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  • In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

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    Old 08-29-2008, 09:56 AM   #91
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    hey cathy,

    thanks for writing before..i saw u highlighted my last post..do u have further thoughts?

     
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    Old 08-29-2008, 10:03 AM   #92
    Redneon82
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I'm still wondering about your "wait until the end of summer" plan...it's the end of summer.

    I can't imagine what is making you think there is a chance of reconciliation when he has given you absolutely no indication that it's what he wants. Everything that you are clinging to as signs that he wants to get back together with you are things that you have "interpreted" as "signs" that he still wants to be with you. Not from anything he has said or done...sorry, but it's all in your head!

    Please, help heal yourself by accepting reality. Send the text if you must, but be prepared to be majorly disappointed. It's very doubtful that you will get the response you are hoping for.

    Last edited by Redneon82; 08-29-2008 at 10:05 AM.

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 10:14 AM   #93
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    u are probably right...and its bad i guess that i need another slap in the face to realize its over but maybe thats what i need to do..

    i guess i still have time to decide

    well it is the end of the summer and i guess by me texting him and finalizing things then that is it..i have to be done waiting

    i just find it hard..it still seems up in the air to me...but probably realistically i should think maybe he had a moment of weakness the night before his trip and called my friends b/f or he wanted to feel better about things before he went away...when this happened--to me and most others thought it meant more but i guess we were proven wrong

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 05:10 PM   #94
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    if you still blamed yourself for the person leaving and thought he wasn't perfect but you caused more of the problems and you still loved the person---would u try til the end to get them back?

    maybe that is what i am doing...i know he could have done things differently but i ultimately feel it was more my fault

    if the person broke up with you but you still loved them would u try contacting them again after a few months...and in my situation its over 2 months that has passed and me sending a text message saying "i know a lot of problems could have been avoided and u want this over completely. So and So can get my things" is my way of trying one last time.....

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 07:31 PM   #95
    IZZY'SMOM
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Im not trying to be cruel at all. in fact, Im trying to be the one person who may answer you back and say you need to move on or do something. If you read your posts, and everyone's replies, they all have been the same. I dont think you are going to get anyone to answer you anymore. Its really just like beating a dead horse...
    Everyone is telling you what they think would be best, and until you get the answer it seems you want, you are going to keep posting the same thing over and over, and no one is going to answer you because we all have.
    I want to be supportive of you, I think everyone does, but I wouldnt count on any more replies until you have done something concrete. Just my two cents. Make a decision, stick with it and move on...whatever you decide to do. Ppl here are really supportive, but you have to understand that when ppl give their advice over and over and you just keep on posting the same thing, you're bound to not get much support. Try to make a decision and follow through. I say this in support and I hope you can get things resolved. I hate to see you get more rejection, and thats what I see is going to happen. Just my two cents...Im pretty much in the same boat as everyone else. Read your last post...you are asking us the same thing you posted 98 posts ago. I wish you well, I really do. Im just trying to be kind and say you need to move on.
    xoxoxox,
    IZZY'SMOM

    Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 08-31-2008 at 08:54 PM.

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 08:49 PM   #96
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Blue, you do what you feel you need to do because I can tell that if you do nothing, you will always wonder "what if?" You will keep wondering and thinking that you had a chance and blew it by not taking action.

    I'd say use your stuff as an excuse to contact him and then talk to him. I do not think you will be able to move on until you've talked to him. I think you need to hear from him and get an answer.

    There is no reason to make this harder than it has to be. No practiced speeches, no acting nonchalant and no games. That is not what you want to do anyway. Put all the cards on the table because that is what you want to do. Tell him what you want to tell him and see where it goes.

    Keep in mind that things may not go the way you want it to go but at least you will have closure. Just do it Blue. End all of this waiting and wondering.

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 09:24 PM   #97
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    hey Niclolu

    thanks for the support..i can't bring myself to call and say this because what if he doesnt answer number 1..i think eventually i will just text him

    should i just make it short and simple mentioning "i know problems could have been avoided, i understand u want this over. So and so can pick up things."

    sort of make it as simple as possible...it still leave things open for him to say something

    or should i make things a little more personal and say a little more..some friends have said i shouldnt mention the relationship really and make things short because then it shows this all i have been doing throughout the summer (and even if it is all i have been doing, he doesnt need to know)

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 10:01 PM   #98
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Blue, there really is no right or wrong way and I do not think there are any magic words that you can say to him that will make it turn out the way you hope it would. There is probably nothing you can say that would make it worse. You have nothing to lose by contacting him. How can it get worse? You feel horrible now and worse, you are left in limbo!

    We can sit day in and day out wondering what is going on, what is he thinking and if I do this, would he react like that? You just will not know until you actually do something about it.

    I am just like you in many ways. I myself probably would text instead of call. If it were me, I probably would say something like, "Hi. Just wondering how you are doing." If he responds, I probably would not go into talking about the relationship unless we meet up somewhere. Then I would ask to talk about it so I could get closure for myself.

    If you have needs that this guy is not willing to provide, you should think twice about it Blue. Even if you got back together, he is who he is and you will go through this again. You have needs too.

    Anyway, I am getting off track. Don't over-think it Blue. If he really cares about you, he will not care how you approach this. He will be happy to hear from you. But do not do it for anyone but you. You are going through this pain and you need to do something about it.

    Just be strong and face it head on. Don't have any expectations as to what could happen. Whatever happens, you can handle it. What is the saying? What does not kill us makes us stronger. He is not the only fish in the sea but if you want to cast your line again, then do it. You can say, at least you tried. Right?

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 10:18 PM   #99
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    thanks

    you are right..there is probably nothing wrong i can do at this point as long as i don't act like a crazy ex...i am entitled to look to get some sort of answer from him(especially after over 2 months of me disappearing and giving him want he wanted probably) and i am even entitled to get my things back even if i am using it as an excuse to escape being limbo

    even if he has something negative to say it probably will not hurt as much as the first few days where i was crying non stop..it will still probably hurt a lot and i probably will cry but not like those first few days

    i think i have proven to him that i am strong and i can go on by contacting him anymore after he said he wasnt up for talking...but me contacting him after over 2 months in a neutral calm way i think shows my maturity...and if its over anyway, i guess it doesnt matter how it appears to him anyway as well

    and if his mind is made up, its made up..but then i guess i will get my things back..and i also can look back knowing i might have screwed up in a lot of ways but i was willing to really try and work things out to make him happier..it will probably be something i will always regret(losing him)

     
    Old 08-31-2008, 10:35 PM   #100
    Niclolu
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    You got it! You have nothing else to lose and you are right, how could it hurt more? You have been very strong by not contacting him so you see, you can do those difficult things. Give yourself more credit Blue. I know it is hard and painful but you will get over it in time.

    Yes, you feel some responsibility in this but it takes two to break up a relationship. Yes, you will regret losing him...until you find mister Right. Trust me Blue, this will one day be something you look back and wonder, "What was I thinking?" (But you will be able to say, "I gave it my best shot.") You will one day thank your lucky stars that you found someone who care about you and your feelings.

    He left you wondering for 2 months so that says a lot about his character. He is not all together wonderful but you miss him so you will remember the good traits. You also need to remember the not-so-good traits. It will help you put things into perspective. Kick him off that pedestal!

     
    Old 09-04-2008, 02:50 PM   #101
    blue34
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    how do i get over this regret?

    i blame myself for losing him..he got tired of me being controlling and jealous and things not being easier..he wasn't perfect but i still blame myself for all of this happening and he was a decent guy


    i have not contacted him yet.

     
    Old 09-04-2008, 02:57 PM   #102
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Go ahead and text him already! I think you may be putting off sending the text because it gives you an excuse to keep holding on, and because you are arfaid that he won't respond the way you are hoping. You cannot start healing until you let go! And you can't let go as long as you keep putting off contacting him and finding out it's over for good.

    It takes 2 to end a relationship. You may not have done everything perfectly, but who does? You have learned from this and can take the lesson with you to the next relationship. But you won't have another one unless you finally let go of this one and allow yourself to heal.

    Text him. Get his answer (or no answer) and move on from there. I can't see that you are going to move on any other way.

     
    Old 09-04-2008, 03:19 PM   #103
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I've been in your situation and believe me I totally get what you are going through.
    People would tell me "He's left, no hope, move on, be happy, find someone new." Its not that I didn't listen nor wanted to do the opposite - but I just couldn't! I couldn't let it go. I kept on hoping, I kept holding out, I kept waiting to talk to him, to pick up my CDs from his place etc. Even on these boards, everyone would get so frustrated with me!
    I wish there was something I could say to make you snap out of this and start moving the other way - away from him.

    This is going to hurt but I have to say it. He's left you. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If he wanted to talk he would have by now. This was his way of getting out easy. Bloody hell, it hurts, and it is difficult for us to understand, but that's the truth. It's not your fault! Stop blaming yourself. I think you are feeling depressed.
    I don't know what to say to make you feel better or how to put you on the right path.But I think the first stepping stone to that moving on path despite how much you may not want it lies with accepting this. Accept it sweetheart.
    Ggive yourself time to accept this. If you can't then I would say you should message him. You will get hurt. I know you will. But maybe that would shed some light on the situation for you. I'm sorry.

     
    Old 09-04-2008, 06:21 PM   #104
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    [It's hard to get over something that you feel you caused. You kick yourself, lose sleep over it and all you want to do is go back in time to fix it. I've been there... not by being controlling or jealous but for other reasons. I've said this in almost all my other notes to you. You can't go back and fix what you did... but you must go forward and not make the same mistakes again. Trust me, if you get into another relationship and make the same mistakes again you won't believe how much worse it will feel... even worse than you feel now. Maybe working through why you feel you need to control or the jealously piece might help you feel better. It sounds weird but sometimes when you make peace with yourself through gaining the "why" you are the way you are, it brings a calmness and strength. It allows you to forgive yourself. It's important to do that. Anyone that's been in therapy knows that term and how important it is. RIght now your brow beating yourself and once you gain that inner knowledge it gives you strength to let go and move on.... it really does.

    Last edited by cathy1; 09-04-2008 at 06:23 PM.

     
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