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Too much loss.

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Old 09-02-2008, 08:00 PM   #1
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elise18 HB User
Too much loss.

Well, I知 a little uncomfortable putting my issues out here, but I知 just feel like I知 about to be ripped apart --- can稚 sleep and am just so incredibly sad. I was in a relationship with a guy 14 years younger than me for 18 years. Yeah, I should have had a big stupid put on my forehead a long time ago. He is not the biological father of my teenage son, but he is the man my son calls dad, and he has always considered my son his. In the past years we have been on and off, but when the previous 登ffs occurred, I was sad but did okay, because I was wrapped up in raising my son, who also happens to be a Type I diabetic. For the past year, the man has been telling me that he痴 not involved with anyone else, but he recently moved (yeah, idiot that I am, I helped him get everything settled in), and within a week of my flying home, he was already with someone else. This also coincided with the time that my son left for college. The house is really nice and empty. I also find out, that in the 菟ast year that he was only with me, in reality, he was also having sex with someone else. Anyway, I知 the one who let all of this happen, and I知 not looking for any sympathy with writing this. I知 just hoping that writing this will help me to face reality, and maybe ease the pain a little. It痴 a scary thought that 20 years were just wasted on someone who really could have cared less. The funny thing is that he really thinks of himself as a nice guy. Oh yeah, I failed to mention that while he was playing me, he was playing three other girls who have been around for 18, 10, and 4 years, respectively. I guess we were all stupid.

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Old 09-02-2008, 09:32 PM   #2
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Re: Too much loss.

Elise, I am so sorry about your situation. It must be a chock to find all this out and look back at 18 years of your life and feel like you wasted all that time.
First, I want to tell you that I feel you are too hard on yourself. You didn't necessarily let all that happen to you. We live our lives the best we know how and we don't always know what is waiting us. You say that this man has always considered your son his son. Well, right there I can see a good reason why you held on to the man. If there is something good in a situation, we close our eyes and don't want to see the bad things. We go into denial. If he was a good father figure for your son, you haven't wasted 18 years of your life. You provided a father figure that your son otherwise wouldn't have had. But, I certainly don't condone the cheating part. There is no excuse for it. At this point be glad that you've realized that he is a cheater so that you can grieve and move on with your life. It is better to find out now than to be in denial another 18 years.
Again, don't blame yourself. You say you are not looking for sympathy. Why not? I think you deserve sympathy being in the situation you are in.

Old 09-03-2008, 03:41 AM   #3
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Re: Too much loss.

I agree with the last poster. Do not beat yourself up over this had 18 years, I bet some of it was happy, your son had a father figure in his life. I am sorry that it came to this, and that you have this grieving to go through. Be strong. You are not stupid for having loved this man, even though, in the end, he may not have been worth it. Very little in life is ever truly wasted -
Those years were yours to live, and the things that happen to us are what makes us learn and grow. Who is to know what your life would have been like without him, maybe better, then again, maybe worse. Don't dwell in the past, kicking over old stones...grieve and then get up and move on, that is all we can ever do. Sera.

Old 09-03-2008, 08:21 AM   #4
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lindsjean HB User
Re: Too much loss.

Elise, I am sorry that you are going through this. Most of us feel your pain b/c we too have lost someone we cared about. I have posted on here several times and this place is a wonderful place for support.

Anyways I agree with the other people who posted...."It is hard to let something bad go when there is something good to hang on to....." but we MUST do it if we want a better life. The way I think about things is if I found one guy I was happy with, there must be another guy out there who can treat me better. Never mind the fact that we miss the sweetness of the old guy, but in time our pain will heal and when we least expect it someone great will come along. I hope my word don't sound too cliche, but I hope they are true.

Since your son is gone maybe you should try getting involved in healthy activities. One guy that posted on another thread suggested yoga or something healthy for the mind body and soul......I think that was a great idea.

Good luck with your situation. I am sure things will turn out for the best no matter how bad they get in the mean time....Keep us posted.

Old 09-03-2008, 09:37 AM   #5
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Re: Too much loss.

Originally Posted by elise18 View Post
he was playing three other girls who have been around for 18, 10, and 4 years, respectively.

Despite the pain it is causing you now I am very glad he has left your life because in time you will wake up and realise you deserve SO MUCH BETTER and not betrayal and dishonesty.
My words may not help you right now but please move on with your life, see this is a new opportunity to create a new, happy and honest life. This is your chance now. It won't change over night, you will need to put in the work, but you WILL get through this and you WILL come out better. Believe me.
Don't sit around feeling sorry for for him, pining away for this man - I know you love him, but please, no man is worth that, especially when he has been playing around with women. So unattractive!

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-04-2008 at 05:35 AM. Reason: to correct spelling mistakes OOPS!

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