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Past "friend" reappears

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Old 08-10-2008, 07:44 AM   #1
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Past "friend" reappears

This is going to be very long

In the mid 90s this girl found me on a ramdom chat. We talked she said she was married and had kids. I was single with no kids. Well after that night of chatting we didnt talk again for a while I thought it was just a fun night talking online. Well sometime later she messaged me again which was cool cause I lost her chat ID. After that we chatted online regularly as time got on her marriage was going VERY sour. I in the meantime had some rough spots with a couple relationships one I thought was going to be the big one.

Her and I talked about everything an became really good online friends. Almost two years later after that very first chat she decided to divorce her hubby. He was cheating on her and was never home etc. Well about a year after the divorce and her I were really clicking so I decided it was serious enough and I ended up deciding on getting together. So I made the trek of 1000 miles and moved. Things were great .. we clicked in person well.

Now right before I had moved I started to have some health issues (my move had nothing to do with those) and when I got here things were on decent with me but as time went on I got worse. She had now been working for the first time in her life, at a great job and in the meantime jobs were bad here so it was decided I would be a "stay at home parent". It was hard as I had ALWAYS been working and what have you. I ended up having to file for disability as things just got so bad for me. Now She on the other hand has also got health issues with her self. However shes in much better condition then I am.

Weve now been married 6yrs, I did learn of a "past love" she really liked. When I "caught" her chatting with him about 7yrs ago. What got me mad was she kept it secret .. if she had been open about this being a friend it wouldnt be so bad. Well I found out shes had sexual relations with this person long before I got with her. Now Im not one of those people who say she cant have friends with someone from her past etc.. So .. no big deal

So cept recently I went to her computer (I needed to use the scanner, her computer has the scanner and printer hooked to it). I noticed she accidentally left open a "window" showing that shes been talking to this guy again secretly and it has flirts and other talks of sexual nature. My insides fell and I was really hurt cause she talked alot about me and said things like my husband isnt anything compared to you.

Well that to me was enough to yeld snooping as I feel I have a right to know if my mife has been cheating on me. I have discovered shes got hidden profiles and all sorts. What really makes me upset is things she has demanded she doesnt like or do, nor talk to me about shes having the time of the day with him. Shes been very open with this guy about us and how she misses him and lots of stuff. I have forwarded and saved tons of stuff between them and other things. I want to keep a record of this .. so far they havent hooked up yet. To be honest Im at the point now I think she wants to hook up with this guy.

Now of course being here I do know her ex husbad and were actually pretty cool he has admitted and said he did cheat on my wife alot and it was his fault as to why they ended but he said he just didnt love her anymore.

So being that and how bad things went between them back then, my stepkids and wife took it pretty hard so why is my wife now doing this.

Now im upset inside and being her and I have had this issue before and she knows EXACTLY how I feel about this stuff. I just am soo lost about all this .. I am so close to the kids one which is autistic and has the mind of a 8yr and shes 15. I feel like everything is gone now.

This whole problem is her hiding things about this guy and her saying what she has about her and I's marriage to him and her saying she misses him and thier sexual talk. So I need help on what to do? Got to remember her kids are involved and her parents whom shes close with and if they found out about this ****** would hit the fan.

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Old 08-10-2008, 08:51 AM   #2
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Re: Past "friend" reappears

Yes, it seems to be a dire situation.

Have you noticed any important change in your sexual life with her and especially in the way she behaves with you (the way she talks to you, shares things, tells about her day, her problems, does things together with you - shopping, house chores, outings, going out for dinner, etc)?

Has anything changed considerably in recent years or months? Has she expressed any dissatisfaction? Maybe you should start from here, I mean, indirectly.

She may be doing something wrong by talking to this guy behind your back, but I don't think (I may be wrong, though) you should bring this up immediately, at least not before talking to her and trying to find out where her feelings for you really stand now. The goal here is to have her open up her mind and heart with you, without forcing or threatening her. Maybe she will even go as far as to admit her involvement with this guy.

You may find this too delicate an approach to deal with this serious situation, but since the context includes her children and parents, young and old people, it is safer to act with caution. In view of her response, you will know what to do next.

Last edited by pendulum; 08-10-2008 at 08:53 AM.

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