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  • I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?

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    Old 08-31-2008, 10:45 AM   #1
    chicka88's Avatar
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    Unhappy I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?

    I need relationship advice,because I have completely lost touch with my emotion and this may help a bit.

    I met him 8 months ago and we were both going through traumatic events in our lives (parents' divorce, within a day of each other) and we had everything in common, so we seemed perfect for each other. I thought it was cute that he wanted to see me everyday, he was a bit broke, of course I paid for him. All i would do was hang out with him, including on weekends, we would party together and I would bring my friends along.
    Of course my friends got sick of it, and they stopped coming out. Then school ended, and he decided he would stay living where I lived, because he's not from around here, only for university. For 10 days we went to his hometown, and I realized I was in love with him there and then because I loved everything about him, just from seeing where he grew up, his famiy, friends, etc. I left on a trip to Europe for 12 days after that, and we would literally be in contact everyday. I was addicted to him, I always thought about him, and I needed to talk to him everyday.
    WHen I got hoem, he leased a room, which was cute that he was going to pay to stay with me. Unfortunately, he never stayed at his place and slept at my place everynight. 3 months passed. He lived with me this entire summer. He got a job, and I would be a nice girlfriend and wait until he came home and then he was usually exhausted so I would spend time with him. Then i got a job. The hours were tedious. I was stressed. However, he met some of my old guy friends and because very close with them, and started hanging out with them more and more, having them at my house behind my back and lying to me about it. He would want to hang out with them everytime I came home from a 12 hour shift, no matter how tired I was. I still hadn't seen any of my friends. To be honest, I never wanted to go out at night with him and them, I absolutely forced myself to go out and have fun with them. I used to always want to go out and party.

    So then we started fighting about absolutely everything and anything. He would always say " you do this, you do that" etc. The truth of the matter is, communication was broken because all it was blaming. Nothing would ever get resolved. We were spending way too much time together.

    Now it is august, and I feel completely lost inside. I don't feel in touch with my emotions at all. He went back home for a week, and I told him I could not go back with him because we needed space, desperately. He started crying because he thought I was breaking up with him, and he said that if he lost me he wouldn't know what to do with his life. Anyway, he got over me not wanting to come, he just had an uneasy feeling about me breaking p with him I guess.
    So he went away for a week, and I felt so good. I missed him a bit, and we talked everyday. I worked, didn't have one stress on my mind about him hanging out with all my old friends, and I started seeing some of my girlfriends more and more.

    He came home last night, and I was happy at first, until he did not want to go hang out with my friends, although I made plans for us to go out and have fun. We end up staying in. I fell asleep on the couch next to him at one point, and he took my cell phone and read all my text messages. Some text messages were to my guy friends just venting about my boyfriend, saying that I'm not sure if i'm happy or not. He wakes me up yelling at me, and I had nothing to say because it was true that I was badmouthing our relationship.

    He is a very egotistical, needy, momma's boy kind of guy, who is very spoiled and always expects something. He always tells me "when was the last time you did something for me", and we argue about who pays for what, although I pay 60% of the time. He always yells about guys talking to me online saying how guys ar ein love with me, and how I act like a single girl. He wants all the fun, and none of the responsibilities. He wants me to be perfect, when he is imperfect himself. In terms of the sex we have, I haven't felt like i've enjoyed it, in a long time.

    And now I find myself typing this out, because I have no idea what I'm feeling anymore. When he was gone I missed him alot, and now that hes home i just don't know. I can't get out of bed, I feel miserable.
    Although he is moving to his own place, I think the relationship has been destroyed, after 7 short months. The past 7 months I have lost myself.
    I have thoughts about breaking up with him every single day, but then I just think about how much I would miss what we had and how i'd be awfully jealous of his future girlfriends. It is almost like I'm addicted to him.
    We've said our I love you's, and I just feel like I don't mean it anymore when I say it to him back, but maybe its just me being depressed and unhappy. I just can't seem to let go of him although I know I should.

    I apoligize if this post seems like a ramble, making little sense at all, i'm typing out how I feel right now.
    I just need help, I feel so lost.


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    Old 08-31-2008, 01:00 PM   #2
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    Re: I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?

    When you have known somebody for a long time and are used to have them in your life, it can be very hard to let them go just because you can't imagine life without them - no matter how bad life WITH them is. You just have to come to a point where you acknowledge how unhappy you are and realize that if you want to get back to enjoying life then you have to make a change and let go of the person holding you down.

    Any self-respecting man would not want his girlfriend paying for the majority of dates. The ratio of guy to girl paying should be 90/10. You should find yourself a man, not a boy.
    The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

    Old 08-31-2008, 08:28 PM   #3
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    Re: I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?

    I think you might really be surprised how little you miss him and how relieved you are to be rid of him once he is really gone. You can choose to ride this out to the very end, but you know that is coming at 100MPH and it's coming soon. Go back and read your own post. You are more unhappy with him than you will miss him.

    It's great that he will be moving to his own place soon. Gradually ease him out of your life completely once that happens. He sounds like a very selfish person. He is lying to you about people in your place while you are working, AND he is getting into your cell phone without permission!

    Take back your control and kick this one to the curb. No one needs this kind of BS in their life.


    Old 09-03-2008, 06:23 PM   #4
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    Re: I feel lost...boyfriend is the cause?

    It sounds almost as if he has taken on your life as his life --- staying at your place, going out with you and your friends, hanging out with your guy wonder you are so stressed out - you have no life of your own anymore. It must be incredibly difficult to have nothing that is just yours anymore.

    The most difficult part of breaking up is losing that companionship. You are cutting out the one person in your life who you have talked to daily and spent so much time together - it's a sudden loss of your closest friend. The problem here is, you really don't sound happy and you have to make the choice to make the change for yourself. I'm sure you care about this guy, but if deep down you are having more sad times than happy moments, it's time to pull the plug.

    I know what mean when you say "I have thoughts about breaking up with him every single day, but then I just think about how much I would miss what we had and how i'd be awfully jealous of his future girlfriends. It is almost like I'm addicted to him." because I remember thinking this about an ex-boyfriend. I didn't want him anymore, but I didn't want anyone else to have him -- sounds silly, I know, but that was honestly how I felt. I stayed with him longer than I should have because of this and then finally ended it. It was difficult for a while because like I said, that guy that you talked to every single day is suddenly not there anymore (because you can't keep calling eachother or nothing will change) and it is a huge loss; however, it was the best decision I could have made for myself. Looking back, he was just not the right guy for me. Maybe you are at this point now where you realize you should be enjoying your boyfriend's company and not feeling slightly suffocated or depressed by it. Remember, you will find someone else and hopefully the next guy will be the perfect match.

    I wish you the best in your decision....but definitely do what's going to make you happy!!

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