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Embracing Change advice needed

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Old 09-07-2008, 02:35 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: UK
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fusion21 HB User
Question Embracing Change advice needed

HI all I am looking for some advice please

My partner lives 200 miles away, struggling to sell a house and finances are in a mess due to past partner. Partner wants to move and sell the house but current market isn't helping.

My problem is this....

My soloution to problem is get job that pays more money everyones happy.

I suggested take the house off the market until it gets better (as also suggested by estate agent) and move to where I live where my partner can do the same job earning almost double the wage. renting the house isn't an option as the location wouldn't bring much in to cover the mortgage and getting a lodger isn't ideal either as my partner lives far out in the sticks.

we have been together 9 months and where I live there are more job opportinuities and alot more interaction and things to do also we were planning a baby together. I wouldnt need any money aside from paying the bills, that way my partner would be able to still have security of own home, earn more money to pay the mortgage and be able to have a taste at living together.....if it doesn't work then at least the house is still there and only items of clothing need to be put back.

Partner says doesnt want to move as too much hassle, yet I was prepared to move to a place where I didnt know anyone and the wage was crap in comparison almost 5K less for the same jobs and to a town that I didnt know, all just to be with partner.

But at least my partner has friends in my location and has lived here first it was due to an oversized hound that the move couldn't be made now hound has been given away I don't see what the excuse is

Am I being unreasonable???

please help

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Old 09-07-2008, 06:37 AM   #2
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Re: Embracing Change advice needed

As far as I know, this is a long-distance relationship, right? Both of you knew this from the beginning, right? So you certainly knew about the possibility of a relocation, for both of you or at least for one of you. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Moving to your city/town seems to be the best option now, although it may change in the future, who knows? Maybe you are not alone to think so. Maybe other people, including himself, also see the point about his moving. If he is not a stubborn type, then I would say that he is afraid of or maybe too proud of depending on you, because, if I understand, he is going to live in your place/house. I expect you live alone. If you live with your family, this might prove to be an additional source of stress for him. Anyway, in order to overcome his pride or fear, tell him that this is at worst a temporary situation and that you are not giving him your place and facilities on a silver plate: he will have to earn it, if you see what I mean. Again, he could have a shot at it, let's say for half a year to see how it goes. Reassure him that by doing so he is not giving up his freedom nor his maleness.

Old 09-07-2008, 08:47 AM   #3
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Re: Embracing Change advice needed

thank you so much Pendulum, yes I live alone and yes it is long distance I knew that one or both would have to move but I wonder if my partner really thought it through or just got caught up in the moment, my partner is very stubborn and not good at expressing feelings or reaching out to others.

Old 09-07-2008, 03:49 PM   #4
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Re: Embracing Change advice needed

It really sounds to me as if he doesn't want to make the effort to "live" with you. You have offered everything to him basically and all hurdles have been put aside, yet he still refuses to make the move. I think if he really wanted too, he would have done so already. Either accept that it is going to stay this way, or move on.


Last edited by Mileena42; 09-07-2008 at 03:50 PM.

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