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  • Help when she says the "spark" is gone

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    Old 10-03-2008, 10:55 PM   #1
    Bill82
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    Help when she says the "spark" is gone

    OK, here's the deal. I was dating this girl who I'm am very in love with. We were together for 8 months and she lived 1 1/2 hours away and things were unbelievable between us when we saw eachother on weekends. She felt so in love also that she found a job near me and moved into my town. Shortly after that (since we were seeing eachother everyday) things faded alot like I feel is normal. In her past she had an on and off relationship with a married man. Every other relationship she tried ended and she would go back to that married man. The good thing is I know they are over with because he kept trying to interfere with us and finally she ended up calling the cops and telling his wife so that is over. The thing is I feel she kept going back to that situation because it always felt new and fun. Of course it always had to be kept a secret and sneek around which is exciting. They also, of course, couldn't see eachother all the time and when they could it was very passionate because it was fresh. Am I out of line here or do you think that is a lot of the problem and how can I change her thoughts on what a relationship is like and how to face reality.

    Thanks

     
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    Old 10-04-2008, 05:05 AM   #2
    matter of time
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    Re: Help when she says the "spark" is gone

    I learned that the men I had the passion for were the ones that were wrong for me and I married the man that made me feel comfortable, peaceful. It was a relief, just felt right.

    I don't know what stage your girlfriend is at but hopefully she will realize the good man is what is important in the long run. Some sparks are good though.

    It could have been more exciting when you lived apart and anticipated the weekends but when you are available all the time some of that feel goes. Hopefully the relationship turns into something comfortable and she is at a point in her life where she can appreciate that.

    Just hope she learned her lesson and isn't the type who will always look for "excitement" on the side.

     
    Old 10-04-2008, 07:00 AM   #3
    cardrivingklaus
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    Talking Re: Help when she says the "spark" is gone

    Have you guys tried to mix things up a bit? Go on trips or something...doing things out of the ordinary? I don't know. I wish you the best of luck though and I hope you don't get hurt.

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    Last edited by cardrivingklaus; 12-08-2008 at 09:54 AM.

     
    Old 10-04-2008, 11:51 AM   #4
    lostnfound1
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    Re: Help when she says the "spark" is gone

    If your ex-girlfriend was somebody who loved that "spark" and excitement in relationships, and if you guys dated for 8 months, she must have at one time obviously felt that "spark" for you.

    Here's the question...if you know she loves that spark and excitement, and you really love her, why did you let that spark and excitement die? You must have been doing something at one time to have that there...why does it have to end? Why can't that continue? Yes, some of that will eventually go away, but it doesn't all have to go does it?

    The problem is that people want relationships to be easy, when we all know they take time and work. Lots of work. You can't just say, oh well, we've been together long enough now, we can just be boring and comfortable. Especially when you know this girl you say you're in love with obviously loves that and needs that. I don't think anything in her past has anything to do with you now, not sure why you'd bring that into it. You said that part of her life was far over. Maybe that's an excuse for you now to tell yourself it's not anything you did. Maybe you've realized you should have showed you cared a little more and done whatever you could do to show her that spark she desires is still there.

    I went through the same thing not too long ago...I know what she's feeling, and probably you too. Look at yourself, too, not just blame it on her. What's affecting how you've acted? This spark obviously didn't disappear over night! It never does! She is probably just looking for someone who is willing to put in the extra effort and keep that spark alive for the rest of her life. It is possible! I see people that have been marriend for 30, 40, 50 years and are still deeply in love and you can just tell they have that "spark" still.

    All I'm saying here is, stop bringing up the past, figure out the present and worry about the future! Everyone deserves to be happy, whatever that may mean for them individually.

     
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