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what do you make of this?

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Old 09-12-2008, 01:09 AM   #1
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littlegoddess HB User
what do you make of this?

i seem to be surrounded by friends whose partners (male and female!) are cheating, it makes me very pleased to be single!!

anyway, my friend has just come back from a brief overseas trip with her hubby. they were away a week, and nearly as soon as they got home she overheard him ringing a work colleague saying he'd love to catch up, and telling her (its a female colleague) how much he'd missed her.

she is naturally upset and has since found out her husband has been involved with this woman for nearly a year. she had suspected before, but now feels overhearing that conversation has left a bad taste in her mouth over their holiday, if he was missing this other woman while he was with her overseas.

is there any hope for her saving this marriage. he says he loves her, but how the hell can a man love his wife and maintain another relationship then not be able to see her fast enough on his return!!!!

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Old 09-12-2008, 05:18 AM   #2
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Re: what do you make of this?

Only the two of them can figure out if this marriage can be saved. There are a lot of factors here. Does he love and respect his wife enough to honor his vows and stop all contact with this (and other potential) woman? If he does honor his vows will she be able to move on and trust him? There are so many variables.

I feel for your friend as I know this is a very hard situation. I think you should encourage your friend to seek marriage counselling and see if her hubby will go with her. Hopefully there they can have an open dialoge to see why he is going outside of their marriage and if they can save it.

Old 09-12-2008, 07:29 AM   #3
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Re: what do you make of this?

In particular:

It is hard to say anything. It could be that this man is a jerk. It could also be the case that their marriage was already falling apart, and neither of them was aware of it. There is always hope to save a marriage, but of course both partners must have a will to make it function and change where needed.

In general:

What about you? Do these facts make you afraid of marriage? Do you fear the same might happen to you? I know people can be very shallow, but believe me, there are also a few people who are honest, committed and respectful of their vows and families. These same people are not really perfect. They make mistakes and they will often end their own marriages (when there is nothing left to do), but they will not blame anyone else and they will always take responsibilty for whatever they do.

Old 09-12-2008, 07:57 AM   #4
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Re: what do you make of this?

Well, it seems to me that if he reall loves his wife enough to want his marriage to be a happy and healthy one, he would never have turned away from it and to another woman.

Does your friend want to salvage the marriage? You say she has since learned he's been involved with this woman for the past year. How does she know? Did she confront him about the phone conversation she overheard? Did he confess to the affair? and if so, where does he say that leaves them? Yes, so many variables. But if she hasn't, your friend needs to confront her husband, tell him she knows about the affair and she expects him to stop it immediately and work on the marriage. I think a marriage can survive infidelity, but both parties have to WANT it to.

Old 09-12-2008, 03:54 PM   #5
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Re: what do you make of this?

for myself it doesnt make me fear marriage. this is one couple, and although i know many couples dealing with infidelity, everyone is unique and i absolutely believe in marriage etc.

my friend also said she now knows her hubby wanted to see this woman the day they flew out for their holiday, and visited her the day after they returned. coupled with his voicing that he had missed her while they were on holiday, she sees this woman as more than just a physical relationship for her hubby.

she has not confronted him yet, she is considering what she wants to do. i know them both well, and he is actually a nice man, despite his current actions. if i had to play devil's advocate, i would say my friend is quite an unusal person... although i love her dearly i know many people see her as a cold person and part of me does wonder if he has gone looking for affection elsewhere. having said that, i totally do not condone his actions, as my belief is if you need to cheat, end the relationship!

is there hope for them? i dont know. i know they have had quite a few rocky years, but am certain this is the first time he has strayed.

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