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  • In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

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    Old 08-18-2008, 06:44 PM   #61
    IZZY'SMOM
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I have read your posts all from the start to finish. I remember a guy who tormented me just like you are being tormented, for 4 years. While he told me he "needed his space, or would "call me when he was ready", he was out doing everything he wanted.

    Better yet, I saw him about 9 years ago, and he was so dying when I showed up back home for a wedding, looking hot as hell, and the sight of him made me puke for all of the crap he did to me. He had a live in gf at the time, and tried EVERYthing he could to hook up with me, and I was married, even.
    I dont really have anything to say to you because you have everyone here telling you to move on, and I know its hard being your first heartbreak, but honey, unless you try to get over it, youll never even meet anyone again.

    No one can tell you anything different until you decide for yourself, but Im afraid ppl are just not going to anwer your posts anymore because you are still hoping things may be different. You have had tons of support, but everyone has tried to gently move you on and you still seem to think he will call you. I dont want you to feel worse, but it is going to happen if you still decide to stick to your guns. Then you will feel worse. Maybe he will...but until he does, quit holding your breath. Thats in a fact what you are doing. You arent out living, loving, any of that, just waiting, hoping and existing. Think of how much you are missing! just waiting on this guy who you think is going to call and making excuses for him about getting home, having trouble maybe, ect. You are just not wanting to realize what is going on. You have all of us strangers who dont even know you telling you what we see, and maybe you think we dont know you, but you asked for advice, and you're getting it, its just that no one has told you WHAT you want to hear. I know you want someone to tell you that hell call you, and hes just been busy getting home, ect. But i dont see it. Nor does anyone else.

    Let me tell you, though.. IF he does indeed call you, and you guys get back together, Id love to know! But even if he did? He's taking his time, thats for sure. Its kind of cruel.

    Just remember that no man is worth you feeling this way...AND if you meet one that has you feeling like this, then hes not the right one. You deserve to be happy, and honestly, other guys deserve a chance. You may not want it right now? But some day youll look back on this and be so angry that you put up with it.

    Try to let go, I know its hard, dont call any psychic hotlines..lol, just a joke...[I remember feeling that pathetic] and try to just get out and still be yourself.

    I hope I didnt offend you, I just feel badly for you, but at some point you just gotta get back on the horse.You are a sweet, devoted girl, and men would kill for that. You have really shown that when you want something, or BELIEVE in some one, that you are true. THAT is a huge thing, and I hope for you that you find someone deserving. And very soon. You have gone thru enough. Im on here a lot on the Pain Board, and I really want you to know that Im not trying to make you feel bad. Everyone who knows me, knows that Im a really caring, loving person, and I just want the best for you. Again, I hope you dont feel like Im not supporting you. Believe in yourself, and that you deserve better.
    xoxoxoxox,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 08-18-2008 at 09:11 PM.

     
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    Old 08-18-2008, 09:54 PM   #62
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    your post made me cry (but not because you are being mean because you aren't)..i am having a hard night and cried a lot even before reading your post and feel my emotions have been played with regarding my stuff still being at his place, him telling me we will talk and him calling my friend's b.f

    maybe i was possessive and jealous and sometimes fought over stupid things but i think it was very obvious that i was a genuine girl who truly loved him and he knew he was my first love, my first real boyfriend and i was all about him. Its not like i cheated on him or wasn't affectionate or was cruel to him. And even when he wanted to end it I was willing to work on things to make him happier and he didn't want it or me anymore..he was tired of me obviously

    i'm going to try to just let him go and wash my hands of him. Its time...I wasn't all that bad of a girlfriend and most people think i wear my heart on my shoulder..it was obvious I was all for him and i loved him. But I guess that isn't enough...

     
    Old 08-19-2008, 04:05 PM   #63
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Hey there!
    Im sorry you cried. I really am. I didnt want you to feel bad. Just to see that you are a good girl, and I know you feel cheated and lied to because he was your first real love, and he walked all over you. Thats probably all the more reason he wanted to let you down easy. When you have a guy who you REALLY know is worth all of this, youll know it. I feel like he took advantage of you, being a new fresh nice girl on the love scene, and even if you had things you realize now you think were wrong, still, it doesnt matter. If he really cared about you, he would be patient, and let you go thru all of this, and instead he took the chicken way out. Anyway...You should change your name on here, and start over fresh. That may make you feel better! I know it would me.
    I really have to say that when I was your age...I was opne of those who would just push and push in a situation like this, and I knew it was going to blow up, but I just wanted some friggin closure. Id rather have words, and things end badly, than to not hear from someone again. Ive gotten over that with age, but I remember I was bad about that. But the times it happened were for the best anyway. It made it easier for me to move on, when the spinless guy wasnt even going to contact me anyway.
    Everyone needs to do whats right for them. Im just saying Ill check back and see how you are doing. I remember getting my heart broken, and feeling like hell. I hope you can do whats best for you, and please post back when you have a chance. Youll be ok, girl. You always find someone when youre not looking. thats how it worked for me. I hug out with friends, did things I liked to do, and the waiting around is just horrid. I wouldnt do that now for a nano-second, but I think its really hard when its your first real love.
    Hang in there! Ill check on you later, ok? You CAN do this.
    xoxoxoxo,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 08-19-2008 at 06:55 PM.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 05:11 AM   #64
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    do i text a neutral text regarding my things and how so and so will pick them up or just walk away..let him wonder for however long even if it is a short time about me and forget the things and someone picking them up.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 06:27 AM   #65
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Decide if the value of these items to you is worth the heartache it's going to cause you contacting him to get them back. Personally unless they're of huge monetary or sentimental value, I'd let the stuff go.

    You've already been given all the good advice you need really, but I just wanted to chip in as a guy and say that men generally are quite straightforward when it comes to how we act. I've often thought that in relationship/emotional terms us guys see in primary colours, whereas women have the full rainbow. This often means women see things in mens behaviour that just isn't there.

    How this applies to you is that I really believe that in the mind of your ex, you're completely split now and have been ever since you last spoke. Telling you "we'll talk" may seem cruel to you (and it is) but he may have meant it in a fairly harmless (to him) way of saying goodbye - pretty much a 'see you around' type of thing.

    Hate him if it helps you get through this difficult time, but I think eventually you might see that he's just handled your breakup in the best way he knew how to, so pity him for not knowing how to make it better for you but eventually you may have fond memories of your time together and be able to look back without the hurt you feel right now.

    I think everyone goes through something similar with their first serious relationship. Mostly you see yourselves together forever until time, circumstance or emotion makes one person realize that it isn't the relationship for them. It's hard often for both parties to let go as dealing with these new emotions is hard work and you feel lost in space for a while, like you're floating around with no idea of what to do or how to go on living. Sooner or later you drop back down and eventually things go on and you start to feel like the future can be good for you.

    Stay strong and you'll get there.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 09:01 AM   #66
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    About your things...ask yourself if you are wanting to contact him about your "things" to have an excuse to talk to him, or if these "things" are something you absolutely cannot live without. When my ex split up with me, I went to his house to pick up my stuff with the express purpose of blasting him for dumping me. I didn't need the stuff but it gave me a "valid" excuse to go to his house one more time.

    If you honestly know that you will go there and beg him to talk to you or to take you back, or to just give you another chance, you are better off just leaving your things there and forgetting about them. You've been without them for a couple of months, clothes and cosmetics are disposable. And you don't want to put yourself in the position of possibly humiliating yourself in front of him. If nothing else, keep your dignity.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 02:43 PM   #67
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    i'm undecided about my things..

    i actually donot believe he wrote im not up for talking right now; but we will as a way of saying goodbye or see you around...i just really don't think that is what was meant..i think eventually we will speak but it may not be what i want to hear

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 03:18 PM   #68
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Decide if you want to call him....get it over with. Would you rather have him tell you straight up that "its over," or not.
    Leaving your things there is also a way of thinking that "when he sees them, he'll miss me." Thats what I used to think.
    In the end you have to do whats right for you to move on, either without him or with him again in the future... Whatever will help you move on. Two months is a LONG time to wait for anyone. But theres no guarantee that he is going to be up front with you if you do contact him, too.
    Do what you think is right. You are the one who is in the situation. Youve been given some amazing advice on here from people. Heartaches are horrid, I remember, you can do it~
    xoxoxoxo,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 08-20-2008 at 03:22 PM.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 03:24 PM   #69
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Someone needs to tell you how it is - it's been since 8-2-08 that he said he was done - it's now 8-20-08 and he hasn't called asking for reconciliation or discussion.

    It is over...it's been over in his mind for at least 18 days...and more likely 28 or 38 and he didn't want to end the good stuff until it was outweighed completely by the negative.

    Move on with your life...at this point the only person causing you pain is you and the fact you're in denial.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 03:34 PM   #70
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    "he didn't want to end the good stuff until it was outweighed completely by the negative..."

    No truer words have ever been spoken. Men will do that.
    xoxoxoox,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 08-20-2008 at 03:34 PM.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 03:38 PM   #71
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    women do it too.......in fact, in my experience as a woman - women do it infiniitely more than men.

    women tend ot value "a relationship" as a status symbol....men, once they don't want to be with "you" - they're done.

    Women will keep on dating a guy to have someone to take her out, be seen with, have something to do - until she finds a better option.

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 03:44 PM   #72
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    True...it goes both ways. I was thinking about the physical aspect.
    xxoxoxox,
    IZZY'SMOM

     
    Old 08-20-2008, 04:05 PM   #73
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I think sometimes we women have a skewered perception about sex - what it is, etc.

    Free sex is everywhere - no man i know beyond 18-19 stays with a woman 'for sex'.

    Women are giving it away out of delight and desperation for no money all over the planet.

    Men don't pay for sex, and they don't tolerate a woman's attitude, etc. for sex...at least not in my experience. Men paying for gratification, are actually paying for the 'no strings" dynamic of no phone calls or questions about "when are we going to see one another again".

    It's women that tend to believe their value is in thier sexuality, and so they cast alot of aspersions on male actions.

    I've known plenty and used to be one that did it - women that give away sex in exchange for like, love, approval, or attention to be continued past the act of sex. Most people assume what they're doing and why - other people are doing same or same reason or need.

    Men however don't tend to have sex with a woman unless he likes her and/or unless she's displaying some level of like or interest in him. They don't have sex to get attention or love or approval. Sex is a result of thinking the woman's attention he's getting already is good, or that the love he has for her is valid, or the approval he gets from her is an ego boost. HE's not having sex now to get something later...he's having sex becuase what he wants is already present.

    that's the big communication gap between men and women - at least in my experience. Men are living in the present, evaluating the present.......women are often tolerating the present to create a future - that has no way to be anything but intolerable - given their "toleration" of the present!

    Last edited by ICFK1; 08-20-2008 at 04:07 PM.

     
    Old 08-27-2008, 03:48 PM   #74
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    hey guys,

    I am not doing well..

    I know i said its time to just wash my hands of me but i am really upset.

    Obviously, my optimism has decreased but for some reason i feel like my stuff being there keeps the question open for communication and possibly getting back or talking

    i was thinking of texting him saying i know that it is over and if u still have whatever i had there so and so can pick it up

    i really dont care about the things but i guess for some reason i want to hear a final response---something

    a few people have already said it probably will not be good news and if he had something good to say he would somehow say it


    do u think my stuff being there though will make him think in some way i am still here waiting to talk to you?....

    is it a positive move to say i accept you want to break up and so and so can pick up my things...would it make him wonder at all, think twice?......


    sorry, just having a bad week

     
    Old 08-27-2008, 04:49 PM   #75
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Blue~
    You need closure if thats the case...I would text him. Ask about your things, ask how he ia soing, ect. Keep it light. Dont text or call him if youve been drinking, ect, you know what happens.
    Im glad you posted, I have been looking every day to see how you are.
    Do it...\Youve not contacted him in a long while. Remember, keep it light, no crying, ect, pleading, you know what to do.
    Please post back and let us know what happens! Stay strong, make it short, to the point, and you never know! Im not trying to lead you on, I just think if it is STILL bothering you this bad, uyou need to contact him and having your things there is the perfect cover.
    Hurry back, and good luck~ Remember, you being clingy, ect. ALL of those things that he didnt like before, ISNT going to make him want you back again, so be the exact opposite. Be confident, even if you are crying inside...no guy wants to deal with a girl that is all whiny and depressed. Make him remember the YOU he met at first! DO IT!
    xoxoxoxo,
    IZZY'SMOM

     
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