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  • Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

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    Old 09-24-2008, 09:46 AM   #1
    Guy133
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    Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    I'm sure this is one of those things that different couples just have to find different points of balance.

    We've been married about 2 years now.

    My wife gets mad at me for spending too much time away from her. I try to play poker with my buddies every once in awhile. I am involved with various organizations and have meetings a couple of times a month in the evenings. I have night school one evening per week, and I have to work late (until 11pm) one day per week for the next 2 months. Sometimes I want to go do things where I'll be gone all day on a Saturday or Sunday. Nothing I do involves other women.

    So typically, I would have about 2 evening meetings per month. 4 nights of school. 4 nights of work. 1 or 2 Sundays that I would like to be gone all day.

    Is it unreasonable to ask for these things?

     
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    Old 09-24-2008, 09:48 AM   #2
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    did she know of your interests and activities before she married you?
    if these things are important to you and they're no threat to her, I'd have to guess that you married a clingy insecure woman who has no interests of her own. Why can't she do something with friends or on her own when your gone.....

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 09:56 AM   #3
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    So, let's say there are four weeks in a month, talking weekdays only, you are gone 10 out of 20 weeknights. that's half. If we average it out week to week, you are home only say, Monday and Tuesday, and half of Wed. Thursday and Friday night you're gone, and then every other Sunday. If these are things she is not involved in at all as well, and if you are not 100% focused on her when you ARE at home, then yes, I would probably be copping the same 'tude your wife is. For me personally, that's just not enough time, but I'm a real homebody. I hate it when my evenings are taken up more than one weeknight a week.

    Perhaps a compromise? While your work is taking up one evening a week, you say for the next two months, maybe you can forgo the poker nights, or skip one or two commitee/organization meetings. I mean, after all, which is more important, them or your marriage? Keep in mind every time you choose to go out instead of staying at home with your wife, you're making a choice. Relationships are living things and they need to be fed and nurtured and tended to or they will die. IF you're going to be gone all day Sunday, why not spend all day with her Saturday? Are you guys church goers? does she prefer to spend sunday with you after church or something? The key is compromise. Neither of you is going to get all of what you want, but she has a problem with how much you're gone. You need to address it in some fashion instead of just shrugging your shoulders and mumbling "sorry" as you walk out the door.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 09:59 AM   #4
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    ...

    Is it unreasonable to ask for these things?
    No, it isn't. But what are you doing when you are together? If you are simply staring at the screen (either TV or PC) or doing your own business, then I can see some smoke here.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:04 AM   #5
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    That's too much "goneness" for me! But as rose said, did you do this before the marriage and she knew how you were? If so then shame on her for trying to change you. If not then I like what LLM said
    Quote:
    I mean, after all, which is more important, them or your marriage? Keep in mind every time you choose to go out instead of staying at home with your wife, you're making a choice. Relationships are living things and they need to be fed and nurtured and tended to or they will die.
    That's so true...it will die...believe you me!

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:09 AM   #6
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    did she know of your interests and activities before she married you?
    Yes. These things have been a constant issue for the length of our relationship. I've already cut way back on some of these things.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:11 AM   #7
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    Yes. These things have been a constant issue for the length of our relationship. I've already cut way back on some of these things.

    well then she knew that when she married you......
    and if these things have always been a constant issue all thru your relationship, I'm wondering why you married someone who doesn't seem to get it? Sounds like you've already compromised......what has she done?

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:12 AM   #8
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    I mean, after all, which is more important, them or your marriage?
    Of course the marriage is more important, but sometimes I wonder how important a marriage is if it prevents me from doing other things that I enjoy.

    Quote:
    IF you're going to be gone all day Sunday, why not spend all day with her Saturday?
    I usually do.

    Quote:
    Are you guys church goers? does she prefer to spend sunday with you after church or something?
    No. She has no particular plans for us. She just wants me to be around. Even if that consists of her playing on her laptop computer or reading a book or watching TV with me in the same room with her. (She gets irritated if I spend too much time in the extra room in the house doing things like paying bills or using my computer.)

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:14 AM   #9
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    well then she knew that when she married you......
    and if these things have always been a constant issue all thru your relationship, I'm wondering why you married someone who doesn't seem to get it? Sounds like you've already compromised......what has she done?
    I can't think of anything she's sacrificed since our relationship began.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:16 AM   #10
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    she's terribly clingy......what a turnoff......
    she has no plans, but she just wants you "around"
    excuse me while I go heave......
    sorry, I can't help it.

    I have a friend who's husband travels for weeks at a time, he was in Argentina, now he's in Canada. She doesn't mind, it gives her time to do other things, and she can work late and not rush home, etc. I said to her, good thing you're not one of those clingy girls, huh? She just laughed, she said yeah really......

    so anyway, what has miss clingy done to compromise?

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:17 AM   #11
    Guy133
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    1 or 2 Sundays that I would like to be gone all day.
    I may have overstated this one. Some months there might be 2 or even 3 Sundays. Many months there are zero. Over the course of the year there might be 20 Sundays that I'd like to be gone. (She's actually welcome to come, but my activities are boring to her.)

    Before I met her I would probably average well over 40 Saturdays and Sundays per year away from home.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:17 AM   #12
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    I can't think of anything she's sacrificed since our relationship began.
    wow clingy and selfish too.....what do you see in this woman?

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:19 AM   #13
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    I think that is too many nights out.
    Can you take a course together or join a committee together. That would be a great way to spend time together and build your relationship with a common cause or interest.

    If you don't have children, she is probably lonely at night.

    If you do have children, she needs the adult company.

    You really have to have some sort of compromise, fewer nights out and more time together.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:20 AM   #14
    Guy133
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
    she's terribly clingy......what a turnoff......
    she has no plans, but she just wants you "around"
    excuse me while I go heave......
    sorry, I can't help it.

    I have a friend who's husband travels for weeks at a time, he was in Argentina, now he's in Canada. She doesn't mind, it gives her time to do other things, and she can work late and not rush home, etc. I said to her, good thing you're not one of those clingy girls, huh? She just laughed, she said yeah really......

    so anyway, what has miss clingy done to compromise?
    I know that there are people who cling together and enjoy it. There are other people who can be happily married and also have lives of their own. I grew up in a family where my parents each had their own interests and had interests together. I never witnessed any issues of "why are you gone so much?" from them. So that's what I grew up with.

    Even though we got married in our 30's, I will admit that I should have dated more women before getting married.

     
    Old 09-24-2008, 10:22 AM   #15
    Guy133
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    Re: Wife Gets Mad At Me For Doing Other Things

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by matter of time View Post
    I think that is too many nights out.
    Can you take a course together or join a committee together. That would be a great way to spend time together and build your relationship with a common cause or interest.

    If you don't have children, she is probably lonely at night.

    If you do have children, she needs the adult company.

    You really have to have some sort of compromise, fewer nights out and more time together.
    She has a teenager that lives with us.

     
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