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Help. I'm struggling again.

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Old 09-12-2008, 03:56 PM   #1
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bluesky123 HB User
Help. I'm struggling again.

I am seriously contemplating messaging him - asking him now that it has been a week and things have calmed down whether he actually meant those things and that there still is enough time to go away on a short break for his birthday.
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
All week I had been doing fine. I knew it was too good to be true.
I was going through messages, not even a month ago, things were fine.
I keep thinking, leave it, if he changes his mind, he will come to me, in the mean time, try to move on but that isn't enough right now.
I don't want to keep hurting myself. I can't seem to stop. I know I have free will but it really isn't as easy as that otherwise i really wouldn't be here.

I'm scared I'll never move on because I love him too much.
I'm scared I'll wake up in a few months and realise I gave up too easily. I've come all this way just to try to move on right now. If things really cannot be helped then so be it. But I need to know this is it because it has never been it before. I can't put myself through all of this again for him to come back in a few months. I can't.

I hope someone will understand and not be too judgemental. I know this is a bad idea, that it is wrong, but maybe I should send him a message like that? Get it over and done with? But then when will it stop? I thought him sending those messages last week were enough.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-12-2008 at 04:01 PM.

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Old 09-12-2008, 05:26 PM   #2
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Mileena42 HB User
Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

I don't think anyone would judge you for wanting to contact him...but here is my suggestion since I think you have hit a rather weak IS the beginning of the weekend, and work is left behind....and you are rightfully so feeling lonely and missing him.....wait a little while before you text him....wait and see if this feeling passes...and do what you can to help it to pass.

Of course, you may get to the point where you feel like going ahead and texting anyway.....only YOU know the repercussions of that. What will he do? What will he say? How will you feel if he doesn't respond positively....or doesn't respond at all?

I think you are doing really well with this, and maybe if you give yourself some time, you will realise that texting him isn't in your best interest.

Another thing, looking at old times and photos could very well have brought this's way too early to be doing that.


Old 09-12-2008, 05:28 PM   #3
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Redneon82 HB User
Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

No. Absolutely no. Why????

You are lonely and sad. And putting yourself through more torture will not fix this.

Call a friend and get outside. Do something, anything.

I'm afraid you are going to go ahead and text him, or maybe you already have. What will it take for you to finally realize it's over?

Please try to love and respect yourself enough to stop throwing yourself on the floor and asking him to step all over you. That isn't have to know that.

Old 09-12-2008, 05:42 PM   #4
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Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

I've had a relationship that ended like this. The situation where everything seemed kinda fine and then all the sudden it's over. It's hard to get over something like that right away and it definitely takes time. Having these feelings is normal.

But I echo what has already been posted. I really, really believe that messaging him would be a bad idea. You're already feeling bad as it is. He's likely to say something that will upset you even more than you already are. I find it very hard to believe that after a week of no contact that he would actually be nice to you if he hears from you. The chances of that are slim to none. That's why I think it's in your best interest to not contact him.

It's going to take time to get over this. But the longer you go without contacting him, the more you will see that he's just not worth it. If he really, truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would have contacted you by now. You have to know that. You're not theone who gave up "too easily" as you said. HE is the one who did that. You messaging him now isn't going to change that. It's really important for you to realize that.

And besides, if he has treated you so badly, you don't even want to be with a guy like that again. It's just going to end again and you'll be even more heartbroken and upset than you were this time. There's no future for you guys. He has proven that with his actions. And all that's left to do is for you to occupy yourself as much as possible with other stuff to take your mind off of him. Going out with friends and doing stuff that involves you having to use your mind a lot are good places to start.

Old 09-12-2008, 06:38 PM   #5
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Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

This is part of the grieiving process. You have a good day .. bad day.. good week.. and then all of sudden things feel like they are falling apart. I missed something.. did you contact him and something was said? Realize that all the things you're feeling are normal. I can't tell you how many men early on in my life, when the relationships ended, that I thought I'd never find someone else that would make me feel they way "they" did. But you will. If you contact him, be prepared for more hurt as you could get yourself into a vicious cycle with this which will perpetuate this into a longer healing process. Just know that THIS IS NORMAL. It feels horrible.. it feel lonely and all you want to do is fix it.... but some things are out of our control. Most of us on here have been through what you're going through and if it's your first time, it's new for you. You're grieving and you have to give yourself time to heal. You WILL get over this...

Old 09-13-2008, 05:30 AM   #6
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happymom28 HB User
Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

I know it's the "next morning", but I am curious if you went ahead and messaged him.

Here's the thing. These feelings are going to happen. It's inevitable especially since it's the beginning of the weekend and you are more suseptible to feeling lonely at this point. You need a plan of action for when the feeling to message him hits. Whether it be to call a friend, go for a walk, take a bubble bath, whatever, you need to do ANYTHING else but contact him. You need to train your brain to know you don't have to message him. Does that make sense?

I'm not being judgemental. So many of us have been in your shoes. I'm only trying to save you from starting the whole process all over again. Remember, the only thing contacting him is going to do is make YOU feel rejected again. His ego will get the stroke it's accustomed to and you will be left wondering "why" or "how" or whatever. How is that fair?

Old 09-13-2008, 05:52 AM   #7
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bluesky123 HB User
Re: Help. I'm struggling again.

Thank you all for replying.
Really helps to read so many posts from you people.

I didn't message him. I went straight to bed after posting on here.
I had lots of nightmares. Eventually woke up not wanting to message him but feeling very sad, very desperate, very hurt, and wondering why this is happening to me. AGAIN. Ireally don't feel able to go through this again.

Its so painful.

Again he is going away. Again he played around with me. Again he showed how little he cared. Again I am sitting here humiliated. Again Again Again.

I don't know why I am still feeling like this.

I really thought I was feeling different about this situation - I wasn't thinking about him, felt neutral etc.

I am all over the place. I have an interview for a course on Monday.
I really want to get on the course but I don't think it'll make me happy.

Nothing is making me happy, nothing has done for a whole year. This is really serious. I have not been genuinely happy for a single day of the last year.

I am starting to wonder if I'll always be like this. Stuck in the same place with the same feelings. It has been like this for THREE years and it is making me sick.

I don't even look at other men. I am desperate to find a new man and to have some kind of relationship - I am starved of love and affection. In all honesty, I have had no love nor affection for at least four years.
I am the only single person I know and I know lots of people.
My friends are all startingt o move in together and look at me - I am on my own, I was chasing someone who didn't want to be with me, he has moved on with a new job and house and I am still stuck here. It is riping me apart.

So many good things happened to me this year - but I don't take note of any of it.

I just think about back to two/three years ago when I was happier.

This is soul destroying.

I am even so desperate for a fairly attractive man to take me out.

I am not an easy girl, but I would just love to go to bed with someone.

I am an attractive girl - lots of men like me but I never feel slightly attracted.

When am I going to have a short break away from this mess? I acn't keep going on like this.

update - I've had a good cry and I am feeling better.
I didn't think I would be going through this again. Since last week, since not talking, I didn't think about him much. I was keeping very busy with work etc.
I got slightly hysterical but at least I'll remember a good cry really helps and posting here.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-13-2008 at 05:59 AM. Reason: Update

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