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brink of breaking

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Old 08-23-2008, 09:07 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Exclamation brink of breaking

I need advice... and stat.

I unfortunatly had the unpleasure of dating someone for a few years and realizing they were a compulsive liar/cheater extrodinair. Two weeks after this realization I found out about my son.

My son is now 20months old and his father and I have offically been broken up for over a year. Since this time I've been in hell. He's slandered me, tried breaking up every relationship I've attempted...usually by trash talking them and claiming he wanted to get back with me. In the winter he met someone. Then all of a sudden he wanted to be with our son 50% of the time. It's been going on for about 4 months now.

Since this happened our plans to move to the city have been deminished. His new lady got a job and is not able to relocate... so all of a sudden our 2 year long plans to move were not in our sons best interest. He took me to emergency court to stop me from leaving town.

We're now in the throws of the beginning of a nasty custody battle. However, beside not leaving town, nothing is set yet. He's going for joint custody, I'm going for sole custody and child support. It was also suggested our son go with his father 1-2times a week because he's not adjusting well to the constant back and fourth. He's been on a routine and schedule here since he's been born. When he goes with his father he is on a TOTALLY different routine. When I get him back it takes me the whole time I have with him to get him back on schedule... and by that time he goes back with his father again.

Well... his father got the letter in the mail from lawyer with my parenting statement. He called it a joke and completly ignored the 1-2days a week business. He wants his time and doesnt seem to care that it's effecting our son negatively.. He went on a rant about how he was picking our son up tomorrow morning with out without his lawyer and the police.

I know until stated otherwise... I AM his sole guardian, and I do NOT even have to allow him to have our son at all.

Having said that... I don't want to deny him our son completly and make myself look bad... But I'm wondering... Do I keep my son until he agrees? Do I just let it go and allow things to continue?

uhg. help.

p.s. pardon the spelling. hahaha.

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Old 08-23-2008, 11:23 AM   #2
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Re: brink of breaking

Poor child. I wish his father would be more understanding, but it doesn't seem he will change for the time being.

Can you separate the man from the father? I mean, is he a good father to the boy, even though he was a cheater and a liar to you, even though he refuses to follow your patterns of education? I hope so. Anyway, I think your way of educating the child should be respected, since you were presumedly the first parent to look after him. You have this prerrogative. But as painful and frustrating as it can be, as a parent he probably also has the right to say a word or two.

Do you have a lawyer yourself? Since you alone have the custody of the little one, you have more power, but you could use (or share) your power diplomatically. Let your attorney tell the father about your conditions. You are ready to negotiate some of them, but the basic routine must be respected, in the interest of the child, by both himself and his current lady, you know. I know it won't be easy, but he might become more respectful of your ways if he approached with friendliness and authority in the same breath. If he is also given some responsibility for his own child.

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