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what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

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Old 08-15-2008, 12:41 AM   #1
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somuchofmeisyou HB User
Exclamation what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

i recently got back from a two month vacation. ive only been able to see my boyfriend a couple times since because of conflict in our schedules. things have been a little rocky since we havent been able to see each other. well, hes leaving tommorow for a week and today we got in an arguement. my plans got canceled and i texted him to see what he was up to, and if i could see him. he was at his friends house (i know the friend) and he was all like "im outside playing basketball ill text you when im done." and five hours went by and nothing. so i sent him a text sayin "thanks for texting back" and hes like "no problem." and so i was like "wow ***." and hes like "calm your *** down. you cant expect me to sit here and text you while im at somebodys house. just because your plans got cancelled doesnt mean i can text you all day." and i got really mad because that was really disrespectful and so all i said was "fine" and hes like "i cant believe youre gettin mad when you didnt even wanna see me today before i leave." (so apparently thats what was bothering him. which i didnt even think of. but still, he shouldnt have gone off on me like that.)
so a few hours later i sent him a text saying..

me: "do you know why im always gettin mad at you about little things? because i care about you alot. you mean the world to me jonathan. but its like i never know what you feel or what your thinking so i get frustrated because im so damn unsure all the time. especially lately. i feel like things seem different and i dont know what to make of it. i could have hungout with you today even if i did see my friend but i honestly didnt think you would want to. you dont have to reply to this i just felt like it was something i needed to say."

and his reply..
him: "im sorry if i make you feel that way. but when i get back we need to have a talk."

i was like uh oh that doesnt sound go so all i said was..
me: "k."

then he was like
him: "aite i need to finish packing then ima go to sleep. ill text you the first chance i get. either the first or second night. goodnight and dont be mad."

me: "goodnight. have a safe flight."

im not sure what my question is.
but i just dont know what to make of this all.
what the hell is going on?
and we need to have a talk?
is he gonna break up with me?
if he was why wouldnt he do it before he leaves?

i need real answers please.
nothing rude.
im just really confused.

ps-its not like i text him all the time or call him all the time.

i just wanted to see him before he left.

maybe hes feeling the same way as me?
i dont think i show my feelings for him as often as i should. but he didnt say anything when i told him how much i care about him.

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Old 08-15-2008, 04:23 AM   #2
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

This is a tough question to answer because there are so many variables in this situation. I understand your anxiety about the "we need to talk when I get back" comment. Maybe you should have asked him right then and there if he was wanting to break up? Anyway; you're just going to have to wait and see what happens when he gets back. Theres no telling. He may just want to clear some things up; he may want to break up; but he also could have gone ahead and broke up with you before he left. He may just need sometime to think. You need to take this week he is away and think too; so that when he does get back and you two do talk--your head will be clear on what to say and what you want as well. Hopefully everything will work out. Theres always going to be bumps in relationships and maybe this is all it is.

Old 08-15-2008, 04:34 AM   #3
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shorti HB User
Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

the "we need to talk" line doesnt always mean a man wants to break up with you. my boyfriend has said this to me before and he never broke up with me. try not to stress.

Old 08-15-2008, 04:34 AM   #4
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happymom28 HB User
Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

The first thing you have to realize is just because your plans fell through didn't mean he was going to change his to text or hang out with you. I think it was a little unfair for you to expect him to. You should have just found something else to do instead of dwelling on when he was going to get back to you.

It does sound like he may have been upset that you chose other plans over hanging out with him in the first place before he left. He should have just said something to you but he didn't. Not much you can do there except to try to have better communication about things.

Just because he "wants to have a talk" doesn't mean he wants to break up. Don't you want to have a talk with him? I think there are just things you need to discuss (like perhaps how you have been not having time for eachother and the uneasiness you have both been feeling).

Do your best to just keep busy and not dwell on him. When he does text you keep it light and airy like "I hope you are having a good time" and things of that nature. Do not try to get into your relationship talk while he is away. You want him to relax and enjoy himself and miss you, not get all stressed out. I also suggest that you try to plan something for just the two of you when he gets back. Perhaps pick a day and see if it is good for him (and if it's not don't get upset).

Honestly, it seems like a lot of miscommunication. Try to be more open with eachother.

Old 08-15-2008, 07:32 AM   #5
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Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

Yes, you can't expect him to drop what he was doing just because your plans got cancelled, but he was very rude about it. And I still feel that when a man is really into you, he doesn't let schedules get in the way of seeing you. It kind of seems like things changed for him when you were gone on vacation. It doesn't necessarily mean he's ready to break up with you, but it sure smells like it. The text you sent was very clear and up front. Keep up the clear, honest communication, and let the chips fall where they may. Hang in there. Time will tell.

Old 08-15-2008, 09:50 AM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 127
Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

I think you're in a relationship where neither of you want commitment to the other - but you want the benefits and options of involvement with each other, when the moood hits or time is right.

But if either of you wanted someone in your life on a regular basis that you had to consider equally with yourself - you two wouldn't be dating at all.

It's unrealistic for him to drop his plans, because you find yourself free. That is why you two mesh - you two both have things to do, people to see, and things that interest you as individuals. When the time is right for you both - you get together, but when it's not right neither of you are bored, clingy, etc.

Last edited by ICFK1; 08-15-2008 at 09:51 AM.

Old 08-16-2008, 05:07 PM   #7
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: what is going on? im really confused. does he wanna break up? advice please.

that was a lot of heavy talk for text messages. I would suggest that next time, you guys wait until you can at least talk on the phone, if not in person, to say what's on your mind bc at least then you can interpret what they're thinking from their reaction, voice, and face.

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