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I don't feel loved

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Old 09-27-2008, 04:22 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2005
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WhiteLily HB User
I don't feel loved

I have been with my bf for over 5 years now but our relationship has changed so much, I feel that he does not love me anymore. Certainly, he does not show me that he does. We hardly have intimate times now...drowned in material issues although we both have decent professional jobs..There is just NOTHING to look forward to together. He is a stubborn type of person and this is so incredibly frustrating. I can't have an adult conversation with him. I don't want to lose him but I am struggling to make sense of my life here. He never talks of our future together... it is just today that he thinks of, which is ok but I feel terribly insecure about what tomorrow may bring. I am in my 30s and he never mentions future plans ..

I wish I could live life to the max, fly around the world, share a good laugh with him but I have started to feel very withdrawn, and extremely unmotivated. Good times have just gone, and they seem so far away...How can I make him love me again? I feel that he treats other girls, no matter how un/attractive they are, with a tons more interest than he treats me. Am I paranoid? I am also starting to have my hair falling ...OMG and doctors say it is stress-related. It does not help my self-esteem. I have always had a beautiful heathy hair....sorry guys I am just venting here!!!!

Everyone says that I am pretty and intelligent but I don't feel it at all....Please help me figure out what went wrong and how to fix it
Any advice?

Last edited by WhiteLily; 09-27-2008 at 04:25 PM.

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Old 09-27-2008, 08:05 PM   #2
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Re: I don't feel loved

The handwriting is always on the wall. Surely you've heard you can't make anyone love you. If you discuss his attitude with him and he doesn't change within a reasonable amount of time (I'd give it a few months to a year) and he doesn't make any effort to cahnge, you're going to have to cut your losses. Some people may even want to change but however they are is so embedded into their personality that they can't. You can't risk your health for too long. If you're to the point where your hair is falling out that is really a terrible sign. This type of stress can even cause heart problems. To go through this with someone you aren't even married to is heart breaking.

Old 09-27-2008, 11:42 PM   #3
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Re: I don't feel loved

Don't take this the wrong way but I don't see much of a future for you with this guy. You've been together 5 years, he's disinterested and you're in your 30s. You're not getting any younger. If, in 5 years, he hasn't yet made any kind of move toward getting married, then he never will. You should only give a guy 2 years max whether or not he wants to get married. If you have intentions of wanting to get married in your life and have kids, then this is not the right guy for you. He's all wrong. And unfortunately, there's literally nothing you can do to change that. You can't love him more or change yourself or do anything to change that. He's totally not interested in marriage. If he was, he would have done something about it by now.

The fact that he doesn't even plan for any kind of future is your answer. And the fact that he pays more attention to all of the other women around except you also says a lot. I know you feel like you have a lot of time invested and you feel like you'd be throwing it all away if you left. But you have to trust me when I tell you there are worse things than breaking up with a guy who isn't interested and hasn't proposed in 5 years. I personally wasted 8 years with a guy who was abusive, controlling, posessive and in all other ways lame. We broke up and got back together more times than I can remember. I wasted my entire 20s on this guy, and when I finally woke up at 29 and realized it was going nowhere, I ended it. And I'm glad I did because the guy was a jerk and didn't have a clue about anything. But he could fix my car, which is quite literally one of the only reasons why I kept him around.

Don't do what I did. Don't waste anymore time on this guy. I'm telling you, you're going to wake up one day when you're 34 (like me) and say, What the eff was I thinking staying with that guy? And then you're going to keep kicking yourself for not walking away sooner. In all honesty, I should have ended it after 3 years, because that's when things started going downhill fast. But I stayed cause I was too afraid to be alone back then. Now? I have no problem walking away from a guy who isn't right. I have proved to myself that I can take care of myself, and that's the lesson I wish I knew back then. But you can't change history. You really should hear what I'm saying because it's all true. Don't waste anymore time with this guy. It will get you nowhere, I know. I'd bet on it.

Old 09-28-2008, 07:01 PM   #4
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luckydarlin HB User
Re: I don't feel loved

Have you talked to him about this? I mean really talked to him about it and told him that you're so very unhappy? Sometimes people get so wrapped up in everyday life that they don't take the time to notice what's around them anymore. It's quite possible that he's taking you for granted right now and is unaware of it. Maybe sitting down and having a true heart-to-heart will help you both. If nothing else, it will help you find some sort of a resolution in this relationship.

...and hang in there with your hair loss - it is definitely normal if you are under a lot of stress (not that that makes you feel much better right now). This happened to a very close friend of mine because of the stress at work and once she got her head in the right place (and actually changed jobs) the hair grew back.

Hope all works out for you.

Old 09-29-2008, 01:13 PM   #5
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Re: I don't feel loved

five yr and no marriage? good bye to make something work you need to build your bf, gf up on a daily basis. my hubby and i are very happy 15yr in we still act as if we are still dating that is the problem with todays couples they only put in effort at the begining and then get lazy because they get use to you it cant work that way. i think you will find if you change and build him up hug ,kiss ,hold hands he will do the same back for not blaming you it is just a going to go down the toilet if you dont. good luck

Last edited by neffie663; 09-29-2008 at 01:14 PM.

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