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This may seem petty but....

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Old 08-06-2008, 02:53 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2008
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PoppyfieldUK HB User
This may seem petty but....

Here is the background: I met a man when I was 16, we dated for a while but split when I was 20. Things have remained amicable and he is now one of my best friends... I have now known him for 10 years. I'm telling you this because I fear our relationship/friendship is very one sided because I have always been fonder of him because he is my first, you know? A year ago his dad got sick and he got a bit sappy and he said im a good friend and he loved me (not in a romantic way, that is over)...we have been through a lot together, been through some hard times with my family etc.

Anyway every now and again he acts like a f&ckwit and has an attitude like "im too busy to deal with you" which is irritating.

A while ago he bought me a reeeeally nice gift for my 25th and he wanted to hear constantly about how GREAT it was - you know what men are like I of course did so, and took him out for a meal to say thank you, and he wanted to hear again and again and again how BRILLIANT and kind he was.

So, I know there was this rare LP that he has wanted ever since I have known him (he collects LPs), he has gone on and on about it, and I eventually found ONE online and bought it for him as a surprise. He did say thank you at the time (Saturday) and seemed grateful, but I have not heard from him since. I txt him today and asked him if he has listened to it and he sent a really sarcastic reply "yes yes its lovely, its great, thanks so much its amazing its fantastic wow thanks :P".

WHat hurt me the most was that I told him that he had hurt me and he wasn't being at all kind when all I was trying to do was try to do a kind deed and he, in not so many words, told me to stop being silly and childish and get over it. I am mostly hurt that he didnt try to make me feel better you know?

Why is it that men never ever try to make you feel better after they have hurt your feelings!

Should I just leave this be? The things is....he is a bit of a hot and cold person. He can be really sweet and kind and then he can be so cold and heartless and show no remorse (only child, very selfish!). It has happened a few times in the last 10 years and as petty as this story sounds, it's kinda like the last straw. But Im so biased with this bloke I tend to make excuses and Im never sure So im here to ask you if he's being a f*ckwit

Thank you for listening I am very very annoyed and it just feels good to type it out!!

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Old 08-06-2008, 05:06 PM   #2
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Re: This may seem petty but....

I don't think you are being petty. This incident would be hurtful to anyone. Best to not try to compare your own reactions to his, he is the drama queen, and drama queens so not like to be competed with (their words). In other words, he can be the brat, and you are his audience. Love what is good about him, and realise that the negative stuff like this is all about him, not you. Choose to either ignore his dramatics and games and enjoy the rest of the friendship, or, if it bothers you too much, then back away. There is no use calling him on this stuff, or trying to get him to change - he sounds self-absorbed enough to be totally unaware that he is being a turkey. Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 08-06-2008 at 05:06 PM.

Old 08-06-2008, 05:43 PM   #3
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Mileena42 HB User
Re: This may seem petty but....

The friendship has been going on for a very long time, so I am sure it would be hard for you to just give it up or end it. However, my advice in this situation is to at least distance yourself a great deal so that rude things such as this doesn't bother you or hurt you. I don't think he will ever change toward you from the sound of just cool it off a bit and maybe even in time the friendship will fade to nothing.

I have found that time can heal most things including your need for certain people in your life. It's time to re-evaulate this friendship. Is it worth having your feelings hurt over?
No, you aren't being petty, his answers were rude.


Old 08-06-2008, 05:54 PM   #4
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Re: This may seem petty but....

I have a similar friend who I've had for a little longer than you... And I have similar problems with him. I'll tell you what I do with him when he gets all weird on me like that. I step back and give him some space. I don't go out of my way to contact him or anything. Eventually he always comes back to me and we start up again. But I usually just try to give him his space if he's being a dork, like he is right now. Lately I've been feeling more ignored by him and I've been really frustrated, so I haven't gone out of my way to contact him. I think I have to do that for my own sanity, so I don't feel like I'm like a dog waiting for table scraps, you know? It's frustrating, but he's a guy, and guys are so clueless sometimes, it just annoys me. But I care about him, even if he doesn't care about me as much as I care about I'm just moving along as best as I can.

Old 08-07-2008, 08:08 AM   #5
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cmpgirl HB User
Re: This may seem petty but....

In my humble opinion, you are dealing with a textbook narcissist. If you look it up, I think you will understand what I mean. This type of person will never be happy for you, will never sincerely thank you for anything and will demand to be the center of your life, but ignore yours, especially if you need a shoulder to cry on or have good news to share.

Trust me...... I know from personal experience, that someone with this type of personality will rarely ever change. They are usually not capable. If you can live with it, then great. It's not as difficult when you are just casual friends. But please don't think you can help them. Not that it can't be helped, but it takes a really good therapist, a long time and a willing participant. The willing participant is the hardest part.

I wish you the best.

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