same. I guess most of us on here do. This will be a learning and growing experience for you, even if you don't see it now.

    Have your friends fix you up with someone, or get them to set up a blind date. I know it isn't what you want, and you feel you aren't ready to move on yet....but the more you do the more you will want too.

    Think about this.....in your mind, he is sitting at home waiting for just the "right" time to call and make things right with you. At first I thought that might be a possiblity as well, but too much time has gone by and he has been home from his trip for a while. What do you think he is waiting for?

    Be honest with yourself, you know he isn't. It's time to bite the bullet on this and see this for what it is....if he wanted to come back he would have. IF the ball were indeed in your court, you would have already called HIM. It's the same with him. Is it going to take you seeing him with someone else? Are you still going to think it might work out then?

    No, it isn't impossible that he might still phone, and I am so sorry that you are still hurting. Sometimes, it's hard to hear what I have told you.....but it's for your own good. You can't keep waiting, it isn't healthy.

    Mileena

     
    Old 08-17-2008, 08:57 PM   #56
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    hey,

    thanks for writing...i actually donot think he is just sitting at home..i believe he is still living his life and i think he still thinks about me

    i kind of feel in my gut we may talk eventually..i really dont know when he got back (that is, if he ran into problems getting home) but he probably has been home for a week...its getting close to the end of the summer and if by then there is still no contact then i think i will be more angry because it will be almost 3 months from him saying "we will talk"

     
    Old 08-18-2008, 08:52 AM   #57
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Jeez, you're giving him a lot of free rent in your head that would be better put to use to getting on with your life.

     
    Old 08-18-2008, 02:43 PM   #58
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    i guess i would be more over it if two months ago he answered my call and said ok this is it and do u want your things better instead of telling me we will talk...


     
    Old 08-18-2008, 03:09 PM   #59
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Hon, here's the thing. Your 'things' don't mean anything to him. They're not taking up space he wants to use for his own possessions or needs, he might not even have your things any longer, you just don't know.

    He said "we'll talk" - as a way to ease out of having to talk "right then" - he didn't think you were so immature and irresponsible with your time and abilities that you'd sit around waiting for him to talk to you to tell you outright "look, you're not who I want to have a relationship with".

    he gave you alot of credit for intelligence, at least it might help to look at it this way - he thought "she's a bright girl, she knows if I want something I pursue it, I've told her that we're not a couple anymore, and surely she doesn't want outright slap in the face rejection about "why" I don't want a relationship with her, and you know, I don't know - other than i want to be free to play the field for awhile, etc. So, she's a bright chick, I wouldn't have dated if she wasn't - she's not really sitting around expecting me to call, or to get "rejection" which she'd term "closure", and she's not waiting around on these cheap possessions that I have to get on with her life. If she wants the things, she'll find a way to get the things without demanding it come at a price of seeing me, and I'll make hem available to her thru a mutual associate. But I am done with the relationship, she doesn't interest me any longer, she's not my idea of fun or a good time, and she surely doesn't want me slapping her in the face with that fact with a conversation. She's entirely too bright to sit around waiting for a call that was obvious I never intended to make, and I meant we'd say hello in the store if we passed in the aisle.".

     
    Old 08-18-2008, 03:27 PM   #60
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    for some reason i don't feel like he has all these negative feelings towards me and i believe him that we will talk...

     
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